“It’s not all about charity in Dallas,” says new housewife Kameron Wescott in a preview for season two of the Real Housewives of Dallas.
If you caught season one of the awkwardly contrived reality show, you’ll recall that much of the drama revolved around the charity world and proper decorum at charity events and who among the housewives is actually charitable. It all got to be a bit much, particularly as “charity” in Real Housewives Land generally means throwing big parties and judging attendees based upon their clothing and behavior. The first season of the Real Housewives of Dallas was seriously lacking in drama that didn’t revolve around fake feces on giant hats.
But here we are at season two, and joining returning housewives Brandi Redmond, Stephanie Hollman, Cary Deuber, and LeeAnne Locken are Kameron Wescott and D’Andra Simmons. Based on the previews, it looks like round two will focus much less on charity work and much more on interpersonal drama.
So let’s dive in with the new taglines, shall we?
Brandi: “I cheered for the Cowboys, so I never get played.”
Stephanie: “I married into money, but family is my fortune.”
Cary: “Every girl has skeletons in her closet. Mine are next to my Birkins.”
D’Andra: “I started from a Dallas dynasty, but I’ll finish with my own empire.”
Kameron: “Dumb blondes get noticed. Smart blondes get everything.”
LeeAnne: “I’m a true Texan: no bull, but all horns.”
These are slightly better than last year, but still not up to RHOBH standards. Don’t worry, ladies. You’ll get there.
The episode begins with Stephanie coming over to Cary’s house for a dog playdate (where are their children?) and being joined by Kameron, who is wearing a fluffy pink vest and carrying a tiny dog wearing a matching pink vest. Kameron is extremely wealthy, extremely blonde, and extremely proud of both.
Cary mentions that she’s throwing a party and inviting LeeAnne, who this group has been avoiding since she publicly accused Cary of stealing her husband away from his previous wife. Stephanie asks if the other ladies have seen the police report that Marie Reyes tweeted, detailing an incident in 2008 in which LeeAnne allegedly tried to stab an ex-boyfriend with a knife and hit him in the face with sandpaper.
Elsewhere, Brandi and LeeAnne meet up to do some shopping. “Surprise,” Brandi says in an aside. “I’m friends with LeeAnne!” She reveals that LeeAnne has been in anger management, and she’s seen a huge change in her former frenemy.
Back at Cary’s casa, Stephanie reveals that she hasn’t spoken to Brandi in nearly four months. Evidently Brandi cut her out, and Stephanie doesn’t understand why.
Brandi knows exactly what’s up, though. She tells her new BFF LeeAnne that talking about Stephanie gets her very emotional, because Stephanie talked behind her back and called her marriage “a slow-motion car crash,” which, let’s be honest, it kinda was. Brandi didn’t appreciate that, though, and she doesn’t appreciate the façade of having a perfect life she thinks Stephanie creates for herself.
Enough of that drama, though! Let’s see what’s up in glamorous new housewife Kameron’s world! She’s working on learning to cook, and, she admits she was a total nerd with no friends in high school. We all feel super sorry for you, Kameron.
She met her husband, Court, in college at SMU at the age of 22, but she wasn’t initially interested in him because, even though they are a perfect nerd match, she’s 6 feet tall, and he’s lovingly referred to as “the hobbit.” The couple lives in a 7,500-square-foot home in Highland Park with their two children, Hilton and Cruise. Oh, and she loves pink.
Later, LeeAnne and her boyfriend, Rich, meet up with D’Andra Simmons and her husband, Jeremy, for dinner. Both LeeAnne and Cary are friends with D’Andra, though there’s some beef over who is closer with the ultimate socialite.
In an introductory montage, D’Andra shows off her eclectic Highland Park home, decorated with artifacts the couple picked up all over the world (Jeremy is a military photographer). D’Andra’s mother is a self-made millionaire, having founded Ultimate Living, a nutritional supplement company. Evidently, D’Andra’s mother promised her she’d allow her to take over the company back in 2004, but D’Andra is still waiting for mommy to retire.
LeeAnne, meanwhile, proves that she really is trying to change, taking us along with her to a therapy appointment. During therapy, LeeAnne brings up the old police report, and she acknowledges that her instinct is to attack people who attack her. She realizes, though, that she needs to be the bigger person, particularly after the backlash she faced following her explosive behavior last season.
As Stephanie prepares dinner with her kids, she reveals that her relationship with her husband has improved since she’s been seeing less of Brandi. For their part, Brandi and her husband have mended their relationship, which is great, because what viewers saw last season was not pretty. Seems like both women are doing better in their marriages since they’ve started dating their husbands again instead of each other. The husbands still hang out, though. Awkward!
Over at a pet boutique, D’Andra joins Kameron to research dog food. Kameron, you see, is determined to start her own line of pink dog food. ‘Cause why eat brown food when you can eat pink food, amirite?
Later, Cary and LeeAnne meet up with their dogs. Of all the Housewives iterations, this one probably features the greatest number of women who actually are housewives with husbands and families, yet this episode is really playing up the dog parenting.
Cary admits to LeeAnne that her accusations from last season really hurt her family. LeeAnne apologizes, and Cary accepts, saying she wants to work on mutual respect with LeeAnne. When the topic turns to Stephanie and Brandi’s falling out, though, Cary gets a little miffed, as she thinks the situation between the former friends is none of her or LeeAnne’s business.
LeeAnne and Brandi ride together to the birthday party Cary is throwing for her husband, Mark, and Brandi reveals that she got a text from Stephanie earlier in the day, warning her to stay away from LeeAnne, because she’s “up to her old ways.” These are evidently Cary’s words, though, not Stephanie’s.
“Then Stephanie Hollman and I have a real problem,” LeeAnne says, even while attempting to practice the new zen-like nature she’s picked up in anger management. She and Brandi pray for peace before exiting the car and entering the party, but as soon as the other ladies spot them inside, the demeanor among them all turns icy. Well, as icy as things get in Dallas.
As all of the ladies sit down together, Brandi actively avoids making eye contact with Stephanie, whose plastered-on grin seems to melt off her face. When Stephanie asks Brandi to step aside and chat for a few seconds, LeeAnne doesn’t give anyone a chance to respond before shutting that idea down.
“Just text,” LeeAnne says, in a show of mock-helpfulness. “That’s what good phones are for!” Anger management is clearly keeping LeeAnne from erupting, but is there such a thing as meddling management? Can someone sign LeeAnne up for those classes?
Brandi, unable to deal with being so close to (yet so far from) her former friend, excuses herself to cry. LeeAnne thinks this is a great moment to confront Cary about the “up to her old ways” comment. Cary denies it and tries to get LeeAnne to distance herself from the Stephanie/Brandi drama, but the suggestion definitely does not stick.
As Brandi and LeeAnne, unlikely partners in crime, drive off into the brisk Dallas evening, Stephanie cries to Cary, feebly attempting to keep her excessive eye makeup from running all over her crisp, white turtleneck.
Next week, Stephanie’s eye makeup continues to streak down her cheeks while she cries about Brandi. But all is not lost, for there appears to be a scene in which LeeAnne yells at Stephanie while wearing a hot dog costume.
This, apparently, is what you get when you take a “carny” to anger management, and I am so here for it.