from the culturemap think tank
Major choices for Sugar Land's new minor league baseball team
A contest to name Sugar Land's new minor league baseball team has kicked off. Visit NameSugarLandsTeam.com to submit your favorite name, or select from our top five if you really want to win.
The 59ers: The interminable highway where residents live while not at home or the mall could also be the namesake for the city's baseball team. We anticipate foghorns at games that replicate the sound of a honking Ford Windstar.
The Delays: From Panera Bread to skinny jeans, trends have a delayed uptake time in the suburbs, and Sugar Land is no exception. But let's be honest — this name is really a term of endearment for our favorite right-wing Dancing with the Stars dropout. After all, this game is all about dirty tricks.
The White Flight: While conjuring images of speedy home runs and stealthy stolen bases, this title also pays tribute to Sugar Land's heritage as a refuge for scared white people leaving inner city Houston.
The Bings: When fewer than 200 people gathered at the city's mock "Town Square" in support of serving as a test site for Google's new, extreme-high-speed fiber-optic Internet network, it became clear that Sugar Land should be more aligned with a second-class search engine: Bing.
Like Sugar Land's First Colony Mall, Bing stands as a poorly-connected, useless resource for boring people who just don't know any better.
Plantation Masters: Keeping up with the Joneses is a whole 'nother ball game when you're living in a series of master-planned communities named "(Insert pre-existing town) Plantation." Because in the suburbs, everyone's in a race to be the master of his domain. Er, plantation.
Runner-up: The OTL'ers: In reference to "Outside the Loop," this name may be misleading since some Sugar Land residents might be afraid of the Loop or unaware of its existence.
Now if only we could vote on the players wearing mandate cargo shorts and puka shells, we'd be able to really generate some team spirit.