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    Mondo Cinema

    Avoid this movie at all costs: Charlie Sheen bombs in a horrific clunker — see these flicks instead

    Joe Leydon
    Feb 22, 2013 | 5:51 pm

    Whatever promise Roman Coppola might have displayed as a director a few years back with CQ goes egregiously unfulfilled, if not utterly betrayed, with A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swan III (at Sundance Cinemas downtown), a tediously in-jokey and interminably self-indulgent disaster that brings out the worst in everyone involved.

    To be sure, it’s not like Coppola — son of Francis, brother of Sofia — raised astronomical expectations with CQ, a modestly clever 2002 dramedy about a self-absorbed, super-serious American film editor who’s tossed into the mad, mod ‘60s world of cheesy-breezy European co-productions. But at least that film had a sense of playfulness about it, along with strong eye for defining period detail.

    In sharp contrast, Charles Swan is a strained and painfully unamusing bore, with Charlie Sheen typecast in the lead role of an undisciplined jerk and chronic womanizer whose surreal fantasies are meant to be funny and fascinating. Throughout this catastrophe, Coppola repeatedly strikes dim echoes of 1970s stream-of-conscious comedy-dramas — especially All That Jazz and Who is Harry Kellerman and Why is He Saying Those Terrible Things About Me? — that obviously inspired him.

    By doing so, however, he only manages to underscore how inferior his film is to those he has ransacked.

    Charles Swan is a strained and unamusing bore, with Charlie Sheen typecast in the lead role of an undisciplined jerk.

    Sheen plays Charles Swan III, a celebrated graphic designer who has a personal and professional meltdown after his stunningly beautiful (and conspicuously younger) live-in girlfriend leaves him. Her decision to split — which, based on everything we see, seems an entirely reasonable response to unconscionably caddish behavior — encourages the self-pitying Swan to indulge in various fantasies, most of which place him, his snarky best buddy (Jason Schwartzman) and his anxious business manager (Bill Murray) in conflict with gorgeous but emasculating women.

    There is one truly funny moment, when Murray fleetingly riffs on John Wayne while he and his cowboy-clad buddies are attacked by beautiful babes dressed (barely) in Native American attire. But the moment passes, and the movie slogs onward.

    The running gag of Sheen’s playing a character not unlike his off-screen self (or at least the persona we’ve come to know through tabloid press accounts) gets stale after, oh, I dunno, the first five or six minutes. Sporadically, Sheen appears to be incorporating into his performance certain characteristics of other notorious naughty boys — including producer Robert Evans (note the tinted glasses) and Playboy founder Hugh Hefner.

    But, really, those are the things you start to notice only when you’re casting your gaze about the screen to find something, anything, that will sustain your waning interest.

    Ironically, Inside the Mind of Charles Swan III is opening in H-Town the same weekend that Roman Coppola will learn whether he’ll receive a much-deserved Oscar for co-writing (with director Wes Anderson) Moonrise Kingdom. Don’t be surprised if, this time next year, he’ll be a Razzie nominee for this flick.

    BOLLYWOOD MADNESS

    This weekend, there are no fewer than five — count ‘em, five! — Bollywood imports on view at AMC Studio 30. The lineup of new and continuing features includes:

    ABCD (Anybody Can Dance): Director-choreographer Remo D’Souza’s spirited comedy-drama about ambitious competitors on a top-rated dance show is said to be India’s “first 3D dance film.” Sounds right to me.

    Kai Po Che: Abhishek Kapoor’s fact-based drama about three friends divided by political and religious conflicts deals with unusually serious (by Bollywood standards) subject matter: The 2002 riots in Gujarat State in which Hindu mobs killed nearly 1,000 people, most of them Muslims.

    Murder 3: You will not be at all surprised to learn that this is a sequel to a movie titled Murder 2. It’s a mystery involving a successful wildlife and fashion photographer whose new girlfriend starts to wonder whatever happened to the guy’s former lover.

    Special 26: A true-crime drama (with songs) based on a notorious 1987 jewelry heist in Mumbai, featuring Indian superstar Akshay Kumar as a charismatic criminal mastermind.

    Zila Ghaziabad: Another Bollywood drama (with songs) based on real-life criminal activities, this one focusing on a violent gang war in 1990s Ghaziabad.

    OTHER SCREENS, OTHER CINEMA

    Moving from Bollywood to Nollywood, we have Doctor Bello (also at the AMC Studio 30), a Nigerian-produced drama with some familiar American faces (including Isaiah Washington and Vivica A. Fox), about a New York-based cancer specialist who tries to save a patient with the help of an uncertified Nigerian doctor living in Brooklyn.

