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    ken's in the dog house

    Ken Hoffman reveals the bitter truth about his infamous 4th of July hot dog judging disaster

    Ken Hoffman
    Jul 13, 2018 | 2:10 pm

    Now that the dust has settled from the great Hot Dog Contest Scandal of 2018, let's settle the score on Joey Chestnut's final count — 74 hot dogs and buns — and exactly what happened that caused judges to originally report the champ's total at 64 franks.

    I ought to know. I was one of Joey Chestnut's judges, stationed practically nose-to-nose with the legendary competitive eater during the carnivorous July 4 tradition. Only a narrow table piled high with hot dogs separated us. My role was to hold up the scorecard that would keep 50,000 people jammed into the corner of Surf and Stillwell in Coney Island, plus one million more watching on ESPN, informed of Chestnut's running total.

    There's no denying: my judging partner and I got it wrong. We screwed up. Big time. We short-changed Chestnut by 10 "HD&B" (hot dogs and buns) while his true count was 74, a new Major League Eating, Coney Island and world's record.

    Before ESPN signed off the telecast, the accurate total was announced. Chestnut was awarded the Mustard Yellow Belt signifying hot dog dominance and his arm was raised in victory.

    Math shaming
    That didn't prevent me from facing a week of math shaming, vilifying, and good-natured (some not so good-natured) ribbing.

    I was grilled on the "Elliot in the Morning" radio show in Washington, D.C. I’ve known host Elliot Segal since he started his career as an intern on John Lander’s Q-Morning Zoo show in Houston. I used to write trivia questions and bits for Lander, and we covered the crumbling of the Berlin Wall live from Germany together.

    I was interviewed on John Granato’s morning show on ESPN 97.5 FM in Houston. Granato mostly questioned my ability to count. For one day, Granato turned his sports talk show into Sesame Street. It was funny, and I had it coming. I was interviewed on another local station, live from Twin Peaks on Kirby. Didn’t know there was mandatory $5 valet parking at Twin Peaks after 3 pm. Seriously? Come on, it's a chicken wing joint.

    The highlight of my media blitz was an appearance on "Fink Beats the Stomach," a bi-weekly podcast dedicated to competitive eating, hosted by the “Fink Brothers” Mike Sullivan and James Splendore. (It's posted now, Google it to find a link.) Unlike the Granato show, these guys were more interested in what happened July 4th, less my arithmetic shortcomings. If you’re wondering about the podcast's name, "Fink Beats the Stomach" is an homage to the hot dog eating scene in Bill Murray's summer camp comedy Meatballs.

    I took bit of an unfair beating on Twitter from a former competitive eater who claimed I don’t pay attention during eating contests. Like the Billy Joel song, I am an innocent man. Even Chestnut backed me with a tweet saying absolutely, I pay attention. And I do. It's the most intense 10 minutes of my year. This was my 11th time judging the Coney Island contest, and I’m usually assigned the top eaters. I am the dean of counting hot dogs.

    In fact, I’ve now judged an unprecedented seven July 4th champions in a row. I counted Matt Stonie’s hot dogs in 2015 when he took the title from Chestnut. Some call it the greatest upset in sports history. I counted Chestnut’s dogs in 2016, 2017, and 2018, plus I counted women’s champ Miki Sudo’s dogs in 2016, 2017 and 2018. That’s a 7-peat that will be never duplicated in competitive eating judging. There was never a problem until the hullabaloo this year.

    What really happened
    You can’t count what you can’t see.

    Two people are assigned to “judge” each of the competitive eaters at the July 4 Super Bowl of Competitive Eating. Generally speaking, but especially when a contestant eats as fast and furiously as Chestnut, one person is the main counter, the other flips the scorecard numbers.

    I was the flipper this year. My partner was the counter. When we took our positions in front of Chestnut, we sensed that the judges’ platform was lower than in years past. The contest started with a mountain of 30 hot dogs on five plates stacked in front of Chestnut.

    I told my judging partner, when we get on the platform, put your elbows on the table, so nobody can squeeze in front of you. Two years ago, I had to peer over an ESPN person who weaseled his way in front of me.

