big things ahead

Ken Hoffman marks the Houston Texans' biggest win: the hearts of long-suffering fans

CJ Stroud Will Anderson Jr Houston Texans 2023

C.J. Stroud and Will Anderson Jr. just swept the PFWA awards for offensive and defensive rookies of the year.

Photo courtesy of Houston Texans

It’s been a few days, but fans are still playing the big, could’ve-been moments of the Houston Texans’ big AFC Divisional showdown last Saturday against the Baltimore Ravens.

To borrow from legendary football coach T.S. Eliot, that’s how the Houston Texans season ended Saturday in Baltimore: not with a bang, but a whimper.

The top-seed Ravens ended the Texans’ miraculously unexpected charge into the playoffs with a smothering, shackling defense, 34-10, in the Divisional round. Although the score was tied 10-10 at the half, the Ravens pounded the Texans into submission with 24 unanswered points in the second half.

The Texans offense, which had excited fans all season with swashbuckling play calling and electrifying rookie quarterback C.J. Stroud, inexplicably played tighter than a gas station slot machine along I-10 in Louisiana.

Texans fans on social media groaned when the Texans started a drive or needed a couple yards on third down by running the ball up the middle for no gain. I’m thinking the team needs a “cussin’ jar” on the sidelines next season. Each time the Texans run up the middle, offensive coordinator Bobby Slowik has to throw a $100 bill in the jar.

Uh, wasn’t it a wide-open offense that brung the Texans to the post-season, including a wild card win at home? What happened? Did the coaching staff forget to take its Prevagen?

What a year

Still, what an amazing season it was for the Houston Texans. Just one year ago, thanks to one of the stupidest coaching decisions in league history by former head coach Lovie Smith, the Texans pulled victory from the jaws of a much-needed defeat and blew the No. 1 pick in the draft. The result was a 3-win season and another last-place finish in the AFC South.

C.J. Stroud Houston Texans point C.J. Stroud is clearly the No. 1 rookie this year. Photo via Houston Texans

While the Carolina Panthers got their man at No. 1, Bryce Young from Alabama, the Texans had to “settle” for Stroud, who turned in one of the most sensational rookie seasons — ever. Meanwhile, Young is still wandering the Panthers sidelines with his helmet on sideways after getting his brains rattled.

From blown up to blowing up

The Texans blew up the franchise. They started in 2022 by punting vice president Jack Easterby. For a refresher, Easterby was compared to a “pox” and a “cancer” by fans — even an “STD that lingered.” (Ew.)

As I mentioned back then, a Sports Illustrated exposé on Easterby revealed that he brought a “culture of mistrust and constant chaos among staff and players,” arranged for illegal team practices and flouted safety rules during COVID, and reportedly hired private eyes to follow players during their off-hours.

They regrouped and hired new coach DeMeco Ryans — a fan favorite when he played here — who actually faced the field during games this season. They even improved the food at concession stands at NRG Stadium. Speaking of food, name a football stadium anywhere else in America where you can get a smash-hit Trill Burger.

Nowhere, that's where.

Bun B Hannah Cal McNair Houston Texans Trill Burgers Bun B brought his smash Trill Burgers to Texans games. Photo by Marco Torres.

Everything that could go right … went right. The team finished with 10 regular season wins plus the wild card victory. Nobody saw any of this coming.

Where do the Texans go from here? Head coach Ryans will get lots of love for NFL Coach of the Year. If Stroud doesn’t win Offensive Rookie of the Year — unanimously — there oughta be an investigation.

Houston's C.J. Stroud selected 2023 PFWA Rookie of the Year and Offensive Rookie of the Year; Texans' Will Anderson Jr. named Defensive Rookie of the Year; All-Rookie Team selected:https://t.co/9u7iFec6Sq pic.twitter.com/YCXNSOVQpj
— Pro Football Writers (@PFWAwriters) January 23, 2024

Don’t take my word for it. Stroud and Will Anderson Jr., whom the Texans drafted at No. 3 right after they drafted Stroud, were just named Offensive Rookie of the Year and Defensive Rookie of the Year — respectively — by the Pro Football Writers of America. In the pro football world, that’s a good precursor to the bigger, official NFL award given announced later.

Offensive coordinator Slowik will interview for head coaching positions because it’s well know that the NFL struggles to find white coaches for these jobs. The Texans will be the favorites to win the AFC South next season.

Rekindling the love

More important, the Texans won back the city and its fans. Last year, and a few more years before that, the only business making money was the company that made the tarp to hide empty seats in the upper deck. The sidewalk game day traders couldn’t give away Texans tickets. Literally had no takers.

Now? And for the future? Texans football is back. It’s fun again. We can root for these guys.

Next season can’t get here soon enough.

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What are you most excited about for the Texans next year? Let Ken know at ken@culturemap.com or on Twitter.

chill out

Houston Astros ballpark gets cool new name for the next 15 years

Courtesy of the Houston Astros

The Astros' stadium will have a new name in 2025.

The Houston Astros are about to have the coolest ballpark in Major League Baseball. The team announced on Monday, November 18 that its has reached a naming rights agreement HVAC manufacturer Daikin Comfort Technologies North America, Inc.

Beginning on January 1, 2025, the stadium will be known as Daikin Park (die-kin). Scheduled to run through the 2039 season, the new name replaces Minute Maid Park, which has been the stadium’s name since 2002. It opened in 1999 as Enron Field.

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Astros fans online are already calling the new stadium “The Ice Box,” replacing its informal “The Juice Box” moniker. That name feels likely to stick.

Japan-based Daikin Industries is a leading manufacturer of HVAC systems. It sells air conditioning units and other products under brand names such as Daikin, Goodman, Amana® and Quietflex. Critically, it operates Daikin Texas Technology Park in nearby Waller, which is the largest HVAC manufacturing facility in North America. The company employs approximately 10,000 people in Greater Houston, according to a release.

“We are excited to be partnering with Daikin for our ballpark’s naming rights,” Astros owner Jim said. “Daikin is an international company that proudly calls the Greater Houston area its North American home. The Houston Astros and Daikin share the same values, a commitment to excellence and a desire to give back to our local community. As we celebrate the 25th anniversary of this ballpark in 2025, I am proud to have Daikin alongside us to create even more special memories for our fans now and in the future.”

The Astros will use the revenue for new stadium amenities and other upgrades. It will also continue the team’s various community initiatives. Terms of the deal were not disclosed. the Houston Chronicle notes that naming rights deals may be worth anywhere from $3.5 million per year (T-Mobile park in Seattle) to $11 million per year for the Texas Rangers’ Globe Life Field.

The team’s first game in Daikin Park will take place on Monday, March 24, which it plays an exhibition against its Triple-A affiliate, the Sugar Land Space Cowboys. It will open the regular season on Thursday, March 27 against the New York Mets.

“Daikin fit all of the criteria we set out to find in a naming rights partner,” Astros senior vice president Matt Brand added. “Their name and reputation fit our iconic downtown Houston home, and their values mesh perfectly with those of the Astros. We are grateful to partner with the entire Daikin team and to help them succeed in their business goals. Daikin Park will be a special place for our fans for many years to come.”

houston astros daikin park business