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Ken Hoffman meets the tattooed, tough HGTV star who demolishes home sellers in advance of his Houston visit

no average joe

Photo courtesy of HGTV

Recently, I was in for my semi-annual teeth cleaning (Editor’s note: About time, Ken.) and nitrous oxide session when the dental hygienist leaned me back in the barber’s chair and asked if I’d like to watch the TV mounted on the ceiling.

I asked, “What channel do most people ask for?” She said, “HGTV by far, and that includes men and women.”

Okay, while you’re doing demo in my mouth, let me watch David and Hilary Love It or List It.

That was the first question I asked Joe Mazza, star of Home Inspector Joe, a new hit show on HGTV that follows Mazza conducting full cavity searches on houses for prospective buyers.

Mazza is a fast-talking, wise-cracking, tattooed-up, motorcycle-riding, hip New Yorker who searches high and low for hidden problems in a house. It’s fun entertainment watching him tear apart a house discovering structural flaws and safety issues. I’m sympathy sweating for the homeowner who’s praying, please don’t look in the attic.

Mazza will be the star attraction this weekend at the Houston Home + Garden Show at NRG Center. He will appear on the Fresh Ideas Stage at 6 pm Friday September 16 and 11 am and 2 pm Saturday, September 17. Mazza will offer tips and ideas how to make your house more attractive to potential buyers, plus demonstrate DIY tricks of his trade and conduct a live Q&A with the audience.

The Home + Garden Show runs through Sunday. Tickets are available online.

I caught up with Mazza in advance of his big appearance.

CultureMap: Before HGTV gave you a show and made you a TV star, you inspected homes and worked in construction for 20 years as just regular ol’ Joe Mazza. Did you have any idea how popular HGTV was?

Joe Mazza: It’s massive. It’s wild. Every office you go into, everyone I talk to says “it’s on my TV all the time.” Guys will tell me, “yeah, my wife is always watching it.” I’ll ask them, “and you don’t?” They’ll say, “well, yeah.” I’m super honored to be in the position I’m in now. It’s ridiculous, I can’t even explain it to you.

CM: HGTV must have a zillion shows pitched to them every year. How did Home Inspector Joe get their attention?

JM: They found me through Instagram, through social media. USA Today saw me in 2019 and said, “Hey, Joe, you want to do a video for us about first time home buyers? Whoa, that’s crazy, so I did it. The word got out. HGTV saw me. They contacted me and said there was an opportunity for me to possibly have my own show. Fast forward, here I am. It was all through social media. It was me being me, just doing home inspections. I have fun doing what I love and we go from there.

CM: There are thousands of professional home inspectors around the country. What was it about you that caught HGTV’s interest?

JM: My personality was a massive factor how I got the show. I watch all those videos about home inspection on social media and they’re very educational, but they’re very boring. You have to have fun with what you’re doing, even in bad moments. You can joke about things, say asbestos, but be very serious at the same time. It’s all about engaging your audience.

CM: Do people understand the role a home inspector plays in the home buying process? Who do you work for, the buyer or the seller?

JM: I work for the buyer 99 percent of the time. The real estate agent will refer me to the buyer or the buyer will hear about me through word of mouth. I work for the person who’s paying me and that’s typically the buyer. No one stands in my way, no one tells me how to do my job or what to put in my report.

CM: Are home sellers scared of you?

JM: Now they are, but not every one of them. I was at a house recently and the real estate agent and the seller were there. They saw me and went, “oh, crap.” To me that was flattering.

CM: How thorough is a home inspection?

JM: Certain things we can and can’t do. If a place is inaccessible, we don’t have to go in there. If we can’t get on a roof, we don’t have to struggle to get on the roof. What separates me from others, that roof that I can’t get on, I will find a way to get on it. You have to dig deep.

What keeps me out of trouble is, I make sure I’m on point 100 percent of the time. I inspect every house as if my wife and daughter are moving into it. If you go into an inspection with that mentality, you’re going to kick butt.

CM: How sneaky are homeowners at hiding flaws or potential deal breakers in their house?

JM: Very, very. I love it when they try, because I’m going to catch them. If I go through a basement and it’s freshly painted, that’s a red flag right there. “You just painted the basement. Why?” I start digging deeper, not just inside the basement, but outside to see what’s going on. A lot of problems in the basement start on the outside.

I’ll see if they put boxes or furniture in front of a moldy wall. They’ll say, “where else am I supposed to put the furniture?”

CM: What’s the most disgusting thing you’ve found during a home inspection?

JM: I had an inspection close to my house. I was in the crawl space and as I walking around the floor was crunching. I looked down and the floor was covered with teeth. There were thousands of teeth down there. It was gross and terrifying.

