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    if i had a tail

    Award-winning Houston bar returns after short closure with big upgrades and exciting news

    Eric Sandler
    Sep 18, 2023 | 5:58 pm

    Changes have come to Monkey’s Tail. The CultureMap Tastemaker Award-winning neighborhood bar in Lindale Park returned to service this weekend after an almost month-long closure for some behind the scenes renovations and upgrades.

    Those changes are only the start. As it prepares to open a second location in Conroe next month (hopefully) and Grease Monkey, a new concept in the former Petrol Station space in the spring, Monkey’s Tail owner Jessie Gonzalez has made other changes, too.

    First, the bar’s food truck is in the process of being replaced with a permanent kitchen that will take approximately six months to build. Second, beverage director Lainey Collum is stepping into the operations role formerly occupied by Steven Ripley, who will maintain a part-time consulting role on the food offerings at both bars.

    “Monkey’s Tail has morphed into something different than what it started. It just keeps growing,” Gonzalez tells CultureMap. “We want things to flow better. If you want to open multiple locations, you have to have structure.”

    He adds that he’s amazing that new people still visit the bar four years into its existing, coming from places as far away as Conroe and Katy. All of the changes are designed to deal with the growing crowds and plan for the future.

    “It’s growing pains,” Collum adds. “The volume keeps getting bigger. It’s an amazing problem to have. How do we make the bar more functional to deal with that, so people don’t have super long waits?”

    Physically, those structures start with improvements to the inner patio. It now features a U-shaped floating roof designed to provide more shade and protection from the rain than the umbrellas it replaces. The roof complements an outdoor bar and helps make the patio more comfortable. Adding new TVs mean Astros fans will be able to root for the team both indoors and outside during this year’s playoff run.

    “We’re trying to get ourselves ready for patio season,” Collum explains. “We also do a big Christmas celebration, a Feliz Navidad thing with a big Christmas tree and tons of decorations. We want to blow it out as big as it can be.”

    Similarly, the decision to replace the bar’s food food truck with a full kitchen reflects Gonzalez and Collum’s interests in serving more people more quickly. Monkey’s Tail’s weekend brunch service has become increasingly popular, and Monday’s steak night has doubled its revenue over the past couple of years.

    “We’ve gone over 200 steaks a night,” Gonzalez says. “For a bar, it’s a lot of steak.”

    While the kitchen is under construction, Monkey’s Tail will utilize guest food trucks. Elements, chef Zach McClendon’s traveling steak night pop-up that also operates the kitchen at Cottonwood, will take on steak night until the kitchen is operational.

    On the personnel side, Collum is taking the lead on operations and being granted a partnership stake in the company. She brings a wide range of experiences to her role, including working as the assistant general manager at Hay Merchant, a bar manager at The Pass & Provisions, the beverage director for Prohibition, and a management role at Yauatcha, the stylish dim sum restaurant from the international Hakkasan Group. Now, she’s accepted the challenge of being an owner and applying some of those fine dining standards to a casual, come-as-you-are, neighborhood bar.

    “I have a very varied background of all different types of places, but I do have a high end pedigree,” she says. “I switched over to a more casual concept, because in my mind, that’s where the bar world is going. Nothing against fine dining, it’s amazing, but as far as longevity goes, it’s tough.”

    Collum’s most immediate responsibility is opening Monkey’s Tail’s second location in Conroe (2017 N. Frazier St.). Announced last year, it’s expected to open in October.

    Conroe residents can expect the full Monkey's Tail menu — including wings, tacos, and the signature Chango Burger, along with all of its popular stirred, shaken, and frozen cocktails. Events such as steak night will also make the journey north. If Conroe proves to be successful, Gonzalez has his eye on other cities for additional locations, including Katy and Brenham.

    Once Conroe is up and running, Collum will turn her attention to Grease Monkey. The project has been delayed for a variety of reasons, but is expected to open by mid-2024. As in the Petrol Station days, draft beer will remain a core part of the bar’s offerings, along with cocktails and a slimmed-down version of the Monkey’s Tail food menu to allow for its smaller kitchen.

    “We don’t want to take it lightly. We can take Monkey’s Tail and replicate it in Conroe. That’s not what Grease Monkey is,” Collum says.

    “With Steven leaving the group, I don’t want to say what it’s going to be. It might change a little bit.”

    Ultimately, Gonzalez and Collum share the same goal of making the original Monkey’s Tail and any related locations durable Houston institutions. With the right systems in place, they plan to serve customers for years to come.

    “We want to be here for the long term,” Gonzalez says. “I know it’s hard for bars to do that, but Little Woodrow’s has. If they can do it, why can’t we?”