    This time, the ESPN guy was behind me, holding a tablet keeping score of Chestnut's hot dogs. He asked me, each time I flipped the scorecard number, please turn around so he could relay the count to ESPN announcers on a stage about 50 feet away across the street. To my right, an ESPN camera person was jostling for position, leaning into me, tightening my space. Then there was Chestnut’s “coach” screaming at the top of his lungs into my ears, “You got this, Joe!” He made the drill instructor from Full Metal Jacket sound like a Seinfeld low talker.

    To be fair, before the contest he warned us, “This is gonna get loud.”

    There were five people crammed into the space of a telephone booth. Each time Chestnut dunked a bun into a Big Gulp-sized cup and squished out the water, I was spritzed with bun juice.

    The guy doesn't chew
    Because my job was to flip scorecard numbers, and turn to show the ESPN guy, no way could I accurately count Chestnut’s hot dogs. Take your eyes off Chestnut for a moment and you may miss a hot dog going down. He doesn’t eat like a normal person who takes a bite, chews, talks with a buddy, has a sip of water. Rather he grabs two hot dogs, separates the franks from the buns, and stuffs the dogs into his mouth in a feeding frenzy. It's a violent motion. I once asked Chestnut if he chews the hot dogs. He answered "minimally."

    He dunks the buns one at a time and shovels them in. It’s wet ‘n’ wild and not pretty. Even if you stare at him, fully focused without blinking, it’s difficult to track how many dogs he’s eating.

    Two minutes into the contest, I suspected that our score might be wrong, but what could I do? This isn’t the NBA where referees can stop play if the clock isn’t working. There's no do-overs in competitive eating. By the time I felt “uh-oh,” Chestnut had already downed about 20 hot dogs and buns, although my scorecard reflected half that many.

    "Worst judging ever I've ever seen."
    When the final bell rang, Chestnut knew my scorecard was wrong and yelled down, “You messed up!” He was angry, rightfully so. Emcee George Shea said, “Worst judging I’ve ever seen.”

    Well, at least he could see. My judging partner and I missed Chestnut’s count by 10 hot dogs. That was a horrible blunder. What you didn’t hear on the ESPN telecast, the judges next to us had runner-up Carmen Cincotti finishing with 45 hot dogs.

    He actually downed 64 hot dogs. At least that was Cincotti's official total. I’ve watched a replay of the contest several times. I think he ate 66 hot dogs.

    My lingering regret from July 4 is that I was part of diminishing Chestnut's achievement. Because of my job, I’ve gotten to meet incredible people — celebrities, famous athletes, presidents, Broadway stars, a former Beatle. Chestnut is right at the top of my list of favorite people. To let him down like I did, whether it was my fault or not, really upset me. I also felt for my judging partner, who apologized over and over directly to Chestnut and emcee Shea after the contest.

    Vegas is coming
    Something else made the counting blunder even riskier business. Las Vegas casinos took bets on the hot dog contest. Oddsmakers set the over/under number on Chestnut’s count at 72-and-one-half hot dogs. When the contest ended, I was holding up “64,” meaning those who bet the under thought they won the bet. When the total was corrected to 74, those who bet the over won.

    When you goof up and Vegas money is affected, that’s when you get a knock on your door. I wondered if I'd have to wear a giant sombrero and fake mustache the rest of my life.

    No Steve Harvey
    Just don't compare my miscount with Steve Harvey’s blunder at the Miss Universe Pageant and Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway flub at the Academy Awards … the rightful winner was announced at the hot dog contest. A mistake was made, but there was never a question of who won, only by how much.

    Here's something you didn’t see on the ESPN telecast. In the women’s division, Sonya “The Black Widow” Thomas — the Babe Ruth of women’s competitive eating – was disqualified for a “reversal of fortune,” which is exactly what it sounds like. If that weren’t enough, she tried to hide her violation by … you really want to know?

    You really don’t.

    Now I’m hearing that Major League Eating is considering electronic or computerized scoring of next year’s July 4th contest. Absolutely that’s what needs to be done. And I’ll be watching on TV.

