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    Un-Belize-Able Adventure

    Un-Belize-able! Luxe San Ignacio resort showers guests with adventure and lots of zip

    Ken Hoffman
    Sep 7, 2017 | 10:15 am

    When I planned my trip to Belize, the country formerly called British Honduras, in Central America, I had to decide between snorkeling in crystal clear Caribbean water to the east, or exploring lush rainforest jungles in the west.

    Let’s swing in the jungle. Belize isn’t cutting down its rainforest. They’re doing business by protecting natural tourist attractions. Smart.

    Over four days, I paddled a canoe on the Macal River, visited a Maya village and ancient pyramids of Xunantunich, went zip-lining at Calico Jack’s Village (more on that later – there was an incident), shopped at a madhouse Saturday market, and pretty much ate my brains out. The food in Belize is pretty darn fabulous.

    Hotel digs

    I was a guest at the San Ignacio Resort Hotel, one of the Belize’s sparkling gems — in fact, it’s won the country’s Hotel of the Year award and houses the Restaurant of the Year from 2016. I’ve stayed in many upscale hotels because of my job, but I never saw one combine luxury and fun like this one. The maids leave little messages made from flower petals on the bed. Each day, I’d rearrange the petals to spell something different. You get your laughs where you can.

    San Ignacio, about a two-hour drive from the airport in Belize City, is the country’s second-largest city, with about 20,000 residents. Yes, it’s a small, young country. It gained its independence from England in 1981. English is the official language of Belize. Money is easy to figure, too. Two Belize dollars equal one U.S. dollar. So it’s like everything is half price.

    Queen Elizabeth visited Belize in 1994 and stayed at the San Ignacio Resort Hotel. Since Belize is still part of the British Commonwealth, she is officially Queen of Belize, too. Her room was down the hall from mine. Her Majesty had dinner in the hotel’s Running W Steakhouse, named after the family's cattle ranch.

    I'll have what she's having

    I had dinner one night with Paulita Figueroa, one of the four sisters who own and operate, hands-on, the hotel. Figueroa was the Queen’s waitress back in 1994. I asked, “What did Queenie have for dinner?” I’ll have what she had, like in When Harry Met Sally.”

    Her Royal Highness had a traditional Belizean dinner of hearts of palm, medallions of beef tenderloin, steamed chocho, fresh corn tamalitos, and soursop ice cream.

    I have no idea what 60 percent of those things are … “You know, just give me Bob’s Special.”

    A few years ago, a Canadian construction worker named Bob had dinner at the hotel and ordered the Maya Steak, a grilled dish with beans and cabbage. Later, he wandered in the kitchen and said, “The steak was wonderful, but it’d be a whole lot better if you lost the beans and cabbage and replaced them with curly fries and gravy.”

    It’s been on the menu ever since – Bob’s Special.

    Celeb guests

    Other celebrities who’ve been to the hotel: Houston’s own Olympic hero Simone Biles, whose mother is from Belize. Simone has dual citizenship, Belize and U.S. Harry Belafonte, one of my heroes, has stayed at the San Ignacio Resort Hotel. Michael Bolton, too.

    Extras

    Out back of the hotel, beyond the sparking pool and near the tennis court stadium, the San Ignacio Resort Hotel has its Green Iguana Sanctuary Project, a home for injured animals. They look like miniature Godzillas. The operator – it’s his full time job – asked if I wanted to hold one. Nope, I’m good.

    A fully loaded casino is next door. The hotel arranges days trips and tours. I took one to a Maya Village where I learned how to make tortillas from scratch – starting with whole corn on the cob. My arms were sore that night. I think the woman who showed me how to make cornmeal could crush a Volkswagen with her bare hands.

    Then I paddled a canoe (well, I helped) for seven miles, and that was easier than making tortillas. There’s golf and cave exploring, a whole lot to do and fun to be had in San Ignacio.

    The Saturday morning farmers market/flea market has everything you need, plus souvenirs for back home. The fresh fruit and vegetable are startling. Belize is one of those places where you spit out a watermelon seed, and six months later there’s six watermelons waiting to be sliced for a family picnic.

    When the concierge asked if everything was okay with my room, I said, “This is probably going to sound odd, but that’s the most unbelievable shower I’ve ever had in my life. I was way past Prune Stage 7 and didn’t want to come out.”

    The concierge smiled and said, “It’s not odd, everybody says that. They say they want to do that with their bathrooms at home.”

    The shower is built for two (for the lucky) and has multiple showerheads built into the wall shooting hot water from different heights and angles. It’s like standing in a car wash with no car. The water pressure is enough to put out house fires.

    Zip along

    One of the “musts” of a visit to Belize, for those with a bit of adventure, is zip-lining at Calico Jack’s in the Village of El Progresso. I had never heard of zip-lining. You mean like when you put sandwiches in a plastic bag and seal the top? No, this is when they strap you in a harness and hook you to a metal cable stretched from tree to tree in the jungle. And you go hurtling from platform to platform like Tarzan swinging on a vine. Except much faster and, for a city slicker like me, much scarier.