Was I going to find hundreds of bodies in the backyard? It turned out the guy was a tooth manufacturer and threw teeth in there a hundred years ago. No one warned me about that. The grossest thing, besides dead animals, people leave stuff out in the open — inappropriate personal stuff. I just keep working around it.

CM: Ever hired to inspect a house occupied by a hoarder?

JM: I’ve done a couple of houses where they were hoarders with wall-to-wall stuff. Usually I’ll just turn around and walk out. There’s nothing I can do.

I will tell the real estate agent that the house is a fire hazard and you’re putting people in jeopardy. If the house is just dirty, yeah, whatever, that’s fine. I’m okay if they have a lot of junk around. But a hoarder’s house, like on that TV show, that’s disgusting.

I had a house that had 15 cats and like 12 dogs. They didn’t clean anything ever. I walked in and the hit of ammonia slammed me to heaven. I got dizzy and started gagging. I went outside and the owner wanted to know what was wrong. She was scratching her arms. I told her, “for one, your arms are bleeding. Your animals are crapping and peeing all over your house. The house needs to be condemned.”

I told the buyer to get the hell away from this house.

-----

Joe Mazza appears at the Houston Home and Garden Show at 6 pm Friday September 16 and 11 am and 2 pm Saturday September 17 at NRG Park. Show runs through Sunday, September 18. For tickets, full schedule, and more information, visit the official site.

Marco Verch Professional Photographer/Flickr Pro

Ken Hoffman joins the shrinking list of Americans choosing COVID boosters

getting the jab

Last week, the FDA and CDC approved another COVID booster shot, this one specifically targeting those pesky Omicron variants. Reports said the shots would be available "sometime next week, after Labor Day."

In Houston, the shots are here now. I got mine on Saturday, September 3. If you're inclined to get the jab, visit the website of a major pharmacy chain or supermarket or health facility. Put in your ZIP code and see if there's a place near you that has the shots.

Make an appointment. Roll up sleeve. Done.

My local pharmacy didn't have the vaccine, and suggested I come back midweek. But I found one about 10 miles toward downtown that had it. My friend Oreste and I made appointments and the whole process — laptop to Band-Aid — took less than an hour.

My vaccine card now has writing on both sides — kinda like my monthly statement from GrubHub.

Oreste and I made a bet on the way over: How many doses of the new vaccine were given at our place? Loser had to buy Chick-fil-A on the way back. Oreste set the over/under at six. I took the over.

Answer at pharmacy: "You guys are numbers 16 and 17 today." Food always tastes better when somebody else pays. (Also, it's a safe bet that Oreste and I may have a gambling issue.)

To vax or not to vax?
I hear the arguments of doubters and anti-vaxxers:

What's next, are we supposed to get a COVID shot every year now? The pandemic is pretty much over.

The vaccine doesn't work anyhow, people are still getting COVID.

Besides, you don't need to prove you're vaccinated to get into restaurants or visit foreign countries or go back to work anymore.

If we have to get a COVID shot every year, no problem here. And, I believe the vaccine does work. It doesn't promise to keep you 100-percent safe from catching COVID, although it does offer some protection. The vaccine's benefit: If you do catch COVID, with rare exceptions, it will keep you out of the hospital and above ground.

That’s good enough for me. I’ll take it.

A good shot
This was my fifth COVID shot, and I'm afraid of needles. I also have trouble swallowing pills, but that’s another story. Both Moderna and Pfizer have made the new vaccine available. I went with Team Moderna, a 50-microgram booster that targets the SARS-CoV-2 strain, plus Omicron BA. 4 and BA.5.

I have no idea what that means. But, I trust doctors and medicine and science.

I know this, I’m fully vaxxed-plus-plus-plus and I haven't caught COVID — not yet anyway. Both the Moderna and Pfizer vaccines contain no preservatives, no antibiotics, no tissues from aborted fetuses or any animal material from any animals, no metals or food proteins, and no latex. No BS.

Not much of a boost
I realize that I'm in an ever-decreasing minority of COVID vaccine believers: 79 percent of Americans (262 million people) received at least one dose, 67 percent (224 million) are considered fully vaccinated (two doses), but only 33 percent (108 million) have gotten a booster.

Texas is behind the national average with 74.4 percent getting at least one dose, 61 percent fully vaccinated, and 23 percent getting at least one booster.

The government has ordered 170 million doses of the new vaccine that targets Omicron variants. I'll take the under.

So far, the 809 million doses of COVID vaccine have been distributed, with 75 percent (610 million) finding their way into people's arms.

Five of them in mine.

Photo by Ezume Images/Getty Images

Ken Hoffman hams it up with the greatest breakfast sandwich no one's heard of — outside New Jersey

he's on a roll

Over the course of my career as Houston’s leading discount restaurant critic, more than 1,000 fast food burger and pizza reviews, I never critiqued a sandwich that wasn’t available at every street corner drive-thru.

