weekend event planner

These are the top 14 things to do in Houston this weekend

Houston will basically be going into Christmas overdrive this weekend.

We got theaters doing yuletide-themed stage shows, holiday parties that encourage you to come out in your favorite ugly Christmas sweater, holiday markets, and lots of toy drives. A ramen spot will even have actual snow and a Mariah Carey doppelganger on its premises. The weather may not know it’s Christmastime, but the city definitely does.

Thursday, December 19

Improv Houston presents Joel Kim Booster
LA-based comedian and writer Joel Kim Booster cares deeply about cats, appointment television, various feuds, and more. He has co-hosted Quibi’s Singled Out remake alongside Keke Palmer and starred as Jun Ho in NBC’s Sunnyside. Recently, he wrote and starred in the film Fire Island, and co-starred on the Apple TV+ comedy Loot. His stand-up has been featured on The Late Late Show with James Corden, Conan, Netflix, Comedy Central and more. 7:30 pm.

Stages presents Sister's Christmas Catechism: The Mystery of the Magi's Gold
It's CSI: Bethlehem in this holiday mystery extravaganza, as Sister takes on the mystery that has intrigued historians throughout the ages — whatever happened to the Magi's gold? ("We know that Mary used the frankincense and myrrh as a sort of potpourri — they were in a barn after all.") Employing her own scientific tools, as well as a gaggle of audience members, Sister creates a living nativity unlike any you've ever seen. 7:30 pm (7:30 pm Friday and Saturday; 2:30 pm Sunday).

93' Til 4 Year Anniversary & Holiday Party
Houston restaurant and vinyl bar 93' Til is celebrating its fourth anniversary with an evening of dinner, drink specials, music, and entertainment. In honor of the milestone, 93' Til is featuring its new seasonal dinner and holiday cocktail menus, as well as special promotions featuring Rosaluna Mezcal cocktails. An all-vinyl (we’re talking all 45s, all night here!) lineup of DJs will set the evening's soundtrack, with performances from Fire Frunk, Demo, and L080. 8 pm.

Friday, December 20

Ninja Ramen presents Ninja Winter Wonderland
Ninja Ramen will be going all the way out for its annual, indoor snow event with 10,000 pounds of real, actual snow inside the restaurant — dress warmly. There will also be a “Mall-Mariah” (aka a Mariah Carey lookalike) around to take pictures with customers. Casamigos and Mezcal Union will be making special drinks and cocktails like the MezCaliente, a boozy Mexican hot chocolate with a giant marshmallow. (Non-alcoholic offerings will also be available.) And, of course, don’t forget about the ramen. 4 pm (4 pm Saturday and Sunday).

Taste Kitchen + Bar’s Ugly Sweater Happy Hour & Toy Drive
Downtown eatery Taste Kitchen + Bar will be getting its holly-jolly on with its Ugly Sweater Happy Hour. Taste will be collecting toys to donate to the City Wide Club for children at their 46th Annual Christmas Super Feast event on Christmas Eve. This is an opportunity to put on that favorite ugly Christmas sweater, donate a new toy to make a difference in the life of a child at Christmastime, enjoy food and drinks at special prices, and have a chance to win some awesome prizes. 4:20 pm.

The Museum of Fine Arts, Houston presents The Umbrellas of Cherbourg (Les parapluies de Cherbourg)
In this dazzling, bittersweet 1964 musical from Jacques Demy, an umbrella-shop owner’s daughter (Catherine Deneuve) glows with first love for a garage mechanic (Nino Castelnuovo). When he is sent to fight in Algeria, the two pledge their hearts to each other, but this true love succumbs to the realities of life and unexpected consequences. It’s one of the most revered and unorthodox movie musicals of all time, exquisitely designed in a kaleidoscope of colors, and told entirely through the lilting songs of the composer Michel Legrand. 7 pm (7 pm Saturday and 2 pm Sunday).

A.D. Players presents A Texas Carol Part Deux
Everyone's favorite dysfunctional East Texas family is back. The Dinkel family is gathering back on Mee-Maw's beloved ranch on Christmas Day to celebrate Ginny and Hugo's wedding. But Hugo, the new head coach of the Houston NHL expansion team, is stuck in Dallas, snowed in by a whopping eighth of an inch. Hugo's absence forces Gretta, Erik, and Van to once again run a poorly conceived (but well-meaning) scheme to keep the truth from the ultra-anxious Ginny. 7:30 pm (2 & 7:30 pm Saturday; 2 pm Sunday).

Saturday, December 21

Acres Home Chamber Holiday Farmers Market
The Acres Home Chamber hosts its free, monthly, second Annual Holiday Farmers Market, featuring photos with Santa, toys for a limited number of neighborhood children, and a holiday giveaway for SNAP/EBT users. As parents wait for their children to capture memories with Santa, they’ll have the chance to learn more about healthy eating through a cooking demonstration and support local farmers, artisans, and food vendors — something that has a lasting impact in food deserts like Acres Home. 10 am.

First Saturday Arts Market
The First Saturday Arts Market will extend its season with a special rain date. Under partly sunny skies and cooler temperatures, more than 30 artists will gather for what they’re calling the Last Chance Holiday Art Market. This event offers a final opportunity for holiday shoppers and visitors to experience Houston’s original, monthly, outdoor art market. Attendees can browse paintings, sculptures, photography, jewelry, and more. Live local music and offerings from Houston Cider Co. will contribute to a festive atmosphere. 11 am.