    Monkey's Tail Northside frozen margarita

    Monkey's Tail Northside frozen margarita
    Photo by Kirsten Gilliam

    The Conroe location will have a full lineup of frozen cocktails.

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    Farm to fairground

    Ultimate guide to Texas' top food festivals for summer and fall 2026

    Shilo Urban
    Jun 15, 2026 | 4:00 pm
    Parker County Peach Festival
    Photo courtesy of Parker County Peach Festival
    Everyone eats peaches at Parker County's famous festival.

    Only in Texas can an entire weekend revolve around watermelon seed-spitting, pickle juice drinking, or a championship goat cookoff. Across the state, summer and fall bring a packed calendar of food festivals celebrating everything from peaches and peanuts to black-eyed peas and barbacoa. These beloved events pair hometown traditions with live entertainment, quirky contests, and enough local flavor to fill a cooler.

    Here's a calendar guide to Texas' best food festivals to visit in 2026:

    Parker County Peach Festival
    Photo courtesy of Parker County Peach Festival
    Everyone eats peaches at Parker County's famous festival.

    Luling Watermelon Thump – June 25-28
    Can you hear that thumping sound now? Home of the World Championship Seed-Spitting Contest, this juicy jamboree takes place just east of New Braunfels. Bid on champion-sized melons at the auction, wave hello to the Watermelon Queen, and see adorable tots wheeling in watermelons in wagons for the Lil Growers competition. Texans love our watermelon: You’ll also find the McDade Watermelon Festival (July 11), Hempstead Watermelon Festival (July 17-18), and the Naples Watermelon Festival (July 23-25).

     Luling Watermelon Thump Wave hello to the Watermelon Queen in the big Luling Watermelon Thump.Photo courtesy of Luling Watermelon Thump

    Parker County Peach Festival in Weatherford – July 11
    Stroll around Weatherford’s historic courthouse square and shop for fresh peaches galore from local growers. Browse 200+ arts and crafts vendors and sample treats like fried peach pies, peach ice cream, and peach wine. Slam down your winning tiles at the 42 domino tournament (the national game of Texas) and shop for just-picked peaches. Many people leave with several bushels! Peachapaloozas also erupt at Stonewall’s Peach JAMboree & Rodeo (June 19-21) near Fredericksburg and Fairfield’s Fuzzy Peach Festival (July 17-18).

    Cheeseburger Festival in Friona – July 18
    Just 35 miles from the New Mexico border, Friona is surrounded by cattle ranches, wheat fields, and dairy farms — which provide three of the essential ingredients for cheeseburgers. Saturday, July 18 is the big cookoff, where teams must make 200 cheeseburgers each, and the week leading up to it includes daily diversions like kite flying, archery lessons, Loteria games, and movie nights at the city pool.

    Texas Monthly Taco Fest — July 25
    Now in its second year, the event, which will be held at Discovery Green, includes many of the restaurants named to the magazine's list of the 50 Best Tacos in Texas. Participants include Houston favorites such as the Original Ninfa’s, Cochinita & Co., Maximo, Tacos Frontera, Huncho’s Tacos, and Papalo Taqueria, which ranked No. 7 on the list. In addition, look for Burnt Bean Co., from Seguin, ranked No. 1 on the magazine's top 50 barbecue joints list, and Ana Liz Taqueria, from Mission, the number one taqueria on the 50 Best Tacos list, among a host of others. Tickets are priced at $60 for general admission and $85 for VIP.

    World Championship Goat Cookoff in Brady – September 4-5
    Labor Day weekend brings more than 200 teams of goat chefs to this tiny town that’s smack in the middle of the state. But it’s not just about shining a light on an underappreciated meat; showmanship is also key. Cooking teams try to outdo each other with elaborate themed camps, giving the event a family-reunion-meets-tailgate-party atmosphere.

    Texas Banana Pudding Festival in Slaton – September 5
    The Banana Pudding Capital of Texas is way out west near Lubbock, and every autumn a local bakery hosts a ‘nanner puddin’ blowout in the historic town square. The street festival oozes small-town charm (think vintage tractor displays and pinewood derby races) with fantastic b-pudding flavors like Key lime pie and peanut butter.

    Caldwell Kolache Festival – September 12
    With tens of thousands of kolaches, nonstop polka music, and a parade with colorful folk costumes, this celebration honors Czech culture and heritage. Found close to College Station, Caldwell is called the Czech Capital of Texas, and its signature festival also features the Beseda (the national dance of the Czech Republic) and kolache baking and eating contests.

    In a Pickle Festival in Helotes – September 19
    Does the idea of dogs dressed like pickles tickle your fancy? The pickled pet parade is a highlight of this Hill Country brou-ha-ha, and so is the pickle juice drinking competition. Chug! Chug! Chug! Hungry now? Try pickle pizza, pickle ice cream, and freeze-dried pickles — and if you still haven’t had enough, there’s a second In a Pickle Festival in Mercedes each spring, and Garland hosts its Pickle Party on the Square with a Pickle University every June.

