Name: Bentley, like Dierks Bentley (and the silly Rolls Royce).

Birthdate: October 6, 2017. I'm almost a year old, and you know what the traditional first birthday gift is ... dog biscuits.

Ethnicity: Over at Citizens for Animal Protection, they describe me as a "fraggle-looking Chihuahua mix." I'm not sure what that means, but I have a call into Bill Adler in case that's an insult. I'm a cute little guy by any description. I'm nearly 9 pounds of fun, good with children, and other gentle animals. I'm housebroken, fixed, and ready to blow this joint.

Come and get me: I'm available for adoption at 11 am Friday, August 9, at Citizens for Animal Protection (17555 Katy Freeway; 281-497-0591). Tell them, "Ken sent me."

Bentley's blathers: Papa John's Pizza has undergone a few cosmetic changes since Papa John Schnatter (founder) shot off his mouth in a volley of unparalleled stupidity and stepped back from the company. Schnatter's no longer featured in TV commercials, and his face is gone from advertising, concession stand signs, and pizza to-go boxes. Wouldn't surprise me if the company changes its name to just "Papa's." I'm serious.

Think how badly the Astros and Blue Jays wanted to unload their problem-child relievers. The Astros offered their MF-spewing lunatic for the Jays' accused domestic abuser ... and both sides said "let's do this!" The spewer already got lit up for 5 runs in less than an inning.

What do Post Oak Little League and the Astros have in common?
Big league congratulations to the Post Oak Little League team for winning the Southwest Regional, and now it's off to the grandest youth sports event in the world, the Little League World Series in South Williamsport, Pennsylvania. This is huge.

Fun fact: If Post Oak (Houston) wins the Little League World Series, it will be the first time one city has held both the Major League World Series title (Astros) and the Little League World Series title. New York came close in 1964 when Staten Island (home of the Impractical Jokers) won the Little League World Series, but the Yankees fell to St. Louis in the big boy World Series.

Anchor away (and back)
Here's the thing about TV breakups ... they don't always last. Wouldn't it be interesting if a long-running news anchor returned to the station that said "see ya" a couple of years ago? Hint, hint.

Calculating the GPS lady's looks
I've gotten to meet a lot of celebrities — there's only one left on my bucket list: the woman whose voice I hear on Google Maps. I've been driving back and forth between Houston and Austin a lot lately, and my constant companion is Miss GPS. She's so pleasant, never complains, and always gives me good advice. I'm guessing that she's blonde, about five feet, seven inches, and tan. She may be from California, majored in fine arts. (This is starting to sound like a Penthouse letter.) When I pull into my West U. driveway, she gives me a cheery "Welcome home." Nicest greeting I've ever gotten at that address.

Sunday is all about Sacha Baron Cohen
It's not for everybody, I know, but I look forward to Sunday nights because of Who Is America? on Showtime the same way I look forward to Sunday nights when Curb Your Enthusiasm is in season.

---

Dog lover? Ken Hoffman introduces you to an adorable pup available for adoption in Houston every Thursday.