Editor's note: There's so much that's beautiful, funny, smart and informative on the Internet. Problem is, there's also a bunch of garbage. Here's the best of the web right now:
1. While chatting with David Letterman, Kathy Griffin claims that Anderson Cooper has no idea who Tony Romo is. Dammit, Silver Fox. What about J.J. Watt?
2. It's about to get muy frio in Houston, so here are 11 obscure regional phrases to describe the cold. Somehow "it's colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra" didn't make the cut, which is a shame, because that's just a fun saying, even in July.
3. According to NPR, craft breweries are running out of names for their beers and into legal spats. This was bound to happen with all the IPAs out there. I mean, if an IPA doesn't have a hoppy pun for a name, is it really an IPA?
4. As The Simpsons turns 25, Observation Deck takes a look at the six totally different shows the series has been. We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere — like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. Give me five bees for a quarter, you'd say.
Now where were we? Oh, yeah. The important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones
5. Cracked sheds light on five BS health myths people still believe. I'm all for an article that says salt and saturated fats aren't so bad while denigrating yogurt. Seriously, people, enough with the yogurt. It's just ice cream for Mormons.