Here (deep breath and let me loosen my belt a notch) are the new treats that my trusty band of taste testers tried on the Carnival Midway at the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo. As a reminder, I recruited my son Andrew Hoffman, Matthew Clemens (eight years), and Andrew and Nikki Hardee (four and two years) to help me taste test the newest creations from Dominic Palmieri, the CEO and corporate chef behind the food served at all of the Ray Cammack Shows stands at the Rodeo (read my interview with Dominic here).

  

Courtesy of Ray Cammack Shows

Ken called the Nashville hot chicken tots "sensational."

Mind you, because I am the dizzy dean of Carnival food reviewers, I wandered off and grabbed a couple of old favorites along the tour – notably Garlic Fries and a big ol’ cheeseburger at Biggy’s.

Pork Drummies. Bone-in, mini-slabs of pork drenched in sweet ‘n’ sour Korean-style bbq sauce. They really do look like chicken wings. How do they do that? Apparently this is when pigs fly. ($18 at the Get Fried booth.)

The Pickle Split. A giant dill pickle sliced in half lengthwise, topped with Dole pineapple soft serve, chamoy and tajin seasoning. It looks just like a banana split at the ice cream shop except it’ll make your face go all scrunchy. ($14 at the Pineapple Whip stand by the new Joker 360 ride.)

Pina Colada Palm Tree. A 16-inch tall plastic palm tree souvenir cup filled with pina colada soft drink, coconut and Dole pineapple whip. Booze-free but it’ll get you where you want to be. ($16 at the Pineapple Whip stand.)

Texas BBQ Pizza. Pulled pork, jalapenos, sliced red onions, topped with spicy ranch sauce. Served on a New York-style thin crust. ($9 at the Wild Card Pizza booth by the G-FORCE ride.)

Potato Corn Dog. An extra-long corn dog dipped in batter and rolled in hash brown potatoes. Deep-fried golden brown. I’m a meat and potatoes guy so a Top 3 pick for me. ($12 at Mustards Café in front of the Wild Mouse Roller Coaster.)

Loco Street Corn in a Cup. Mayo, tajin, parmesan cheese and cilantro. Who says I’m anti-vegite? ($10 at the Corn Shack.)

A Tall Boy of Kettle Corn. Seven different flavors this year. I love the Caramel Apple Kettle Corn. These bags will last up to six months in your freezer. Or one week in my house. I can’t keep a secret from myself. ($8 at the Cowboy KettleCorn stand.)

A Bucket of Chocolate Chip Cookies. Just because. These are baked fresh all day and get you across the finish line. Depending on how many in your group, the bucket may or may not make it to the parking lot. ($25 at the Totally Baked Cookie Joint.

Sour Apple Lemonade. Made fresh all day. Sounds weird but … yes! Ice cold and very quenching. Cups come with a strawberry or lemon-lime sugar rim. ($9 at Squeezers.)

Texas Twinkies. Jumbo jalapenos stuffed with brisket and cheese that are wrapped in bacon, smoked, and fried. This one has a good shot at making the permanent menu. If only the person who invented these used their power for good instead of evil. (Three for $16 at the Steak Out booth.)

Hot Cheetos & Cheese Pickle Pizza. Introduced as a secret menu item last year. Exactly as it sounds, topped with a white ranch dill sauce, loads of mozzarella cheese, smashed Cheetos, and crunchy pickles on a New York-style thin crust. Obviously the world has gone mad. ($9 at Enzo’s Pizza stand.)

The Barbalicious Float. Hand-crafted pink bubble gum soda topped with whipped cream and sprinkles. Then, just for grins, they throw a big fluff of cotton candy on top. Served with a pink lollipop on the side. If you’re a macho Ken-type like me, the lolly is blue. This treat won the Gold Buckle Award for Most Creative. ($10 at the Candy Factory in front of the Mutton Bustin’ tent.)

Peaches ‘n’ Cream Funnel Cake. A heavy-duty, I swear the thing weighs two pounds, funnel cake loaded with chunks of peaches and whipped cream. Big enough for four. I know that’s usually an empty boast, but really, this will handle four people. ($16 at the Dutchman’s Funnel Cakes stand.)

Nashville Chicken Tots. Two big slabs of double-battered Nashville Hot chicken with a giant side of tater tots doused in garlic butter sauce. I may have to get a traveling job in the Whack-a-Mole booth just to get my weekly dose of this dish. Sensational. ($16 at Biggy’s.)