Ken's top 10
Ken Hoffman updates his 2024 bucket list — French Open is in, Astros' Abreu is out
This Wednesday, April 24, is my favorite made-up “holiday” of the year - National Bucket List Day - because it reminds me that I have things I’d love to do, places to go, people to meet, and dreams to dream.
This surprised me: Casino.org, a site that surveys the online gaming and entertainment industry, asked 3,000 people, specifically Texans, "What’s on your bucket list?" The No. 1 answer was, “Take a road trip,” followed by “Go to the beach.”
Go to the beach is a bucket-list fantasy? Wait, let me close this laptop.
Okay, I’m back. Check off “go to the beach.” If you live in Houston, the beach on Galveston is one hour away and it’s free.
Did these people understand what bucket list means? It’s things you’d like to do before you die.
Before you kick the bucket.
I’m lucky, because of my profession, I’ve gotten to actually do some of things that might otherwise be on my bucket list:
I’ve met three U.S. Presidents and a Beatle. Guess who tops that list? It’s Paul McCartney. I covered the Berlin Wall coming down for Gannett Radio and George H.W. Bush’s funeral for the Washington Post. I played tennis with John McEnroe and Chris Evert. I was Texas All-Star Wrestling’s cruiserweight champion (you can look it up on Wikipedia) and I once ate one of Joey Chestnut’s leftover hot dogs at the Coney Island contest.
So I’m constantly coming up with new bucket list hopes. Here’s my 2024 Top 10 Bucket List of dreams to dream:
10. Watch the French Open tennis final live in Paris while eating a crunchy baguette sandwich. Just one slice of ham, one slice of Swiss cheese on a buttered baguette. Moins on en fait, mieux c’est. Less is more.
9. Convince Larry David to do another season of Curb Your Enthusiasm so I don’t sink into dark despair Sunday nights.
8. Let the Texas Legislature have the balls to put sports gambling on the ballot, which would win overwhelmingly, so we can have nice things like Oklahoma and Louisiana do.
7. See something done with the Astrodome. Either fix it up or tear it down. I don’t give a flying’ Philadelphia flip either way. But letting it sit there rotting away is unacceptable.
6. Watch the Astros tell Jose Abreu it’s been real, but it’s time for you to pack up your $58.5 million and go home. Bring up Joey Loperfido and see what the rookie can do. As John Lennon said, “it can't get no worse” than Abreu.
5. Have a mad scientist invent a way for dogs to live as long as people. That’s the only problem with dogs, you literally love them to death. It’s the saddest thing ever to say goodbye to your dog.
4. Have West U name a dead-end street after me.
3. Watch English muffins assume their rightful place as the bun of choice in Burger World. English muffins taste a thousand times better and absorb more grease than lame boring burger buns. Ever eat a burger bun by itself? Disgusting. A toasted, buttered English muffin? Delicious.
(By the way, Nancy’s Hustle in Houston serves their burgers on an English muffin and Justin Verlander gives it his thumbs up.)
2. Force candidates to pick up campaign signs the day after an election or get fined $1,000 per sign. It like I’m still seeing Whitmire for Mayor signs. I’m talking Kathy Whitmire.
1. Lastly, just once, I’d like to drive from Houston to San Antonio, or Houston to Dallas, without seeing one orange barrel. When is done ever done? I know, ain’t gonna happen.