    ---

    Share your sympathy or vitriol with Ken on Twitter.

    Joey Chestnut broke his previous world record.

    Joey Chestnut 2018 hot dog eating contest
      
    Photo by Ken Hoffman
    Joey Chestnut broke his previous world record.
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    game, set, zina.

    Best of Ken Hoffman: Interviewing Houston's greatest tennis icon

    Ken Hoffman
    Aug 29, 2024 | 12:30 pm
    Zina Garrison, tennis player
    ITATennis
    Garrison, a tennis legend, is now the tennis director of Houston Parks and Recreation.

    Editor's note: After the sudden death of beloved columnist Ken Hoffman on July 14, CultureMap is republishing some of our favorite "Hoffman's Houston" columns. In honor of the U.S. Open, here's Ken's interview with Houston tennis legend Zina Garrison; it was originally published on June 27, 2022.

    As a child, Zina Garrison learned how to hit a tennis ball on the public courts at MacGregor Park during the 1970s and became, simply, the most accomplished player ever from Houston.

    She developed into a Grand Slam champion, a Top 5 ranking in the world, Wimbledon finalist in 1990 with 20 tournament titles, Federation Cup captain, and Olympic gold medal winner and later Olympic coach.

    Now Garrison is back where she started, only this time she’s devoted to making Houston a great place to learn and play tennis … again. Like she did.

    “I am now the tennis director of Houston Parks and Recreation,” Garrison tells me. “I’m over all the public tennis programs and facilities. The job came open recently and I applied for it.”

    Wait... she’s the greatest champion this city has ever produced — and she had to apply for that job?

    “To be honest, I was more interested in the benefits than the money. As you get older, you start thinking differently,” she shares.

    Unlike the major sports leagues in America, tennis doesn’t provide any healthcare insurance or assistance once a player, even a legend, retires.

    “They’re working on it,” Garrison, 58, notes. “But as of now, nothing.”

    Garrison said her first priority as Houston’s tennis director is to repair the public courts.

    “I want to bring the public tennis facilities up to where I’d be proud, where everybody would be proud, to bring people to use our courts. There are cracks in the courts. Nothing’s really been done in the last 20 or maybe 30 years,” she says.

    “I’ve traveled to Florida and some other places and they have really nice public courts. Tennis in Houston was really thriving for a while and we had nice courts and people could play in the parks. We had junior programs. We flourished. That’s my main goal.”

    While I had Garrison on the phone, I served up some questions:

    CultureMap: Wimbledon is on. You’re familiar with that tournament, right? Who are your picks to win the men’s side and women’s side?

    Zina Garrison: Yes, I’m familiar with Wimbledon. I have my alarm set for the early morning so I can watch. I have a weird pick, a more personal pick, for the men.

    I would love to see Rafael Nadal keep going on, but it’s going to be tough for him. The guy from Italy, Matteo Berrettini, I watched him play a couple of weeks ago and I think he’s going to surprise a lot of people. And I am absolutely in love with that little guy, Carlos Alcaraz, from Spain. He’s made me watch tennis again.

    On the women’s side, I don’t think it will be Iga Swiatek. I think it’s just too hard to keep a streak like hers (35 matches in a row including the French Open title) going in today’s game. It’s really wide open. I don’t really have a pick, it’s just who comes in and plays well at the right time.

    CM: What do you think about Natela Dzalamidze, the doubles player from Russian who switched her nationality to Georgia so she could play Wimbledon, which has banned players from Russian and Belarus this year?

    ZG: I don’t like that she was able to do that. I was just on the phone with (former pro turned broadcaster) Chanda Rubin talking about what’s going on in tennis these days.

    First of all, there is the human rights stuff that’s going on in Russia and Ukraine. We have to start forcing accountability for actions. A lot of people didn’t agree with what Wimbledon did, but I think they had to take a stand.

    CM: The women’s GOAT is easy — it’s Serena. But who do you think is the men’s GOAT?