    Calico Jack’s has 15 zip lines, arranged like a golf course. Each ride is a different length at a different height with different little surprises. Did I mention that it was pouring down rain in the rainforest the day I went zip-lining? The guide said, “Rain makes you go faster than usual.” I didn’t need to hear that.

    The guide gave me gloves and a helmet and instructions that ended with, “Just step off the platform and hang on tight. Don’t look down. You don’t want to see the last few people who didn’t make it.” I actually asked, “Have people fallen off this thing? How hurt do they get?”

    He said, “We don’t know. The jaguars and birds get to the bodies first and eat them, bones and all.”

    Everybody’s a comedian, even in the jungle. Nobody’s ever fallen off, don’t worry. The harness locks onto the lines so there’s no safety issue. By the third zip line, even a scaredy cat like me got the hang of it. I was flying through the air like a trapeze artist.

    Zip-lining at Calico Jack’s isn’t a baby ferris wheel in a supermarket parking lot. It’s a blast, a thrill ride with all the frills. The first step off Platform No. 1 is a doozy … and that’s when the incident occurred.

    Lock and load

    A woman named Stephanie Elena, the marketing manager at San Ignacio Resort Hotel, came along for my zip-lining adventure. As I stepped off the first platform, and felt gravity take over, Stephanie shrieked to the guide, “He’s not locked in!

    Un-Belize-able! It was a prank. Good thing it was raining and my pants were already drenched, otherwise I would have had some explaining to do.

    I had a little conversation with Stephanie on the way back to the hotel. The topic was comedic timing. What she did to me, not good timing. I’m not sure she heard me through her laughter, though. It was pretty funny, I have to admit. She got me.

    Naturally, I will get my revenge. Poor thing, she won’t even see it coming.

    San Ignacio is about a two-hour drive from the airport in Belize City.

    San Ignacio in Belize
      
    Courtesy photo
    San Ignacio is about a two-hour drive from the airport in Belize City.
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    game, set, zina.

    Best of Ken Hoffman: Interviewing Houston's greatest tennis icon

    Ken Hoffman
    Aug 29, 2024 | 12:30 pm
    Zina Garrison, tennis player
    ITATennis
    Garrison, a tennis legend, is now the tennis director of Houston Parks and Recreation.

    Editor's note: After the sudden death of beloved columnist Ken Hoffman on July 14, CultureMap is republishing some of our favorite "Hoffman's Houston" columns. In honor of the U.S. Open, here's Ken's interview with Houston tennis legend Zina Garrison; it was originally published on June 27, 2022.

    As a child, Zina Garrison learned how to hit a tennis ball on the public courts at MacGregor Park during the 1970s and became, simply, the most accomplished player ever from Houston.

    She developed into a Grand Slam champion, a Top 5 ranking in the world, Wimbledon finalist in 1990 with 20 tournament titles, Federation Cup captain, and Olympic gold medal winner and later Olympic coach.

    Now Garrison is back where she started, only this time she’s devoted to making Houston a great place to learn and play tennis … again. Like she did.

    “I am now the tennis director of Houston Parks and Recreation,” Garrison tells me. “I’m over all the public tennis programs and facilities. The job came open recently and I applied for it.”

    Wait... she’s the greatest champion this city has ever produced — and she had to apply for that job?

    “To be honest, I was more interested in the benefits than the money. As you get older, you start thinking differently,” she shares.

    Unlike the major sports leagues in America, tennis doesn’t provide any healthcare insurance or assistance once a player, even a legend, retires.

    “They’re working on it,” Garrison, 58, notes. “But as of now, nothing.”

    Garrison said her first priority as Houston’s tennis director is to repair the public courts.

    “I want to bring the public tennis facilities up to where I’d be proud, where everybody would be proud, to bring people to use our courts. There are cracks in the courts. Nothing’s really been done in the last 20 or maybe 30 years,” she says.

    “I’ve traveled to Florida and some other places and they have really nice public courts. Tennis in Houston was really thriving for a while and we had nice courts and people could play in the parks. We had junior programs. We flourished. That’s my main goal.”

    While I had Garrison on the phone, I served up some questions:

    CultureMap: Wimbledon is on. You’re familiar with that tournament, right? Who are your picks to win the men’s side and women’s side?

    Zina Garrison: Yes, I’m familiar with Wimbledon. I have my alarm set for the early morning so I can watch. I have a weird pick, a more personal pick, for the men.

    I would love to see Rafael Nadal keep going on, but it’s going to be tough for him. The guy from Italy, Matteo Berrettini, I watched him play a couple of weeks ago and I think he’s going to surprise a lot of people. And I am absolutely in love with that little guy, Carlos Alcaraz, from Spain. He’s made me watch tennis again.