Let alone a sandwich that I had to assemble and cook in my professional test kitchen at home. But, here we are.

A friend visited New Jersey recently on vacation, came back and asked me, “Have you ever had a Taylor Ham breakfast sandwich? Everybody I met in New Jersey raved about them.”

Ever had one? I grew up in New Jersey — I practically lived on them.

But here we are … in Houston, where nobody knows about Taylor Ham breakfast sandwiches. In fact, once you escape the borders of New Jersey, Taylor Ham is pretty much unknown. Poor every other state.

The story behind the sandwich
Taylor Ham breakfast sandwiches are to New Jersey people what McMuffins are to the rest of the sadly deprived country. There’s just something about two slices of Taylor Ham, eggs, and cheese on a Kaiser roll that makes breakfast the most important meal of the day. (At least the most delicious.) It became the Official State Sandwich of New Jersey in 2016,

What is Taylor Ham? It’s processed pork flavored with spices, sweet-smoked and formed into a salami-style log, which Jersey people call a chub.
There’s an episode of MTV’s Jersey Shore where Snooki and The Situation get into an argument. Snooki calls it “Taylor Ham,” while The Situation says “Taylor Pork Roll.” It won’t remind you of Plato debating Socrates at the Lyceum in ancient Greece. (Or even Beavis and Butt-head.)

Even famed director Kevin Smith weighed in:

Taylor Ham (I’m with Snooki) was invented in 1856 by state senator John Taylor. He introduced it as Taylor’s Prepared Ham. However, Taylor had to rebrand his product because it didn’t qualify as ham after passage of the Pure Food and Drug Act of 1906. Your tax dollars at work.

The new name: John Taylor’s Pork Roll. However, spunky north Jersey people continue to call it Taylor Ham. The rest of the state adapted to the new name. That’s how you can tell if somebody is from north or south Jersey – if they call it Taylor Ham or Pork Roll. You could just ask where they’re from, too.

Taylor today
Today, Taylor Ham breakfast sandwiches are sold by the millions in every New Jersey diner, greasy spoon and bagel shop. I used to get some from a guy cooking them on the street in front of the Prudential Building in Newark.

It’s startling how a food item can be so dominant in one state and practically nobody’s heard of it anywhere else. It’s like New Jersey says, “We’ll share Bruce Springsteen and Frank Sinatra and Mike Trout with the world, but our Taylor Ham sandwiches ain’t going nowhere.”

So when I was asked, “Have you ever had a Taylor Ham breakfast sandwich?” – that pushed my obsessive button. I had to have one again.

Hoffman hams it up
Of course, I tried our local supermarkets first. A couple say on their website that they carry Taylor Ham, but good luck. “It’s at our deli counter,” I was told. Nope, it’s not.

I gave up fast — it’s my thing. I am told that if you look hard enough, you can find it in Houston. The supermarket will deliver it to your house, if they have it, or when they get it in. If you know a restaurant here that makes Taylor Ham sandwiches, let me know.

It’s easier and less gas just to order Taylor Ham online from Jersey food distributors, like American Butcher Store or Jersey Pork Roll. You can get a 1-pound chub for $10.99, a box of four 6-ounce pre-sliced packs for $17.59, or a 3-pound chub for $31.99 plus shipping. I promise: You will love this sandwich.

I followed the blueprint at home: Taylor Ham, eggs, cheese, butter, salt and pepper, and a roll. I couldn’t find a Kaiser roll so I subbed a brioche bun. I may be onto something there. (Editor’s note: Oh yeah? At what point do we alert Eric Sandler?)

I threw two slices of Taylor Ham into a frying pan, making small cuts around the edges so they wouldn’t curl up like pepperoni on a pizza. I made the eggs over-easy (personal choice). I buttered the brioche bun and toasted it. Because there are no mystery, proprietary, or unavailable ingredients, you can make a Taylor Ham sandwich at home to exact New Jersey specs and it will taste identical.

My ex-pat Taylor Ham breakfast sandwich was perfect, as delicious as any diner down the Jersey Shore where you take a napkin and wipe the silverware before you eat.

Nostalgia is expensive, but still cheaper than a ticket to Newark Airport.

Behold the Offical State Sandwich of New Jersey.

Taylor ham breakfast sandwich New kersey
Photo by Ezume Images/Getty Images
Behold the Offical State Sandwich of New Jersey.
Photo by Getty Images

Ken Hoffman's safety tips for Houston women as they're the new trending targets

play it safe, ladies

Two women from my West University neighborhood were mugged last week — one in a nearby strip center, the other in the driveway of her home (that’s extra scary). Naturally, local social media erupted in a frenzy. The comments I saw included:

“Women need to carry mace in their purse.”