William Beckmann in concert
Texas crooner William Beckmann comes to Houston as part of his 2024 Las Posadas Tour, a six-city special set of performances featuring an intimate night of Christmas music, Spanish songs, storytelling, and select Beckmann originals. He'll be joined by special guest Harper O'Neill. One hundred percent of VIP package sales will be donated to the Texas Cavaliers Charitable Foundation to fund and support hundreds of children’s charities and organizations throughout Texas. 7 pm.

The Copacabana Hall’s Grand Opening Celebration and Toy Drive
Brand-new, downtown/East River event venue The Copacabana Hall is inviting the community to its Grand Opening Celebration and Toy Drive this weekend. Admission to the event comes with a simple yet meaningful request: guests are asked to bring one new, unwrapped toy per person to brighten the holidays for local children and families in need. The collected toys will benefit Katy Angels and will be distributed to children in the East River community. 8 pm.

Sunday, December 22

White Oak Music Hall presents Houston Toy Drive Hosted by d4vd
19-year-old global artist d4vd will be holding a toy drive at White Oak Music Hall this weekend. d4vd emerged as a visionary artist only one year after he began writing and recording heart-piercing tracks alone in his sister's closet here in Houston. d4vd developed his eclectic taste in rap and indie music from internet wormholes and fan-made Fortnite videos on YouTube, which he also started creating as a homeschooled teenager. The toys will be donated to a local foster care group ahead of Christmas. 10 am.

Color Factory presents Winter Colorland Night
Houstonians can kick off holiday week at Color Factory’s Winter Colorland Night. Attendees will receive a free Winter Colorland mug (while supplies last). In addition, there’s a chance for guests to unwrap a surprise. Find one of five shimmering stars hidden in Color Factory’s ball pit and win a $50 Color Shop gift card. Don your festive attire and bring your friends and family for a memorable night of joy, dazzling photo ops with instant digital photos, holiday tunes and a reimagined confetti room. 4 pm.

Punch Line Houston presents Alok
American comedian/poet Alok will be in town this weekend to perform their comedy show “Hairy Situation” – which first debuted at Edinburgh Fringe Festival in August. From captivating global audiences as an author, poet, comedian and actor to challenging norms and launching trends in fashion and beauty, Alok has cemented their status as a transformative influence in contemporary art, culture, and advocacy. They have captivated audiences in over 40 countries, as well as headline the Netflix is a Joke and Just For Laughs festivals. 6:30 pm.

Photo courtesy of Stages

Stages presents Sister's Christmas Catechism: The Mystery of the Magi's Gold.

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Movie Review

Meta-comedy remake Anaconda coils itself into an unfunny mess

Photo by Matt Grace

Jack Black and Paul Rudd in Anaconda.

In Hollywood’s never-ending quest to take advantage of existing intellectual property, seemingly no older movie is off limits, even if the original was not well-regarded. That’s certainly the case with 1997’s Anaconda, which is best known for being a lesser entry on the filmography of Ice Cube and Jennifer Lopez, as well as some horrendous accent work by Jon Voight.

The idea behind the new meta-sequel Anaconda is arguably a good one. Four friends — Doug (Jack Black), Griff (Paul Rudd), Claire (Thandiwe Newton), and Kenny (Steve Zahn) — who made homemade movies when they were teenagers decide to remake Anaconda on a shoestring budget. Egged on by Griff, an actor who can’t catch a break, the four of them pull together enough money to fly down to Brazil, hire a boat, and film a script written by Doug.

Naturally, almost nothing goes as planned in the Amazon, including losing their trained snake and running headlong into a criminal enterprise. Soon enough, everything else takes second place to the presence of a giant anaconda that is stalking them and anyone else who crosses its path.

Written and directed by Tom Gormican, with help from co-writer Kevin Etten, the film is designed to be an outrageous comedy peppered with laugh-out-loud moments that cover up the fact that there’s really no story. That would be all well and good … if anything the film had to offer was truly funny. Only a few scenes elicit any honest laughter, and so instead the audience is fed half-baked jokes, a story with no focus, and actors who ham it up to get any kind of reaction.

The biggest problem is that the meta-ness of the film goes too far. None of the core four characters possess any interesting traits, and their blandness is transferred over to the actors playing them. And so even as they face some harrowing situations or ones that could be funny, it’s difficult to care about anything they do since the filmmakers never make the basic effort of making the audience care about them.

It’s weird to say in a movie called Anaconda, but it becomes much too focused on the snake in the second half of the film. If the goal is to be a straight-up comedy, then everything up to and including the snake attacks should be serving that objective. But most of the time the attacks are either random or moments when the characters are already scared, and so any humor that could be mined all but disappears.

Black and Rudd are comedy all-stars who can typically be counted on to elevate even subpar material. That’s not the case here, as each only scores on a few occasions, with Black’s physicality being the funniest thing in the movie. Newton is not a good fit with this type of movie, and she isn’t done any favors by some seriously bad wigs. Zahn used to be the go-to guy for funny sidekicks, but he brings little to the table in this role.

Any attempt at rebooting/remaking an old piece of IP should make a concerted effort to differentiate itself from the original, and in that way, the new Anaconda succeeds. Unfortunately, that’s its only success, as the filmmakers can never find the right balance to turn it into the bawdy comedy they seemed to want.

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Anaconda is now playing in theaters.

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