WORKOUT WATER
New, plant-based Texas vodka brand made with protein and superfoods
Yes, you can drink straight from I'm Parched bamboo lid.
Cocktails and CrossFit usually don’t mix, but a San Antonio entrepreneur is trying to shake up the spirits scene with a new specialty liquor, I’m Parched, that she calls the world’s first-to-market protein and superfood vodka.
A news release says thirsty local businesswoman Michelle Parchman came up with the idea while undergoing a fitness journey, throwing supplement powder into a mixed drink on a whim.
“After trading cocktails for cardio, I missed the ritual of a good drink,” explains Parchman in the release. “I tossed 30 grams of protein into my cocktail shaker – and one shake later, the Pro-Tini was born. Equal parts rebellious and intentional, I believe wellness and happy hour can coexist.”
The vodka, bottled in Houston, is gluten- and sugar-free and entirely plant-based. Yes, some vodkas are not vegan, using a substance called isinglass, from fish bladders, or gelatin to clarify the liquid — a fact that might make you side-eye one’s martini on a dinner date.
The ingredients include elder, yarrow, “superfoods harvested in nutrient-rich Hawaiian farms,” and the “Miracle Berry,” a plant the release describes as “a plant-based protein from South Africa.”
Usually, that nickname applies to Synsepalum dulcificum, a West African plant that makes sour foods taste sweet. Presumably, Parchman is referring to another of the continent’s versatile fruits, the katemfe. Thaumatin, the natural sweetener derived from the plant, is listed on the bottles.
The website describes the taste as “subtle, silky-smooth and lightly floral,” with “zero burn and a hint of botanicals.” The brand recommends using it in the Pompadour with freshly squeezed pomegranate, purple cabbage, and red apple juice or Orange Protinius, a boozy play on the nostalgic Orange Julius recipe with oat milk and vanilla extract.
It’s worth noting that the brand makes no health claims, keeping the exact amount of protein proprietary. High-impact interval training is perhaps better suited for old-fashioned water. Still, I'm Parched is probably better for one’s overall wellness than Taaka.
I’m Parched retails for $39.99 online and can be found locally at Twin Liquors and Spec’s.