“Crime is out of control.”

“I remember when it was safe in Houston.”

”It’s time for everybody to carry a gun.”

I am not going to carry a gun or keep mace in a purse, not even a men’s European carryall. I assume that anybody who might attack me is carrying a gun, and the last thing I want to do is create a situation where they’ll use it. I’m not exactly a deadeye sharpshooter in the Wild West Show at Disney World.

It’s probably impossible to completely eliminate the chances that you’ll be attacked, but here’s some advice on how to diminish the nightmare aftershocks of a mugging – getting a replacement driver’s license, new health care ID cards, changing the locks on your house, canceling credit cards, lost cash, the psychological fear and memory of the attack, etc.

Ken’s tips on how to play it safe in Houston
First, there’s no need for you to carry a purse or wallet into a supermarket or store. Lock them in the trunk of your car, or leave them at home. All you need is one credit card.

If someone robs you in a the parking lot, all they’ll get is the credit card and whatever you just bought, maybe that pair of shoes or your bag of groceries. You can replace Jimmy Choos and lamb chops. You can’t replace old personal photos in your wallet or expensive heirloom jewelry. Don’t keep anything of value on your person. It’s like Rodney Dangerfield said, “If somebody picks my pocket, there are two disappointed people.” Make it not worth the mugger’s time.

By the time the strip center victim returned home, less than 20 minutes later, the thief already had used her credit cards to “spend” $800 at two supermarkets and $1,000 at a department store. Most credit cards won’t hold you liable for charges made by a mugger, but it shows how these criminals know what they’re doing, and how fast they do it.

Ditch the purse, watch your cash, and about that security guard...
I talked with the police officers who responded to the strip center incident. They said that attacks and purse snatchings are on the rise. The muggers usually target women because they’re smaller and carry more valuables in their purse than men have in their wallet. The officers advised not to resist attackers or fight back. It’s not worth the risk of physical harm. Muggers are more experienced on offense than you are on defense.

They also said that if you withdraw money from an ATM, drive around the block three or four times and take notice if anybody’s following you. If you think you’re being trailed, call 911 and drive to a police station.

I also talked to the security guard who patrols that strip center in a golf cart. He was very open. “I make $10 an hour and I don’t have a gun. I'm not the police.”

Simple advice, try to park in a busy, safe area during the day and be aware of your surroundings. Stay off your phone when you’re walking in public. If you don’t feel safe, get out of there.

Protection at the pump
Another place where you should be extra vigilant is the service station, where muggers take advantage of drivers, again mostly women, who are distracted and not paying attention to the car using the adjacent pump.

The trend now: Someone will enter the woman’s car from the passenger side, steal her purse, and speed away. The mugger is gone before the woman gets back in her car and notices her purse is gone.

Ken goes to bat on CNN
True story: crime was just as big an issue in Houston several years ago as it is now. Gun sales spiked in certain neighborhoods. A Houston TV station did a story about the buying spree for firearms for personal protection.

I wrong a column saying I wasn’t going to buy a gun. Instead, I keep a Louisville Slugger bat under my bed. I don’t know how accurate my aim would be with a gun, but I play softball and I’m a pretty good contact hitter. All things considered, I stood a better chance with a bat against a burglar.

A few days later, CNN was in Houston doing a crime story. A producer called me and asked, “Do you really keep a bat under your bed?”

Yes, I do.

“Would you be OK if we came to your house and interviewed you?”

Yes, you can.

A CNN news van pulled up in front of my house. The late Headline News anchor Bob Losure and I sat in my living room. The interview went something like:

“Why aren’t you buying a gun like so many of your neighbors?” I can understand why others want a gun in their house, but it’s not for me. I’ve never touched a gun. It’s a personal decision.

“Do you really keep a baseball bat under your bed?” Yes, I do.

“What kind of bat is it?” It’s a 32-inch Sammy Sosa bat.

“Do you think that’s an effective way to protect yourself?” For me, yes.

“Will you show us the bat?” Sure, follow me.

We went upstairs: the CNN anchor, a camera person, and me.

“Will you take a few swings for us?” I remember I swung lefty to avoid a lamp on the side of my bed. Plus lefty swings look better.

“One last question: Will you get in bed under the blankets and pretend that you hear a burglar and pull out the bat?”

Okay, CNN and Bob: We’re done here.

Photo courtesy of the Lance McCullers, Jr. Foundation

Ken Hoffman on why a Houston Astros pivotal star's most heroic work is off the field

the hero we need

Saturday, August 13 marked the successful, long-awaited, faith-restored return of a real-life Houston hero — who happens to pitch for the Houston Astros.