    ZG: Wow, that’s a hard one. If you had asked me earlier this year, I would have said Roger Federer because of everything he’s accomplished. But right now I’m going to have to go with Nadal. Nadal has taken tennis to a whole ‘nother level, of getting people to watch, coming out of the pandemic, where he has matches and you think he can’t come back and he’s still grinding no matter what.

    For me, he is the epitome of what we need in this world right now: Never give up but not be selfish about helping others. I know it sounds clichéd, but that’s what I’m going through right now.

    CM: When I first met you, you were painfully shy. It was hard to get an answer out of you. Now you’re a TV commentator and a regular chatterbox. What happened?

    ZG: I was an introvert but I had always been intrigued by people of wisdom. A lot of it came as I developed confidence in myself. I had always been told at a very young age, if you really knew me, I spoke a lot. If you didn’t know me, I would be quiet. I would only speak about things that I was extremely passionate about.

    As I’ve gotten older, because of my experiences. I feel like I can help people so I’m not afraid to say what I want to say.

    CM: Starting the week after Wimbledon, coaches will be allowed to communicate with men players during matches. Up to now, that’s only been allowed in the women’s game. Every other sport allows coaching. Do you think tennis should allow coaching, too?

    ZG: I don’t think coaching should be allowed. That’s one of the great things about tennis. That’s a part of the sport, that you grow and figure things out. You learn to think for yourself.

    There’s always been little signals from coaches, but now you have these full blown conversations. Another bad thing about allowing coaching is it gives the players the opportunity to blame a loss their coach. That’s not good for the sport.

    CM: You were known for wiggling your butt when receiving serve. Did you know you were doing it? Did you do that on purpose?

    ZG: It started off as kind of a joke with my coaches. They said, we need you to move your feet. I said, you mean like this?

    So, it started as a joke but I realized that it helped get my feet moving: Okay, I’m going to keep doing this.

    I’ll never forget that year after I got to the Wimbledon finals, 1990, I went over to Japan and there were 1,200 people there … and all of them started wiggling!

    CM: What was the first extravagant thing you bought for yourself when the tennis prize money started rolling in?

    ZG: It was 1982, and I bought a candy apple red Volkswagen convertible with a white top.

    CM: You were on the Biggest Loser, the show where contestants compete against each other to lose weight. Let’s just say you didn’t win. Are you happy you went on that show, or do you regret it?

    ZG: I was one of the first who had to leave the competition. (No, you were THE first.) It was an experience, but I probably shouldn’t have done it. I think I regret going on there. It wasn’t what I thought it was.

    It was reality TV and at the time I didn’t know what reality TV was .I was more ready to get out of there than anything else.

    CM: Now here’s the big question, Zina. For years, I’ve had a running disagreement with ESPN 97.5 FM morning host John Granato about which is a more demanding, tougher sport – golf or tennis?

    Granato says it’s golf, because the tournament winner has to beat every other player that week, while in tennis the winner just has to beat seven players at most. And, each week, golfers have to contend with a different course.

    But, I say it’s tennis because players have to be in top physical condition, while nearly anyone in any shape can win a golf major.

    Plus, in golf, players have a caddy helping them make decisions. In tennis, players are on their own.

    In golf, you can have a bad day on Thursday and still win the tournament. In tennis, if you have a bad day in the opening round, you’re on a plane out of there.

    In golf, it’s the player against the course. There’s no defense in golf. In tennis, there’s a human opponent trying to beat you.

    In golf, the ball is lying still. In tennis the ball is coming at you at 140 mph.

    So which is the tougher sport, golf or tennis? I’m right ... right?

    ZG: Are you serious? Who is this guy who says golf is harder? The answer is tennis and it’s not even close.

    You’re playing against someone. You’re only controlling the ball when it’s on your side of the net. You can’t control what the other player is doing. It’s almost like a boxer coming at you.

    You have to have both the physical and mental capacity to win. In golf, if you have a bad day, it’s because you’re having that bad day. There’s no opponent competing with you. So, I’m saying it’s tennis.

    CM (note to John Granato): I win. Granted, it might have been the way I asked the question. Also, Garrison is a former tennis pro.

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