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    Books

    In Stories I Only Tell My Friends, Rob Lowe kisses but doesn't tell everything

    Jane Howze
    May 6, 2011 | 11:33 pm
    • Lowe in "Brothers & Sisters" before he got killed off the show.

    Editor's Note: Part of summer fun is reading a trash novel or celebrity tell-all. Contributor Jane Howze evaluates actor Rob Lowe's memoir.

    I'm probably one of the few red blooded females in this country who never saw Rob Lowe in The West Wing or followed his womanizing ways as a member of the infamous "brat pack." And no, I never saw his famous sex tape either. I came to love Rob Lowe late in life — call it my middle age crush — when he showed up as Senator Robert McAlister on the beautifully written Brothers & Sisters.

    While easy to dismiss him as just another pretty face, albeit for the plus-40 set, it turns out the boy or man can write — and write well at that.

    In Lowe's Stories I Only Tell My Friends (Henry Holt & Co., $26), Lowe not only mentions almost everyone in Hollywood but tells a poignant tale of how a middle class kid raised in Dayton, Ohio, of a lawyer father and new agey mom ends up in Malibu playing with Charlie Sheen, Sean Penn and Emilio Estevez.

    While Lowe is happy to dish in a discrete statesmanlike way about the multitudes of stars in his orbit (more on that later), the best part of the book is the familiar tale of a boy of a broken marriage who tries to fill this void in a myriad of unhealthy ways — think drugs, non-stop partying, and women — until years later he gains enough self-awareness to become a wiser, introspective and conscious adult.

    Intertwined with this theme is the Hollywood roller coaster ride of a child star who hits it big only to fall and rise yet again.

    There is a sense of destiny that emanates from Lowe. When he was only 10, he boldly knocked on the hotel room of Liza Minnelli who was performing in Columbus. Though it seems preposterous to consider today, Minnelli's husband Jack Haley answered the door and the youngster said, "My name is Rob Lowe. I want to be an actor and I was hoping to meet Miss Minnelli."

    Minnelli, at the height of her fame after winning as Oscar for Best Actress in Cabaret, invited Lowe into her living room. She was eating chocolates, drinking wine, and they chatted about theater and music before she sent him off with a wink: “Good luck, kid. Maybe I'll see you in Hollywood.”

    Destiny continued to knock at Lowe's door when he moved from Ohio to California with his mother, who had unspecified mental health issues and spent most of her time in bed, and her new husband. (Lowe comments that, to this day, women in pajamas give him the creeps.)

    Lowe was determined to get into acting and while still in junior high signed with an agent. He worked hard with little help from his disengaged parents, riding the bus two hours each way to get to Burbank for auditions. He got bit parts and even a short-lived sitcom but work eventually dried up. On the verge of chucking it all and going to college (he got accepted to both UCLA and USC) he snagged a role in Francis Ford Coppola’s The Outsiders, starring Patrick Swayze, Tom Cruise, Matt Dillon, Ralph Macchio, Emilio Estevez, Diane Lane, and C. Thomas Howell.

    His career was officially launched.

    St. Elmo’s Fire (1985) and About Last Night (1986) followed. Lowe writes extensively about the highs and lows of making movies and his naiveté in his new world. When Coppola suggested tai chi before beginning The Outsiders, Lowe though the director he was referring to take-out Chinese food.

    The book is chock full of bold faced names. Readers seeking dirt should know that his worst “trashing” is characterizing Tom Cruise as “robotic with a bloodless focus.” He recalls meeting Sarah Jessica Parker when both were teenagers at a lunch arranged by his agent. Lowe describes a date with Cary Grant’s daughter where Grant gives him a bar of Fabergé soap (Grant was on the board of the company.) The co-star of his first failed sitcom is Janet Jackson. Although he dated Melissa Gilbert for several years, he mentions her only in passing, saying that her mother wouldn’t let her visit him on set.

    President Bill Clinton gives him advice on parenting. He campaigns tirelessly for Michael Dukakis, even throwing up before a press conference because he is so worn down. Lowe meets JFK, Jr. in Sun Valley and in a weird twist learns that the flight he regularly took from Washington to Los Angeles was used by the hijackers for a trial run in August of 2001. Jodie Foster is mentioned as the one friend who stood by him after the infamous sex tape to which he devotes a measly four pages to and basically says “I had no idea anyone in the club was underaged.”

    In the same vein, Lowe refuses to settle scores with anyone involved in The West Wing, though he writes he was the only star who never received a raise and mentions instances where he was excluded from photo shoots, asked to give up his main billing and had his part cut in later years.