    On the women’s side, I don’t think it will be Iga Swiatek. I think it’s just too hard to keep a streak like hers (35 matches in a row including the French Open title) going in today’s game. It’s really wide open. I don’t really have a pick, it’s just who comes in and plays well at the right time.

    CM: What do you think about Natela Dzalamidze, the doubles player from Russian who switched her nationality to Georgia so she could play Wimbledon, which has banned players from Russian and Belarus this year?

    ZG: I don’t like that she was able to do that. I was just on the phone with (former pro turned broadcaster) Chanda Rubin talking about what’s going on in tennis these days.

    First of all, there is the human rights stuff that’s going on in Russia and Ukraine. We have to start forcing accountability for actions. A lot of people didn’t agree with what Wimbledon did, but I think they had to take a stand.

    CM: The women’s GOAT is easy — it’s Serena. But who do you think is the men’s GOAT?

    ZG: Wow, that’s a hard one. If you had asked me earlier this year, I would have said Roger Federer because of everything he’s accomplished. But right now I’m going to have to go with Nadal. Nadal has taken tennis to a whole ‘nother level, of getting people to watch, coming out of the pandemic, where he has matches and you think he can’t come back and he’s still grinding no matter what.

    For me, he is the epitome of what we need in this world right now: Never give up but not be selfish about helping others. I know it sounds clichéd, but that’s what I’m going through right now.

    CM: When I first met you, you were painfully shy. It was hard to get an answer out of you. Now you’re a TV commentator and a regular chatterbox. What happened?

    ZG: I was an introvert but I had always been intrigued by people of wisdom. A lot of it came as I developed confidence in myself. I had always been told at a very young age, if you really knew me, I spoke a lot. If you didn’t know me, I would be quiet. I would only speak about things that I was extremely passionate about.

    As I’ve gotten older, because of my experiences. I feel like I can help people so I’m not afraid to say what I want to say.

    CM: Starting the week after Wimbledon, coaches will be allowed to communicate with men players during matches. Up to now, that’s only been allowed in the women’s game. Every other sport allows coaching. Do you think tennis should allow coaching, too?

    ZG: I don’t think coaching should be allowed. That’s one of the great things about tennis. That’s a part of the sport, that you grow and figure things out. You learn to think for yourself.

    There’s always been little signals from coaches, but now you have these full blown conversations. Another bad thing about allowing coaching is it gives the players the opportunity to blame a loss their coach. That’s not good for the sport.

    CM: You were known for wiggling your butt when receiving serve. Did you know you were doing it? Did you do that on purpose?

    ZG: It started off as kind of a joke with my coaches. They said, we need you to move your feet. I said, you mean like this?

    So, it started as a joke but I realized that it helped get my feet moving: Okay, I’m going to keep doing this.

    I’ll never forget that year after I got to the Wimbledon finals, 1990, I went over to Japan and there were 1,200 people there … and all of them started wiggling!

    CM: What was the first extravagant thing you bought for yourself when the tennis prize money started rolling in?

    ZG: It was 1982, and I bought a candy apple red Volkswagen convertible with a white top.

    CM: You were on the Biggest Loser, the show where contestants compete against each other to lose weight. Let’s just say you didn’t win. Are you happy you went on that show, or do you regret it?

    ZG: I was one of the first who had to leave the competition. (No, you were THE first.) It was an experience, but I probably shouldn’t have done it. I think I regret going on there. It wasn’t what I thought it was.

    It was reality TV and at the time I didn’t know what reality TV was .I was more ready to get out of there than anything else.

    CM: Now here’s the big question, Zina. For years, I’ve had a running disagreement with ESPN 97.5 FM morning host John Granato about which is a more demanding, tougher sport – golf or tennis?

    Granato says it’s golf, because the tournament winner has to beat every other player that week, while in tennis the winner just has to beat seven players at most. And, each week, golfers have to contend with a different course.

    But, I say it’s tennis because players have to be in top physical condition, while nearly anyone in any shape can win a golf major.

    Plus, in golf, players have a caddy helping them make decisions. In tennis, players are on their own.

    In golf, you can have a bad day on Thursday and still win the tournament. In tennis, if you have a bad day in the opening round, you’re on a plane out of there.

    In golf, it’s the player against the course. There’s no defense in golf. In tennis, there’s a human opponent trying to beat you.

    In golf, the ball is lying still. In tennis the ball is coming at you at 140 mph.

    So which is the tougher sport, golf or tennis? I’m right ... right?

    ZG: Are you serious? Who is this guy who says golf is harder? The answer is tennis and it’s not even close.

    You’re playing against someone. You’re only controlling the ball when it’s on your side of the net. You can’t control what the other player is doing. It’s almost like a boxer coming at you.

    You have to have both the physical and mental capacity to win. In golf, if you have a bad day, it’s because you’re having that bad day. There’s no opponent competing with you. So, I’m saying it’s tennis.

    CM (note to John Granato): I win. Granted, it might have been the way I asked the question. Also, Garrison is a former tennis pro.

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