Lance McCullers Jr. threw a baseball in earnest for the first time since Game 4 of last year’s American League Divisional Series. He was sidelined for 305 days with a right flexor pronator strain (a body part I never knew existed. If you can’t pull it out with a tweezer in the game Operation, it’s not part of the human anatomy.)

It took him that long, forever in baseball terms, to return to the Astros and Minute Maid Park. How’d he do?

He struck out five, allowed only two hits over six innings, received three standing ovations from 34,000 fans, and got the W in the Astros 8-0 victory over the (for some odd reason) pesky Oakland A’s on Hall of Fame Weekend.

“I was a little bit anxious before the game,” McCullers said after his win. “Everybody’s been so supportive and really have helped me get back to this point. I’m talking about the guys in the clubhouse and they were all excited for me to be back today.”

Lance back = best news for the future
With Jake Odorizzi gone and the possibility that Justin Verlander (who loves him some Nancy’s Hustle burgers) may leave after this season, McCullers’ return was good news for the Astros’ drive to the World Series this year, and the next, and the next.

He’s already carved into Houston legend for the time he threw 24 straight curveballs against the Yankees to propel the Astros to the World Series in 2017. Watch that insane performance here:

And, McCullers was the starting pitcher against the Dodgers in Game 7 of the 2017 World Series when the Astros won their first and only championship. As Yahoo Sports pointed out, McCullers completely owned the boys in pinstripes.

But that’s not why he’s a hero in my book.

More than a sports hero
McCullers and his wife Kara are animal lovers and they’ve put their passion into relentless action. The Lance McCullers Jr. Foundation supports local pet organizations like Houston Pets Alive and Rescued Pet Movement. The foundation’s goal is to promote pet adoption and fostering, raise awareness and donations for animal shelters and continue the journey to make Houston a no-kill community. The motto is “Protecting Pets, Creating Families.”

“Since partnering with the Lance McCullers Jr. Foundation, thousands of pets are being saved each month that otherwise didn’t have a chance. Thousands of homeless dogs and cats’ lives have been saved,” Rescued Pet Movement notes. “To date, because of LMJF, almost 60,000 homeless dogs and cats’ lives have been saved.”

McCullers didn’t just attach his name to the foundation and step back. As we frequently cover here, he personally shows up to help locals in need: whether it’s handing out Thanksgiving turkeys or supplying 10,000 meals to the Houston Food Bank during the pandemic. “This city has embraced me and my family,” he told us in 2019, “everywhere we go, people couldn’t be more gracious to us.”

No big surprise that he handles his foundation the same way—he hosts events, advocates tirelessly for animals, and gets his hands dirty supporting efforts to save pets lives. To donate or volunteer to his organization, visit the How to Help section on the official site.

The Lance McCullers Jr. Foundation is a donor-advised fund at Athletes and Causes, a nonprofit with federal tax exempt status and a public charity.

Here’s the cherry on top why I love and support his foundation. He reminds people that 75-percent of dogs available for adoption in shelters are mixed breeds. I got one of those sitting next to me right now.

Mixed-up makes the best pup
I’ll show you how mixed breed my dog Sally is. When I adopted Sally, she was eight months old, 26 pounds and the card on her cage said “Schnauzer.”

One year later, Sally was 75 pounds and definitely not a Schnauzer. I sent away for a Canine DNA analysis kit. The company said it would use MDRI and EIC screening tp determine what breed was dominant (Level 1) in my dog, plus whatever else was in her DNA gumbo (Levels 2 through 4).

A week later, I received the results. Under Level 1, what Sally supposedly, mostly is, the analysis said “not present.” She wasn’t more of any one breed than any other. Level 2 listed Collie and soft-coast Wheaten Terrier. Level 3 was “not present.” Level 4 was Maltese and Poodle. The whole report simply should have said: “Congratulations, you have a mutt. Your dog is whatever you want it to be.”

Sally takes mixed breed to whole ’nother level. She’s the best.

McCullers has always been hands-on with dogs.

Lance McCullers, Jr. Foundation dogs
Photo courtesy of the Lance McCullers, Jr. Foundation
McCullers has always been hands-on with dogs.
LittleLeague.org

Ken Hoffman reveals the ultimate insider guide to the Little League World Series — and how he fired The Boss

big little league

Sure, it’s impressive that the Houston Astros have made four World Series appearances in recent years, but they’re not alone. There’s another baseball team around here that’s also headed to its fourth World Series since 2010.

Pearland defeated Oklahoma, 9-4, on Tuesday, August 9 to win the Southwest Regional and qualify for the Little League World Series starting August 17 in South Williamsport, Pennsylvania. That was the game, as we covered here, that included a moment that went viral for all the right reasons.

Most fans and media say the Little League World Series is held in Williamsport, but it’s South Williamsport, just a five-minute stroll across a bridge over the Susquehanna River in north central Pennsylvania.