    Bertram Oatmeal Festival – September 26
    Head to this Hill Country hamlet to meet Oatie, the festival mascot (a container of 3-Minute Oats) and his masked arch-nemesis, the Grits Guzzler (a corny cornmeal-pushing villain). Watch their shenanigans unfold down the street before you sign up for silly games like the tortilla toss and cow chip kick. Children can get ooey-gooey searching for prizes in the popular oatmeal dig, a kiddie pool filled with oats.

    Southern Smoke Festival — October 3
    Houston's most star-studded annual food event returns to Discovery Green with almost 100 participating chefs. As always, the roster is headlined by Aaron Franklin, who serves the brisket that made Austin's Franklin Barbecue one of the country's most celebrated restaurants. Other participants include Paul Carmichael, the chef behind the New York Times' no. 1 restaurant Kabawa; Serigne Mbaye, whose New Orleans restaurant Dakar NOLA ranked No. 4 on the new list of North America's 50 Best Restaurants; and the return of pizza master Chris Bianco. Tickets, priced at $225 for general admission and $550 for Lexus VIP, are available now.

    Bertram Oatmeal Festival Meet Oatie, the mascot of the Bertram Oatmeal Festival. Photo courtesy of Bertram Oatmeal Festival

    Floresville Peanut Festival – October 6-10
    The enticing aroma of roasting peanuts fills the air at this South Texas fest, which dates all the way back to 1938. It kicks off with Goober Games for children (like sack races and peanut tossing) and a Kiddie Parade with pint-sized floats. Then the serious fun begins: a grand parade, barbecue cookoff, and washer tournament — plus a panoply of peanutty treats, from old-school peanut brittle to newfangled inventions like fried peanut butter sandwiches.

    Barbacoa and Big Red Festival in San Antonio – October 10-11
    Inspired by a Mexican American weekend lunch ritual, this giant fair celebrates the uber-Texas combo of ice-cold Big Red soda and slow-cooked barbacoa. Thousands of fans flock to the Freeman Coliseum grounds and Expo Hall for this full-blown cultural festival with carnival rides and multiple stages of Tejano and country music.

    Jamburgeree in Athens – October 16-17
    Turtle races? Check. Mooing competition? Check. Hamburger-building contest? Of course! This Piney Woods party is two food festivals in one: the Black-Eyed Pea Jamboree and the Uncle Fletch Hamburger Festival — because Athens is the Black-Eyed Pea Capital of the World AND the Birthplace of the Hamburger. Vegetarians and carnivores can walk hand-in-hand through the food fest and enjoy the eats along with a black-eyed pea spitting contest, a farmer’s market, and a cornhole tournament.

    Seguin Pecan Fest – October 24
    Snap a selfie with the world’s largest pecan in this picturesque town along the Guadalupe River, the Pecan Capital of Texas and one of the state’s leading producers of our favorite nuts. Pecan-themed festivities include a Food Truck Throwdown with pecan-inspired dishes and a Get Crackin’ Contest for masochists who like to shell pecans. Last year’s bash also had llamas.

    Pecan Fest Of course there's a Pecan Fest in Texas.Photo courtesy of Pecan Fest

    Crystal City Spinach Festival – October 29-November 1
    Celebrate Popeye’s favorite food for four whole days in Crystal City, located about 100 miles southwest of San Antonio in Zavala County — Texas’ top spinach-producing county for more than a century. Naturally, there’s a spinach cookoff, as well as a parade, carnival rides, and the crowning of the Spinach Festival Queen. Don’t forget to pay your regards to the statue of Popeye, who popularized spinach during the Great Depression — transforming Crystal City’s economy and spurring the founding of the Spinach Festival in 1936.

    Heritage Syrup Festival – November 14 in Henderson
    Watch ribbon cane syrup as it’s made with antique, mule-powered equipment at this Easy Texas folk life festival. You’ll also see demonstrations of lace making, blacksmithing, rope making, quilting, spinning, and wood carving. Hayrides and square dancing complete the old-fashioned fun.

    Poteet Strawberry Festival – Second weekend of April 2027 (date TBA)
    Last but certainly not least, this massive event near San Antonio attracts over 100,000 fruit fanatics to the Strawberry Capital of Texas every spring. It has it all: fireworks, rodeo thrills, marching bands, carnival rides, and more than a dozen stages of entertainment from folklorico dancers to dueling pianos. But the star of the show is the sweet South Texas strawberry, a ruby-red gem that gets gobbled by the truckload.

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