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    Mondo Cinema

    A slasher in the chat room: Smiley is a cut above — and among six new indiemovies to watch

    Joe Leydon
    Oct 12, 2012 | 10:31 am
    • Official Smiley movie poster
      Smiley The Movie/Facebook
    • Movie still from Sushi: The Global Catch
    • The Artist is Present with Marina Abramović
      MarinaFilm.com
    • Archive photo from The Other Dream Team of , USSR-era basketball
      The Film Arcade
    • Movie still from The Revisionaries
      The Revisionaries Movie
    • The Revisionaries movie poster
      The Revisionaries Movie

    When serious cineastes talk about “independent cinema,” the conversation usually focuses on gritty dramas, quirky comedies and/or earnest documentaries of the sort you’d find in high-profile slots at prestigious film festivals.

    But you have to remember: Not every “independent movie” is an “indie movie.”

    For example: Even though the AMC Theatre chain is opening a small-budget feature titled Smiley this weekend on 28 screens nationwide (including one here in H-Town at the AMC Studio 30) under its “AMC Independent” label… well, let’s put it this way: This ain’t no art film, folks.

    Director and co-screenwriter Michael Gallagher borrows a page or two from Candyman to spin a story about a smiley-faced fiend who appears each time someone is foolish enough to type his name three times while conversing in an on-line chat room.

    Rather, it’s the latest example of what my colleague Roger Ebert has aptly described as a "Dead Teenager Movie," an R-rated slasher flick in which several young people are exterminated by a masked psycho who’s in the mood for blood.

    Director and co-screenwriter Michael Gallagher borrows a page or two from Candyman to spin a story about a smiley-faced fiend who appears each time someone is foolish enough to type his name three times while conversing in an on-line chat room.

    Naturally, the plot involves a virginal college student (Caitlin Gerard) who inadvertently summons Smiley. And, just as naturally, no one believes she’s being stalked by this “urban legend” (yeah, right) even after the body count starts to mount.

    Scary stuff, kids. But maybe not a real indie.

    Casting a wide net

    There’s something fishy going on this weekend at Museum of Fine Arts, Houston: Sushi: The Global Catch, a cautionary documentary by Houston-raised, Austin-based filmmaker-lawyer Mark Hall, returns for an encore screening at 7 p.m. Saturday. (The film also will be shown at 7:30 p.m. Oct. 19.) Be forewarned: The movie may wind up making you feel at least partially responsible for disrupting the planet’s oceanic ecosystems if you like to munch on raw fish now and then.

    Also on tap at MFAH: Marina Abramovic: The Artist Is Present (1 p.m. Saturday, 5 p.m. Sunday), an admiring portrait of the performance artist, directed by Matthew Akers and Jeff Dupre; and a special screening of La Bohème (7 p.m. Monday), director King Vidor’s 1926 silent classic based on the same stories that inspired Puccini’s immortal opera, with Lillian Gish and John Gilbert among the starving artists in love in 19th century Paris. Joseph Li of Rice University’s Shepherd School of Music will provide live piano accompaniment for the latter.

    Other movies, other screens

    The Revisionaries, Scott Thurman’s provocative documentary about the ongoing battles between scientists and creationists over textbooks in Texas, kicks off a scheduled one-week run Friday at the Sundance Cinemas.

    And The Other Dream Team, Marius Markevicius’ acclaimed account of the Lithuanian national team’s improbable triumph at the 1988 Olympics in Seoul, opens Friday at the River Oaks 3.

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    Movie Review

    Meta-comedy remake Anaconda coils itself into an unfunny mess

    Alex Bentley
    Dec 26, 2025 | 2:30 pm
    Jack Black and Paul Rudd in Anaconda
    Photo by Matt Grace
    Jack Black and Paul Rudd in Anaconda.

    In Hollywood’s never-ending quest to take advantage of existing intellectual property, seemingly no older movie is off limits, even if the original was not well-regarded. That’s certainly the case with 1997’s Anaconda, which is best known for being a lesser entry on the filmography of Ice Cube and Jennifer Lopez, as well as some horrendous accent work by Jon Voight.

    The idea behind the new meta-sequel Anaconda is arguably a good one. Four friends — Doug (Jack Black), Griff (Paul Rudd), Claire (Thandiwe Newton), and Kenny (Steve Zahn) — who made homemade movies when they were teenagers decide to remake Anaconda on a shoestring budget. Egged on by Griff, an actor who can’t catch a break, the four of them pull together enough money to fly down to Brazil, hire a boat, and film a script written by Doug.

    Naturally, almost nothing goes as planned in the Amazon, including losing their trained snake and running headlong into a criminal enterprise. Soon enough, everything else takes second place to the presence of a giant anaconda that is stalking them and anyone else who crosses its path.

    Written and directed by Tom Gormican, with help from co-writer Kevin Etten, the film is designed to be an outrageous comedy peppered with laugh-out-loud moments that cover up the fact that there’s really no story. That would be all well and good … if anything the film had to offer was truly funny. Only a few scenes elicit any honest laughter, and so instead the audience is fed half-baked jokes, a story with no focus, and actors who ham it up to get any kind of reaction.

    The biggest problem is that the meta-ness of the film goes too far. None of the core four characters possess any interesting traits, and their blandness is transferred over to the actors playing them. And so even as they face some harrowing situations or ones that could be funny, it’s difficult to care about anything they do since the filmmakers never make the basic effort of making the audience care about them.

    It’s weird to say in a movie called Anaconda, but it becomes much too focused on the snake in the second half of the film. If the goal is to be a straight-up comedy, then everything up to and including the snake attacks should be serving that objective. But most of the time the attacks are either random or moments when the characters are already scared, and so any humor that could be mined all but disappears.

    Black and Rudd are comedy all-stars who can typically be counted on to elevate even subpar material. That’s not the case here, as each only scores on a few occasions, with Black’s physicality being the funniest thing in the movie. Newton is not a good fit with this type of movie, and she isn’t done any favors by some seriously bad wigs. Zahn used to be the go-to guy for funny sidekicks, but he brings little to the table in this role.

    Any attempt at rebooting/remaking an old piece of IP should make a concerted effort to differentiate itself from the original, and in that way, the new Anaconda succeeds. Unfortunately, that’s its only success, as the filmmakers can never find the right balance to turn it into the bawdy comedy they seemed to want.

    ---

    Anaconda is now playing in theaters.

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