Pearland is on a torrid 13-game winning streak that swept through district, sectional, state and regional tournaments to earn the Little League World Series bid.

Here’s how difficult the road to the Little League World Series is. There are 15 teams in MLB’s American League. If the Astros finish with one of the two best records, they’ll have to win two playoff series to play in the World Series.

Nothing little about this league
Little League is a little bigger than MLB. Little League is the largest youth sports organization in the world, with 2.5 million kids playing for 180,000 teams in more than 100 countries on six continents.

Pearland, representing East Texas, had to defeat All-Star teams from West Texas, Oklahoma, Mississippi, Louisiana, New Mexico, Arkansas, and Colorado to win the Southwest Regional. The Little League World Series will host 20 teams - 10 from the U.S. and 10 from international regions.

If you have children that play Little League, or you’re just a fan, attending the Little League World Series should be high on your baseball bucket list.

I covered the Little League World Series in 2010 when Pearland made its first appearance and made it all the way to the U.S. championship game. It may have been my most fun assignment ever.

The Little League World Series is played by 11 and 12-year-olds in Little League’s major division. When ESPN and ABC air these games, they’ll present the players as innocent little kids, like Beaver and Wally or Tom and Huck. They’ll show the kids playing Simon Says with the Little League mascot called Dugout. They’ll ask the kids who’s their favorite big leaguer.

I was a Little League coach. I followed Little League All-Stars across Texas all the way to South Williamsport. These kids are absolute baseball maniacs with $400 gloves, $500 bats, and Oakley sunglasses. I thought the Astros might call and ask where they got their super-neat equipment.

Especially in Texas, these kids are built tough with long ball power and play year-round travel baseball with high-priced private coaches. This isn’t a choose-up game in the park where kids play in their school clothes, one kid brings a baseball and the players share bats. I looked at some of the Little Leaguers and wondered if they drove to the stadium.

I half-expected, when ABC asked who their baseball idol was, they’d answer “me!”

Major-league kids
Here’s how seriously good these kids can play the game. Justin Verlander throws a 97-mph fastball. That’s pretty fast. It’s not rare anymore for a Little League pitcher to reach 70 mph on a fastball. The Little League mound is 46 feet from home plate. A 70-mph pitch in Little League gets to home plate in the same time as a 91-mph pitch from 60 feet 6 inches in MLB.

In 2015, a pitcher named Alex Edmonson fired an 83-mph heater at the Little League World Series. The reaction time a Little League batter had against Alex’s pitch was equal to a Major Leaguer trying to hit a 108-mph fastball. Good luck with that. Alex pitched a no-hitter and struck out 15 batters in six innings at the Little League World Series. Now 20, Alex is a relief pitcher for Clemson.

The Little League World Series is a trip. The easiest way to get there is to fly into Philadelphia and drive to South Williamsport. I sat next to CC Sebathia’s mother on the plane.

Admission to all Little League World Series games is free and snack bar prices are reasonable. A hot dog is $3. Alcohol and smoking are prohibited.

The first Little League World Series was held in 1947. Only 58 players have played in the Little League World Series and later played in MLB. The most famous are Cody Bellinger and Jason Varitek. Only two players from the Houston area made the leap: Brady Rodgers and Randal Grichuk both played on the 2003 team from Richmond, about 30 miles from Houston in Fort Bend County.

When in South Williamsport...
While you’re in South Williamsport, you should visit the Little League museum and Hall of Excellence. Among the inductees: Presidents Joe Biden and George W. Bush, Astros manager Dusty Baker, Kevin Costner, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Dick Vitale, Rob Manfred and someone who’d later play stadiums in a different way, Bruce Springsteen.

Ken fires The Boss
Speaking of Springsteen, I shattered a record at the 2010 Little League World Series. The record — literally — was Springsteen’s “Born in the U.S.A”. I was talking to a Little League executive while teams were warming up on the field. “Born in the U.S.A.” came over the stadium loudspeakers.

I told the executive, I’m a big fan, but maybe this isn’t the best song you should be playing.

The executive asked, why not?

Well, you might want to listen to the words. “Born in the U.S.A.” is a depressing song about a U.S. soldier who is sent to Vietnam and can’t find a job when he gets back home. It’s not exactly “Yankee Doodle Dandy.” You have teams from Asia here (Japan won the tournament that year).

The executive said, please tell me you’re kidding.

I wasn’t. Here’s one verse:

Got in a little hometown jam

So they put a rifle in my hand

Sent me off to a foreign land

To go and kill the (what is now considered a serious slur for Asians)

Later, I got an email from the president of Little League International.

“Quite honestly, I’ve never listened closely to the words of ‘Born in the USA.’ I see clearly how it is offensive to our Little League friends from Asian nations. I have directed our folks who coordinate the stadium music to discontinue playing it in the future.”