    At 14 Pews, Tatsumi, Eric Khoo’s imaginative biopic about Japanese comics artist Yoshihiro Tatsumi, returns Saturday and Sunday after its H-Town premiere at the 2012 Houston Cinema Arts Festival.

    And the Mountainfilm on Tour Festival — a series of documentary films dedicated to raising ecological and cultural awareness — continues at the Asia Society Texas Center.

    COMING ATTRACTIONS

    Two leading Oscar nominees in the Best Documentary category — Malik Bendjelloul’s Searching for Sugarman (at 7 p.m. Tuesday through Thursday) and Kirby Dick’s The Invisible War (at 7 p.m. March 1, 4 p.m. March 3) — have been booked for return engagements at 14 Pews. But wait, there’s more: Free Saint Arnold’s Beer will served at the Searching for Sugarman screenings.

    A scene from A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swan III at Sundance Cinemas with Jason Schwartzman, Bill Murray and Charlie Sheen

    A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swan III at Sundance Cinemas, Jason Schwartzman, Bill Murray, Charlie Sheen.jpg
    A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swan III Facebook
    A scene from A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swan III at Sundance Cinemas with Jason Schwartzman, Bill Murray and Charlie Sheen
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    These are the 14 best things to do in Houston this weekend

    Craig D. Lindsey
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    Brandy & Monica: The Boy Is Mine Tour
    Photo courtesy of Brandy & Monica
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    Man, Mariah season really is in full swing!

    Everywhere you turn, holiday events are taking place: photos with Krampus at Betelgeuse Betelgeuse, Christmas Village at Bayou Bend, a holiday tree-lighting concert at Hermann Square, even a boot-scootin’ holiday bash at The Bryan Museum.

    Houstonians definitely have plenty of chances to take a pic with Santa this weekend. Then again, some might prefer to take a snap with 2000s ingenue Shannyn Sossamon, who’ll be at River Oaks Theatre on Sunday.

    Thursday, December 4

    Betelgeuse Betelgeuse and Hellhound Social Club present “Photos With Krampus"
    Montrose cocktail bar/gourmet pizza joint Betelgeuse Betelgeuse is partnering with local dog rescue Hellhound Social Club for “Photos With Krampus,” a spooky and fun take on the traditional holiday event. The event celebrates the mythical horned figure who, in the Central and Eastern Alpine folkloric tradition, is said to accompany Saint Nick on late-night visits to children. A $30 ticket includes one professional photo with Krampus and one cocktail from the bar. 6 pm.

    Serrano Gallery presents Fernando Andriacci: "Algarabias" opening reception
    Fernando Andriacci, originally from Cuicatlan, Oaxaca, has devoted his life to art in many forms, including painting, ceramics, and monumental murals. He founded the Taller de Artes Plásticas Municipales y Pintura Monumental Rodolfo Nieto, a space that helped shape his artistic path. His art is full of animals, plants, and decorative symbols that create his own fantastic world, a personal bestiary full of imagination and color. Using a mix of techniques, he combines rich textures with balance and harmony. Through Thursday, January 15. 6 pm.

    A.D. Players presents Narnia The Musical
    The Chronicles of Narnia, C.S, Lewis’s beloved portal-fantasy saga, comes to life in a magical musical where talking animals and mythical beings await. Aslan, the great lion, returns in Narnia’s time of need, guiding children from our world through a journey of courage, selflessness, and wonder - set to soaring, spirited songs. Through Tuesday, December 23. 7:30 pm (2 and 7:30 pm Saturday; 2 pm Sunday).

    Friday, December 5

    The Kid presents Kids’ Meals Houston Donation Party
    Heights neighborhood bar The Kid is hosting a community event supporting Kids’ Meals Houston. Customers can enjoy specialty cocktails – The Comeback Kid and Kids’ Table (a mocktail) – crafted exclusively to raise funds for families facing food insecurity this holiday season. The bar will donate 100 percent of the proceeds from each featured cocktail to help provide nutritious meals to children across Houston. Following the event, cocktails will remain on the menu, and $3 will be donated back to Kids’ Meals Houston. Children are welcome until 7 pm. 4 pm.

    Memorial Park Conservancy presents Deck the Park
    Get into the holiday spirit at Memorial Park Conservancy’s annual Deck the Park, marking the kickoff of the Park’s month-long Holiday Lights display. Deck the Park will feature a variety of family-friendly activities, including letters to Santa and ornament decorating, a tree lighting ceremony, and an outdoor screening of the holiday classic The Santa Clause, with popcorn and s’mores. Attendees can enjoy seasonal refreshments, including hot cocoa, apple cider, craft beer from Eureka Heights and more. 5 pm.

