If there’s one thing Bravo loves, it’s a montage, so we start this episode with scenes of each of the ladies doing what they do best. Dr. Monica is consulting with a patient about his blocked artery, Dr. Sato is finishing up some surgery, and Rachel is…baking cookies. To Rachel’s credit, she seems to be baking cookies and arranging a lovely charcuterie tray simultaneously while looking fly in a frilly pink apron, so once again, Married to Medicine Houston proves that women really can do it all.
There’s a knock on Rachel’s door, and she answers it with “Y’all ready for some fluid and electrolytes?” I can’t tell if that’s what she and her nursing school buddies are covering in their study session that day or if she’s genuinely offering them, um, fluid.
In the midst of studying (which actually looks more like wine-drinking, but that’s how I study too, so no judgment), Maribel enters and quickly turns any studying that was happening into a full-fledged party. She admits that the number one thing she wants to learn is how to twerk, and she has the brilliant idea to start a twerking academy. Mama Maribel, sign me up!
The excitement quickly fades as we return to Dr. Sato and her boytoy hubby discussing, once again, the possibility of having a baby. She drops a bit of a bomb on poor, innocent Derek, admitting that she researched egg-freezing and surrogacy as a way to put off having a baby until she’s more established in her career. Derek, God love him, replies with “Are you trying to skip out on the miracle of birth?” I don’t think he meant to sound like an asshat, but, dude, you don’t have to go through it. Don’t automatically expect her to embrace it.
Next we catch up with Dr. Ashandra. Is it too early in the season to pick favorites? She’s my favorite. Dr. A heads over to Rachel’s house for a post mortem about Cindi Rose’s awkward party, and Rachel greets her with yet another lovely charcuterie tray. She clearly has a fallback skill if the nursing thing doesn’t work out.
The ladies are joined by the fifth cast member, Dr. Elly Pourasef, a proud, Persian, “smart blonde” who consistently wears enough dark eyeshadow to elicit envy from a raccoon. Dr. Elly is an audiologist, and she agrees to do an assessment of Maribelle’s hearing for Rachel.
And then we revisit the infamous party. Did I mention that I love Dr. A? I love Ashandra. She tells Rachel that after Rachel and her family left the shitshow that was the Rose makeover ambush, Cindi came over and started saying that Rachel knew nothing about the Holly Rose Ribbon Foundation and, in fact, thought it had to do with roses and rose gardens. Yes, Rachel is blonde and a little ditzy, but you gotta give the girl more credit than that. I mean, the family’s last name is Rose. Isn’t that obvious? And then, Ashandra freaking calls her on it. “Everything you’re saying right now sounds like it was pulled from the sky.” Pretty much. She then issues an ultimatum to Rachel: “As your friend, you can never invite me to their house again.” PREACH.
Elly redirects the conversation to the upcoming Persian New Year celebration. She’s very proud of being Persian, and also mentions that everyone gets very dressed up for any Persian event, and it’s better to be overdressed than underdressed. This, my friends, is what we call foreshadowing.
Let's go shopping
Dr. A returns home for some witty banter with her hot husband and adorable children, and the talk turns to finances when Dr. A mentions she wants to take her daughter, Avery, shopping. It’s refreshing to see a conversation about finances on a Bravo show and to know that, at the end of it, the husband isn’t going to be handing the housewife a wad of cash for her shopping allowance. Still, Ricky wants his wife to spend a little less and save a little more. Good luck with that, buddy.
Rachel and Maribel go to Dr. Elly’s office to get Mama Maribel’s hearing checked. Dr. Elly places Maribel in the testing room and gives her headphones. She then instructs her to say “yes” every time she hears a beep. Maribel quickly turns this into the soundtrack for an adult film with a chorus of “Yes! Yes! Yes!” before admitting she has an ear fetish.
Then, there’s a brief scene where Dr. Monica walks down the hall followed by her male posse before instructing them to “gather ‘round” so she can drop some knowledge. This does nothing to further any storylines, but it does remind us that Dr. Monica is a badass.
We return to Dr. A and Avery, now attempting to sneak their shopping haul into the house without Ricky noticing — a plan that fails immediately when Ricky jumps out and tackles the girls, confiscating their bags. He and Dr. A come to an agreement, wherein she can shop as much as she wants if he gets laid four times a week. At this point, I screamed at the screen, “It’s her freaking money, you caveman!” Ricky, my love, don’t do this to me.
Holi-er that Thou
Later, over brunch at Backstreet Café (highly recommend, btw), Dr. Monica invites Dr. A and Rachel to Holi Mela, the Indian festival of color and love. After Holi, they’re all planning to go to the Persian New Year celebration with Elly. It’s really cool that Bravo is highlighting the unique diversity of our city with these two events.
The girls decide to rent a party bus for Holi, but they wonder how they’re going to get to the fancy Persian New Year celebration on time when they’ll be wet and covered in colored powder. Foreshadowing.
Elly and her sister Pegah have been invited to make the sofreh for the Persian New Year celebration. The sofreh is a table arranged with seven (sometimes more) symbolic items to usher in the new year. Google it. It’s super interesting.
Cut back to the party bus, which, of course, has a pole that Maribel immediately jumps on. You go, grandma.
After some dancing, laughing and throwing of colored powder, the women all look like beautiful abstract paintings, and Rachel begins to worry about getting to Persian New Year on time and cleaning all the colored powder off. “If we go like this, they’re going to be so pissed.”
Cut to Elly saying, “Proper attire for anything Persian-related is very fancy.”
Of course, there isn’t enough time to go home and change before Persian New Year, so the women start hurriedly cleaning themselves with baby wipes in the bus. Methinks maybe not enough planning went into this day...
Cleaning up at the dog wash
Then, Dr. Sato chimes in with a helpful suggestion: Let’s go through a car wash! Or better yet…a Dog Wash! And then, she and Dr. Monica actually jump into the stainless steel tub at a dog wash and start cleansing themselves with disinfectant. These are two grown women with advanced medical degrees showering at an outdoor dog wash. As Dr. A says, “Good job, doctors.”
When the crew rolls up to Persian New Year, Pegah and Elly are horrified. “So, do you feel really out of place right now?” Elly asks them with not a hint of actual concern.
Again, where was the planning? Did Dr. Monica just force them to stay there far longer than they intended? I live in Houston, too, you guys, and we have these great things called cabs for when you want to leave a party early. Or, if you’re too fancy for a cab, call an Uber X. So many solutions that didn’t involve showing up looking like the afterbirth of Rainbow Brite.
Almost as soon as they arrive, the ladies decide to leave under the harsh glares of Elly and Pegah. Dr. Monica seems not to care, claiming she can tell when she’s not wanted. Then, to add insult to colored-powder injury, she says “Have you ever heard of a doctor of audiology before?” SHOTS. FIRED.
Dr. Sato was under the impression that Dr. Elly was an ear, nose and throat doctor who specialized in audiology, but apparently she’s not. In fact, she might not even be a real doctor! Bet you didn’t see that twist coming.
So what do you think of the Houston ladies so far? Let us know in the comments, and be sure to tune in next week when the great hunt for Dr. Elly’s medical degree begins!
Read Katlin Steinberg's recap of episode 1 of Married to Medicine Houston here.