My advice: Play “Centerfield” by John Fogerty instead. The message of that song is, “put me in coach.” Little League couldn’t say it any better.

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Beyoncé brings dazzling Renaissance Tour to big screens with new concert film

big-screen bey

“The goal for this tour was to create a place where everyone is free ...and no one is judged.”

So declares Queen Bey in a just-released trailer for RENAISSANCE: A FILM BY BEYONCÉ, a new documentary and concert film coming to major movie theaters on Friday, December 1 across the U.S., Canada, and Mexico. The new film chronicles Houston-born Beyoncé's journey from concept to performance as she treks across the globe in her worldwide, 56-performance, 39-city Renaissance tour.

Houstonians are still buzzing from the two-day H-Town homecoming (read our review here) that near-capacity crowds pack NRG Stadium for the often breathtaking, three-hour shows that featured a cameo by fellow Houston-born superstar Megan Thee Stallion.

Tickets for the concert film — a joint production between Parkwood Entertainment and AMC Entertainment — are on sale now at amctheatres.com and Fandango.com. Fans can also find tickets at Cinemark, Regal, Cinepolis and Cineplex, all of which will screen the movie. Tickets will also be available at numerous movie theatre circuits in the U.S., Canada, and Mexico later this week, according to an announcement. Admission for all standard showtimes will start at $22, plus tax.

RENAISSANCE: A FILM BY BEYONCÉ is a must for any Beyhive member — as well as those who want to reminisce attending the epic shows, or those who missed her tour stops. The big-screen treatment is fitting: short of seeing the shows live, there is no better way to take in the Renaissance tour's dazzling effects, lasers, and pyrotechnics, mind-bending visuals on huge screens, unforgettable costumes (A.I.!), Megan's surprise, and of course, Queen Bey riding through the air atop a glittering Reneigh, her trusty, mirrorball, shimmering steed.

Fans can look forward to multiple showtimes daily on Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays, for a minimum of four weeks, according to press materials.RENAISSANCE will also be available in IMAX (the ideal viewing) at AMC and Dolby Cinema at AMC, and other branded premium large format screens.

Kicking off atthe opening show in Stockholm, Sweden and documenting each stop to the grand finale in Kansas City, Missouri, the film captures rarely seen, behind-the-scenes moments of a Beyoncé tirelessly working and preparing and sharing tender moments with her children and family.

Meant to further articulate her “everyone is free/no one is judged” mantra, scenes will depict the more than 2.7 million fans from around the world who dressed in silver and shiny outfits, took part in her Joy Parade, and nailed the Mute Challenge at each show.

Call us biased, but we can't wait for the up-close Megan scenes and backstage action before and after she shocked NRG Stadium — and all of Beyoncé's Houston moments as the queen returned to the kingdom where it all started.

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Find RENAISSANCE: A FILM BY BEYONCÉ tickets at at amctheatres.com and Fandango.com.


J.J. Watt, wife Kealia, and his family and friends ring it in at Ben Berg's swanky supper club

turned up for watt

Houston celebrated J.J. Watt’s triumphant homecoming this past weekend, as No. 99 was fittingly inducted into the Houston Texans Ring of Honor during the team’s 30-6 win Sunday, October 1 over the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Watt donned the Texans red jacket during halftime, officially joining the late Houston Texans founder/owner/CEO Robert “Bob” McNair and NFL Hall of Fame nominee (and Watt’s former teammate) Andre Johnson.

“It feels like you’re at a family reunion and it feels like I’m back with all my family in a place that feels like home and I’m just loving it,” Watt told the packed NRG Stadium. “The fans have been great, the McNairs have been great, the whole organization has been really, really great and I'm just thankful to have my whole family here. My wife and my son are here, my parents are here, my brothers are here. It’s my mom’s birthday so it all kind of culminates into a great day today.”

Texans Chairman and CEO Cal McNair placed the jacket on Watt’s mountainous shoulders as Johnson, Watt’s family, and nearly 90 former Texans players cheered him on for his induction. Adding to the memorable day, Watt’s brother T.J., currently on track to be 2023’s NFL Defensive Player of the Year at very least, served as the Steelers opposite our Justin James as coin toss team captain.

The Watts and crew ring it in

While Houston showed up and out for Watt, where did No. 99 celebrate? He and his family and friends opted for Ben Berg’s famed, swanky speakeasy supper club, Turner’s.

The Berg connection comes from Watt’s retirement announcement dinner last year, where he and some close friends and teammates celebrated at B&B Butchers. “So the Texans reached out to us and asked if we could do a dinner at Turner’s for J.J. and his family,” Berg explains to CultureMap.

