Trendysomething in SoMo
This season's key accessory: Babies are the new black
I recently became an uncle. And while in future years, this comes with the responsibilities of exposing my niece to high art, engraved flasks, etc., for the moment, this simply means the heavenly experience of holding a newborn. And I must say that the first time I held this beautiful child, I felt empowered with a level of unbridled confidence that I hadn't experienced since I was the first classmate to have a slap bracelet in the first grade.
In a word, it was a rush.
Between a recent spree of celebrity pregnancies and a presumed baby boom following the return of American soldiers from Iraq, one thing is clear: Babies are very now.
Underground art is a surefire indicator of an emerging trend. Take this past Sunday's "heyBABY: A Music and Art Experience" event at El Rincon Social, organized by artists John Zambrano and Julia Claire Wallace in celebration of their new baby. The event featured "vaginal and baby"-based visual art and performances by nearly 30 entrants, including local artist standards Emily Sloan, Joe Ortiz and a gig entitled EYESORE.
The event's Facebook invitation read: "DRINKING PROFITS the BABY so bring your cash and get WASTED!"
This isn't your mother's baby shower. Experimental genitalia-inspired art combined with uninhibited alcohol consumption is just another signal that, yes, the baby has arrived.
But what is one to do when the party's over and the truck bed filled with "blessed fluid" into which guests may be buried, submerged and reborn, drives away?
The answer is shopping. Before you can try to sneak your newborn into Grand Prize or sport it as an accessory at brunch at Brasil, you need to deck it out with the essentials: horn rimmed glasses, coonskin hat and those off-the-menu tiny cups of coffee from Starbucks all need to be acquired. You know you're a good parent when your kiddo can say "macchiato" before "mama."
If you're concerned about pumping your tot with caffeine, perhaps pour a splash of non-alcoholic Pabst into the sippy cup. Showing up to a SoMo house party with your baby chilling in a baby seat atop a fixed gear bike is really the only way to make an entrance these days, so you may want to differentiate yourself with matching Marc Jacobs onesies.
Wearing coordinating deep V-necks scoured at Buffalo Exchange is completely acceptable. Just be sure to buckle up — you don't want to risk your little one falling off the Montrose bridge and getting a scratch on its Wayfarers or vintage Walkman falling out of the fanny pack.
The baby as hipster affectation comes with its limitations: Getting a one-year-old tatted up might get stares in the line for organic tamales at Urban Harvest, and despite encouragement, it is at best challenging to induce your baby into growing a pencil mustache.
Do not fret: by the time this article is published, the baby will have become passé, albeit a relevant symbol for spotting those who are all too slow to catch a fading trend.