It's time to ditch the Rosetta Stone. When it comes to relieving your gringo guilt for not remembering a single conjugation from your high school classes, summer studying in Costa Rica or year-long matriculation at a university in Madrid, you've got to get creative. Take these tips for reigniting the Spanish flame in your corazón (that means heart, P.S.):

1. Sea un Belieber

So there's this chick named Natalia Dominguez somewhere in Paraguay, which I'm pretty sure is the capital of Uruguay but it also might be the name of a taco truck in the Second Ward. In any case, she's a big fan of Justin Bieber, who may not know what a taco even is.

But Natalia's Twitter presence has revolutionized my understanding of Latin American language and culture. Once you start following @Heismydreams_JB, you'll learn how to say such useful phrases as, "I want to marry a sexy blonde Canadian who knows how to sing and knows how to dance," and, "Today I must confess to you that you are my life."

Extra credit: Join my efforts in lobbying HarperCollins to release a Spanish-language edition of Justin Bieber: First Step 2 Forever: My Story.

2. Escuche a Selena

Relive the glory of the 1995 Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo by whipping out a compact disc of Selena tracks. Singles from the Lake Jackson native and Tejano queen, like "Amor Prohibido" and "No Me Queda Más," will provide enough knowledge for the equivalent of a masters in linguistics from the University of Phoenix. Keeping a Selena CD spinning in the boombox also makes for convenient impromptu 90s-themed parties.

3. Beba Sangria Swirls

The sangria swirl is a toxic blend of frozen margarita and sangria. See, that's two Spanish words already. A night of sangria swirls invariably leads to a morning at Guadalupana, where you can continue working your newfound vocabulary over a breakfast torta.

4. Mire a telanovelas

The multicultural merits of trashy TV goes beyond guidos. My pick is Destilando Amor, which traces the drama of a tequila magnate family. This means lots of love making in agave fields. The nonstop-drama series broadcasts on Univision.

I'm hoping that soon Chapultepec will air the show at their restaurant, so that we can enjoy the tequila wars over sangria swirls. It'll be like Spanish Over Coffee, but trashier.

5. Visita a MFAH

The Museum of Fine Arts, Houston's strong roster of Latin American art exhibitions makes it easy to brush up on español because the captions are bilingual, meaning you can cross-reference words and grammatical structure. The latest installation from the museum, Cosmpolitan Routes: Houston Collects Latin American Art , is on view through Feb. 6, 2011.