    While Lowe doesn’t directly address the “pretty boy” label, he does write about how depersonalizing it was being called a “hunk” and writes with gallows humor about sitting on the bed ministering to his dying grandmother as a nurse was asking him for an autograph.

    Lowe is at his best when he writes about his battle with alcohol. After partying relentlessly for many years, he met his future wife, makeup artist Sheryl Berkoff, who refused to be a part of his drug induced life. Lowe checked into rehab and gained an understanding of what led him to drink and how important his sobriety is to him, 20 years later. Clearly he is writing this part of the book with his teenage sons in mind.

    As a celebrity memoir, this is an entertaining read and a riveting description of life as a high rolling single movie star in the '80s. Lowe is smart, self deprecatingly funny and avoids the sin of many celebrities who whine about how hard it is to lose their privacy and be a star. Reading the book is very much like having dinner with a friend who regales you with stories of their past. You find yourself not wanting the dinner to end.

    His book is not without faults. He glosses over his four-year stint on Brothers & Sisters, a show many believe gave him a second or third life, with just one sentence, lumped in with Parks & Recreation and Californication. Perhaps he is considering a second book?

    Secondly, he makes no mention of the multiple lawsuits he has brought and that have been brought against him by three different nannies for sexual harassment, lewd conduct etc. Instead he writes about his world of opportunities:, owning a studio, making movies, directing, the most perfect wife in the world, still wildly in love with her and those kids, close as ever.

    It just seems the ends are tidied up a bit too much. But perhaps you can’t write a celebrity autobiography without having it end with “they all lived happily ever after.”

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    Movie Review

    Over-the-top acting and incoherent plot drag down Her Private Hell

    Alex Bentley
    Jul 23, 2026 | 3:00 pm
    Sophie Thatcher in Her Private Hell
    Photo courtesy of Neon
    Sophie Thatcher in Her Private Hell.

    Danish filmmaker Nicolas Winding Refn is not someone who plays nice with the general film world. His 2011 film Drive introduced him to American audiences in a big way, but that pulsating thriller was followed up with artier films like Only God Forgives and The Neon Demon that eschewed coherent plots in favor of moody, atmospheric pieces.

    Winding Refn, who hasn’t made a feature film in 10 years, has gone fully down the rabbit hole with Her Private Hell. Taking place in a liminal space that kind of resembles Earth but also feels like someone’s dreams/nightmares, the film focuses on Elle (Sophie Thatcher), an actor currently starring in a sci-fi film. Staying at a hotel with newcomer Hunter (Kristine Froseth), the two bond over their shared passion and the legend of Elle’s father, Johnny Thunders (Dougray Scott), who’s now married to Elle’s friend Dominique (Havana Rose Liu).

    After spending a good amount of (mostly incomprehensible) time with that group, Refn introduces Private K (Charles Melton), who seems to be living in post-World War II Japan. He is looking for his daughter, who might have been taken by a mysterious figure known as “Leatherman,” and he will stop at nothing to find her, fighting whoever stands in his way.

    It becomes clear almost right away that Winding Refn has no desire to engage in traditional storytelling in this film. The main characters wander through neon-drenched streets and buildings, which are often surrounded by a mist that is referred to on multiple occasions but never explained. Everyone speaks as if in a constant state of wonderment, and there are many moments where it’s unclear if events are actually happening, part of a movie-within-a-movie, or something else entirely.

    Unlike his previous films, Winding Refn has taken the characters in this film completely out of the real world, with every scene taking place in a sparsely decorated room or street that is obviously a movie set. While there are moments where this decision really works, especially the striking first shot of a human-like figure mixed in with a cityscape and clouds, most of the time it only adds to the stilted nature of the film as a whole.

    In fact, the entire movie has the feel of an avant-garde theater exercise. Every actor seems to be trying to outdo the others with awkward performances and out-sized reactions. Two very specific characters make appearances in both sides of the story for seemingly no reason other than to inject their weirdness into both spaces. The shocking violence that crops up on occasion would have more of an impact if it was related to anything intelligible.

    Thatcher (Companion) and Liu (Tuner) are among the young stars who have had breakout moments in recent years, but neither of them is served well by this hot mess of a movie. They, along with Melton, still demonstrate the talent they possess, but the oddity of the film weighs them down. Scott makes an impression for all the wrong reasons, while Froseth is called upon to play a character who might as well not be there at all.

    If there’s any kind of message that Winding Refn was trying to convey with Her Private Hell, it’s lost among the flashing lights, overload of pink, and jewel-like structures. Filmmakers who try to make art for art’s sake have a place in the world, but this film too often feels like people are making things up as they go, with no real goal in mind.

    ---

    Her Private Hell opens in theaters on July 24.

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