    The Museum of Fine Arts, Houston presents Christmas Village at Bayou Bend
    A winter wonderland returns to Bayou Bend with Christmas Village at Bayou Bend. Ima Hogg’s historic mansion is transformed into an immersive, holiday-themed theater experience with live actors, theatrical effects, and Christmas decorations. The Christmas Village also includes carolers singing nightly, a hand-crafted model train, animated projections, and festive activities, including a cotton snowball toss, reindeer games, and sledding on a faux-snow slope. Through Tuesday, December 30. 5:30 pm.

    Malbon Store Grand Opening
    SoCal culture/golf enthusiasts Stephen and Erica Malbon will be in the Heights this weekend. They’ll be around for the grand opening of their latest Malbom golf apparel store, located on 713 Heights Blvd. (Formerly a Lululemon.) And you know else will be there? Why, it’s none other than Houston rap legend/golf enthusiast Scarface. Here’s hoping Mr. Scarface will drop some rap classics – and, maybe, a few primo golfing tips. 6 pm.

    Saturday, December 6

    Recipe for Success Foundation presents First Saturday Holiday Market
    Recipe for Success is hosting their First Saturday Holiday Market, a full day of family-friendly activities that celebrate the season and spotlight local makers, wellness, and hands-on learning. Attendees can start the morning with yoga, dig into interactive gardening workshops (pre-registration required), join chef-led cooking classes in the kitchen (pre-registration again), enjoy all-day kids’ activities, shop local vendors, taste seasonal bites, and celebrate the holidays outdoors. 9 am.

    Community Artists’ Collective presents Ashe Holiday Market
    Ashé Holiday Market returns to the Community Artists’ Collective this month. Open Thursdays through Sundays, the market, celebrating its 18th year, features a curated selection of unique items made by local artisans. Additional items include African fabric, masks, and other art pieces from various African nations. Items from the Sankofa Emancipation Project, Third Ward Blooms, and Kindred Stories are also available. Through Saturday, December 27. Noon.

    Mid Main Houston presents Holiday on Main
    Join Mid Main Houston for Holiday on Main, which proudly supports the Houston Food Bank. Enjoy an afternoon filled with music, Tarot readings, holiday card crafting, and complimentary beverages from Saint Arnold Brewing. Come make the season unforgettable with festive holiday portraits — whether with a loved ones, a special someone, or even a pet. Keep an eye out for special guests, including a special appearance by Santa. 1 pm.

    Deck the Hall: The Mayor’s Holiday Tree Lighting Concert
    Houston’s beloved and official kickoff to the holiday season is finally here. The free, family-friendly celebration, going down in Hermann Square at City Hall, will feature live music, festive entertainment, and the lighting of Houston’s official holiday tree. Grammy-nominated R&B star Brian McKnight will headline the evening, performing a selection of holiday favorites and timeless hits. And Mayor Whitmire will lead the official countdown to light Houston’s towering holiday tree. 4 pm.

    Sunday, December 7

    The Bryan Museum presents Holiday Delights: A Boot-Scootin’ Bash
    Kick up your boots for a Texas-sized celebration at Holiday Delights at Galveston’s Bryan Museum. This free community event features festive decorations, line dancing, a petting zoo, games, crafts, and photos with Santa. This year, Holiday Delights will shine brighter than ever with a “We Are Texas” 10th anniversary theme, including storybook readings, elf hunts, live music, and free admission to the museum. 10 am.

    Color Factory presents Winter Colorland Night
    Color Factory is throwing a Winter Colorland party to give everyone a chance to add some tinsel to the season. Attendees are invited to don their seasonal best, belt out their favorite holiday tunes, and enjoy a night of colorful connection. They will also receive a free photo print of their favorite moment, along with an exclusive holiday postcard pack to share the joy of color to those near and far. 4 pm.

    Brandy & Monica: The Boy Is Mine Tour
    Clinton-era soul sirens Brandy and Monica come to Houston as part of The Boy Is Mine Tour, their first-ever co-headlining journey. The tour builds on the legacy of their 1998 duet “The Boy Is Mine,” which spent 13 consecutive weeks at No. 1 on the Billboard Hot 100 and became a defining cultural touchstone of late ‘90s R&B. They'll be joined by special guests Muni Long, Jamal Roberts (fresh off his American Idol Season 23 win), and Houston’s very own Kelly Rowland. 7 pm.

    Brandy & Monica: The Boy Is Mine Tour
    Photo courtesy of Brandy & Monica

    Brandy & Monica: The Boy Is Mine Tour will be at Toyota Center on December 7.

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