Franks for the Fourth
Health nuts threaten to ruin the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest
Health-conscious people ruin everything.
This year, as I settle in to watch ESPN's broadcast of the 96th annual Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest on the Fourth of July, I'll have more to worry about than whether or not Kobayashi is going to storm the stage.
News flash from The Daily Beast: Hot dogs can be bad for you.
The website, in classic Debbie Downer fashion, declares that "hot dogs are little more than processed, fatty meat and fillers loaded with carcinogenic preservatives."
Hot dogs are like any other great food item: There is a strong inverse relationship between how good something tastes and how good it is for you.
Consider my buzz killed.
While it's far from a surprise that hot dogs aren't exactly the healthiest option around, I don't think anyone really eats them for their health benefits.
Hot dogs are like any other great food item: There is a strong inverse relationship between how good something tastes and how good it is for you. My favorite hot dog, for example, is topped with chopped barbecue and cole slaw and affectionately named The Barnyard. The only concession to healthy eating I am willing to make is that I get the dog grilled and not deep fried.
Other examples that prove this theory are burgers and grilled cheese sandwiches.
So, if you are brave enough to peruse The Beast's list of the best and worst wieners, with the rankings based on calories, fat, saturated fat, sodium and protein content, this is what you'll discover:
The healthiest dogs aren't actually hot dogs at all.
Only one of the top five healthiest hot dogs is actually made of beef. The healthiest of them all is a buffalo dog, followed by turkey, chicken (times two) and then beef.
The rest of the top 20 includes a fair amount of beef, but it is usually combined with other meat products. Most of these products are also labeled "fat free," which we all know is a euphemism for "not as good as the alternative."
The unhealthy ones seem a lot more enjoyable than their counterparts.
The eighth most unhealthy frank is beef and cheddar. Need I say more? I'm salivating despite the fact that I just ate a cheeseburger. Not to mention the fourth unhealthiest is a jalapeno cheese wiener. Conclusion: Cheese makes everything less healthy, and therefore better tasting.
The least healthy frank of all, and likely most tasty? Dietz & Watson's beef frankfurters.
And, yes, Nathan's Famous skinless franks came in 14th on the "deadliest" list, which means Joey Chestnut will probably be most satisfied after he ingests 50-plus hot dogs to claim his fifth straight Coney Island title.
