and the oral of the story is...

Are those risque IKEA Swedes just too hot for Houston TV?

Remember the sexual spark IKEA ignited as a date spot in "(500) Days of Summer"?
The new IKEA Houston: Bigger IS better.
IKEA/Facebook
June 9: a day to be remembered in Houston prudery.

Are our town's TV airwaves not ready for risque furniture commercials? A few local networks banned IKEA's most recent TV ad promoting this week's grand reopening — as first reported by Channel 39.

Here's a look at the "controversial" commercial:

IKEA is encouraging shoppers to 69 in the bedroom, the kitchen, the office, the bathroom — or on the best date ever.

Are you thinking what we're thinking? Now that IKEA Houston officially reopened its redesigned store on June 9 (hence the 6-9 tie), we can really get down to business decorating our pads and cubicles with cheap mod furniture — all day, and all night.

The sexual overtones are there (that music!), but there's no reason for Houston TV execs to blush over the inherent connection between sleek Swedish lines and the sexual act. Who among us has not participated in simultaneous fellatio and/or cunnilingus late at night on an IKEA futon?

There's no shame in engaging in a little double trouble, as long as you can avoid getting kneed in the nose. Some may say the magic number can be too much to focus on, but it's great preparation for the unusual body contortions required to assemble IKEA furniture.

Is the notion of 69 simply too stimulating for Houston TV to take on? Ironically, it's the ultimate egalitarian sexual act, yet Houston networks are leaving IKEA feeling a little left out. The oral of the story: You can do whatever you'd like on your own MALM bed, but when it comes to public broadcasting, Houston prefers that you keep your Swedish meatballs to yourself.

Not surprisingly, this isn't the first time IKEA's sexed-up TV spots have been axed by networks. Here is a creative compilation, which includes a child playing with a vibrator:

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Thanks, Queen Bey

Pop icon Beyoncé donates $100,000 to University of Houston Law School

Photo by Erza Shaw Getty Images

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Pop megastar Beyoncé Knowles-Carter has donated $100,000 to the University of Houston Law Center Criminal Justice Clinic through her BeyGOOD Foundation. The gift will allow the clinic to hire fill-time faculty to head it, benefiting the students who study there.

“I am delighted that the BeyGOOD Foundation has made this very generous gift to the UH Law Center,” said Leonard Baynes, dean of the UH Law Center. “Not only will this funding help establish a full-time criminal justice clinic that provides pro bono legal services in our community, but it will also supercharge our already excellent criminal law and justice programming.”

The clinic is one of nine at UHLC. It helps students learn to navigate the criminal justice system, especially on behalf of clients that are underserved by skilled attorneys. People of color are affected disproportionately by a lack of good, ethical representation.

Beyoncé, the most decorated artist in Grammy history and easily the biggest musical star native to Houston, has a long history of advocating for criminal justice reform. She was a staunch supporter of the police reform following the deaths of Alton Sterling and Philando Castile, asking law enforcement to “stop killing us” in a web post. In 2020, she penned an open letter to the Kentucky attorney general asking for justice in the death of Breonna Taylor.

Through her BeyGOOD Foundation, established in 2013, Beyoncé has focused mostly on expanding the prospects of Black-owned business and offering education opportunities to students. Forwarding the cause of legal representation in Texas while also helping out marginalized communities compliments her other philanthropic work.

“At UH Law, we envision a legal profession where ‘everyone has the opportunity to prosper,’ as BeyGOOD envisions, and we will achieve this vision by providing access to strong and effective legal representation in criminal proceedings,” Baynes said. “And together, through this gift, the BeyGOOD Foundation and UHLC will shepherd the next generation of criminal justice attorneys in the city of Houston, the state of Texas and the nation.”