Watt posted photos on Instagram with his lovely wife Kealia sitting in his lap, he and his brothers Derek and T.J., mom Connie and dad John, and their close friends at Turner’s, which Berg closed for the private celebration.

“It’s a big honor,” Berg notes. “You know, when you create these spaces, the goal is to be a memorable part of people’s lives. And so the fact that we were chosen for him to celebrate with his family, loved ones, and his closest friends — for such a huge accomplishment and huge honor — was a big responsibility.”

What’s J.J. eating?

For the big bash, Berg and company crafted a special — and beefy — steak-stacked menu, with special treats for Connie, who was celebrating her birthday — and her son’s big day. While Berg and the staff didn’t create specific themed items — like, say, the Onion Rings of Honor that Trill Burgers fried up for the weekend — “we made sure we brought over some of his favorite dishes from B&B,” says Berg.

Those dishes included the A5 Japanese Wagyu Katsu Sando, the always popular Carpet Bagger on the Half Shell, Chef Tommy’s Bacon slabs (served with blue cheese and truffle-infused honey), and more of No. 99’s favorites. Other items included buttermilk fried quail, Maine lobster gnocchi, and a feast of sides like mac and cheese casserole. Sweet finishes included a signature triple chocolate layer cake, a walnut caramel tart, and the Berry Butter Cake from B&B.

Though we’d have imagined tearing up a Porterhouse or massive ribeye, Berg reports that Watt ordered the Wagyu Filet Rossini (decadently dressed up with foie gras and spinach truffle jus) and the IYKYK classic Turner’s Wedge salad.

Speaking of orders, partiers ordered up some song requests from Turner’s resident vocalist and pianist Thomas Cokinos, who’s always on fire at the supper club, but really turned up for Watt. No. 99, an ol’ softie, requested Beatles classic “Here Comes the Sun” for Kealia (also writing “I love you” on the ticket — well played, J.J.), while others opted for tracks by country stars Zack Brown and Morgan Wallen.

Derek Watt requested Lil’ John’s “Get Low” with a shout out to his two brothers, leaving us disappointed that nobody asked for “99 Problems” in honor of J.J. (Next time, gents).

Ryan Reynolds + J.J. = goals

J.J. Watt Turner's Houston songs family friendsHey J.J., something you wanna share with the rest of us? Photo by Thomas Cokinos

Our favorite shout out? One “Ryan Reynolds” requested the bro singalong classic “You’ve Lost that Lovin’ Feeling” by the Righteous Brothers. Watt fans will recall that he buddied up with the handsome Canadian actor and soccer fan and backer when he and Kealia announced their investment in UK football side Burnley FC. (Kealia also seems to be a big fan of Reynolds, as we reported in May).

Berg made sure to let Watt and Co. enjoy themselves until late, but also made sure to stop by and greet his VIP guests. “I wanted to say hello and thank you; it was really an intimate affair for him, his family, his brothers, and really close friends,” says Berg.

“J.J. is just a super nice guy and just super down to earth,” Berg adds. “And, you know, he’s really big.”









J.J. Watt Kealia Watt Turner's Houston

J.J. Watt/Instagram

Hometown hero J.J. Watt and his wife Kealia pose at the Turner's party.

Familiar farmers market face goes wild with new dinner series at mystery Montrose venue

run wild

Houstonians will once again be able to enjoy Jane Wild’s food in air conditioned comfort. Best known for her time at Tomball’s Jane and John Dough bakery and The Dunlavy on Allen Parkway, the chef is launching a new dinner series to showcase her perspective on farm to table fare.

Titled Jane’s Dine Inn, the bi-monthly dinner series will supplement the sweet and savory baked goods Wild sells at farmers markets across the Houston. The intimate, five-course meals will be served to only 22 diners per night. Unlike outdoor markets, serving diners in a more traditional, restaurant-style setting allows Wild to serve a wider variety of dishes that meant to be eaten hot.

“Jane’s Dine Inn is a space for me to share another side of my story with food,” Wild said in a statement. “Where art has a narrative that celebrates the seasons. A place where I can honor localism in all its forms. To nurture the regeneration of connections, with each other and the land around us.”

It begins this Saturday, October 7 with a meal titled “Texas Autumn.” Wild’s menu includes pumpkin and tomato soup, apples and celery salad, roasted pork with peaches, and a persimmon shortcake.

Meals will take place at a local venue in Montrose that will only be revealed to ticket holders. They begin with pre-dinner snacks. From there, diners take their seats at communal tables ($190 per person or a complete group of six for $1,000) or at a kitchen table with a better view of the action ($225 per person). Each meal will mix both individually plated and family-style dishes. Add wine or non-alcoholic pairings for $60 per person.

Wild plans to hold similar dinners on October 21, November 4 and 18, and December 2 and 16. A monthly brunch pop-up will be announced in the future.

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