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    school of life

    Season's grievings: Channel anger from Sandy Hook shootings with 28 days ofChristmas giving

    Christina Pesoli
    Dec 25, 2012 | 12:00 pm
    • Memorials for victims of Sandy Hook.
      Imgace.com
    • After a funeral service in Newtown, Connecticut.
      Photo by Mario Tama/Getty Images

    I’m having a hard time moving on after the Sandy Hook tragedy. Maybe it’s because we have had so many of these mass killings recently. Or perhaps it’s because most of the victims were so young. Or it could be the millions of emotional miles between the extreme grief caused by this massacre and the sheer joy that we are supposed to experience at Christmas.

    I try to work through my Christmas “to do” list, but then the UPS truck delivers a parcel containing a Christmas present for my 12-year-old daughter, and I think of the deliveries that are still arriving at the homes of families in Newton for children who will not be there to open them on Christmas morning. And, just like that, I am no longer in the mood to festoon shiny foil packages with oversized ribbons.

    I go about routine chores like packing my daughter’s lunch for school and my phone lights up with a cheerful text from my grown son while on his way to work, and then I imagine the families of the staff members who worked at Sandy Hook who will no longer get shout-outs from their loved ones.

    In anger there is power — the power to propel yourself through your crisis and on to a better place. Anger can fuel action and generate growth.

    Eventually I reach a tipping point with all of this sadness, and it morphs into anger. And in that moment I finally find some comfort.

    I work with people who are going through divorce, coaching them on how to move forward during times of upheaval and despair. One of my key messages to my clients is this: Sadness is natural, but it is also strength-sapping. The challenge is to work through your sadness and get to the next stop: anger.

    In anger there is power — the power to propel yourself through your crisis and on to a better place. Sadness can keep you paralyzed. But anger can fuel action and generate growth. Anger can actually make you stronger.

    And given how many things make me angry about this tragedy, I should be able to single-handedly lift cars before long. On Facebook I saw one of those old-fashioned posters paired up with a contemporary caption. It read, “We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.”

    Calling someone an idiot who commits a massacre like the one at Sandy Hook minimizes the magnitude of this horrifying event. It’s like calling Timothy McVeigh a pest or Ted Kaczinsky a nuisance.

    People who believe there is a war on Christmas are idiots. Guys who wear shirts that say things like, “I’m not as think as you drunk I am,” are idiots. But people who murder innocent people for no apparent reason are psychopaths. There’s a big difference.

    We have to model for our children how to deal with grief and work through anger, while continuing to put one foot in front of the other, even — no, especially — when we don’t think we can.

    And speaking of the “war” on Christmas, during a time when 27 people just had their lives taken, how about we save the word “war” for things that actually involve the loss of human life, not some imaginary campaign against the biggest holiday of the year?

    Also floating around on Facebook is the proposal, apparently made in earnest, that in order to stop school shootings we should place three or four armed veterans at each public school. This may be the most dangerous “solution” I’ve heard for a long list of reasons, but mainly this one: Turning school safety into an arms race would not be just a wrong turn, it would be the shortest route to a dead end.

    I tell my clients that our children learn how to handle hardship and tragedy from watching us. We have to model for them how to deal with grief and work through anger, while continuing to put one foot in front of the other, even — no, especially — when we don’t think we can. And when we feel like we can’t do it for ourselves, that’s when we do it for our children.

    Now my challenge is to practice what I preach. I have to channel all of this anger toward something positive or else I will be wasting a precious resource and putting myself and my family at risk by stockpiling a potentially destructive emotion. I have to model for my daughter the steps involved in dealing with loss while continuing to live our lives. I have to figure out a way to pay respect to the tragedy but still celebrate Christmas.

    So, here’s my plan for converting my anger into action:

    There were 26 people who lost their lives in the Sandy Hook massacre, plus the perpetrator and his mother. That’s a total of 28 people. The first 911 call was placed at 9:35 am. So, for the next 28 days, I will donate $9.35 to the Brady Center to Prevent Gun Violence.

    I have to model for my daughter the steps involved in dealing with loss while continuing to live our lives. I have to figure out a way to pay respect to the tragedy but still celebrate Christmas.

    Each daily donation will be to honor the memory of one of the lives lost and a call to action to someone whose help is needed in the effort to pass reasonable gun control legislation.

    I realize that $9.35 seems like a paltry sum — insultingly low, really — to associate with a life that has been lost. And I understand that the cumulative total of $261.80 cannot by itself finance even a single hour of a campaign that has any chance of succeeding against the vast machine that is the NRA.

    But viewed in the context of this writer’s “income,” the amount is far more substantial. It represents a way I can process my anger in a positive way. And it’s an effort my daughter can both understand and participate in.

    One of my daily donations to the Brady Center to Prevent Gun Violence was made as a tribute to the memory of Rachel Davino, a 29-year-old behavioral therapist at Sandy Hook Elementary who was days away from getting engaged, and a call for courage from Vice President Joe Biden as he oversees the efforts to get reasonable gun control legislation passed.

    Yesterday’s donation was to honor the memory of 7-year-old Daniel Barden, who dreamed of being a firefighter, and a call for courage from NRA President Wayne LaPierre to support reasonable gun control legislation.

    I feel a little bit better already.

    The Sandy Hook tragedy notwithstanding, I hope everyone manages to find some peace and joy this Christmas.

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    A+ for H-Town

    Houston ranks 3rd among Texas’ best large college towns

    Amber Heckler
    Oct 22, 2026 | 1:00 pm
    University of Houston students at a football game
    University of Houston/Facebook
    Houston knows how to show out.

    Houston has entered the spotlight as the No. 3 best large college town in Texas, and it ranks in the top 25 among the largest college towns in America, a new study has proclaimed.

    To determine the best college towns, WalletHub analyzed 415 cities based on their "wallet-friendliness," social environment, and academic and economic opportunities for college graduates. Cities are ranked overall and are sorted into one of three population categories: large, midsize, and small cities.

    Houston ranked as the 24th best large college town in the U.S., and it ranked 73rd overall regardless of city size.

    Out of the three key dimensions, the Bayou City ranked highest for "wallet friendliness" — landing 89th nationally. This category examined local housing costs, student loan debt per person, the adjusted cost of living for young people, and other financial factors.

    The city stands at No. 127 nationwide for its "social environment," which compared the number of students per capita, the share of single people, crime rates, and the number of cafés, breweries, food trucks, festivals, and shopping centers per capita, among others.

    It may come as a surprise that WalletHub said Houston's academic and economic opportunities leave much to be desired. The city ranked 260th nationally in this category, which analyzed the quality of higher education, the earning potential for college graduates, unemployment rates, job growth rates, the share of part-time jobs and median income of part-time workers, and more.

    "As student living expenses can reach over $39,000 per year, it’s important to find the most bang for your buck," the report's author wrote. "Therefore, it’s best to live in a city with a reasonable cost of living, along with good academic and work opportunities. The ideal city should also provide a fun social environment to help students deal with the stress of college."

    Other top college towns in Texas
    Austin once again topped the list as the No. 1 best college town in America, boosted by the city's wealth of local colleges and universities and the local economy. The Capital City has outshone obvious contenders like Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, and Ann Arbor, Michigan, for five years in a row, and it also tops the large cities list.

    According to the report's findings, Austin has the 15th best academic and economic opportunities for college students and graduates, and the 16th best social environment. WalletHub commends Austin for having one of the lowest unemployment rates in the nation and the "34th-best annual job growth rate," while also offering students ample ways to "de-stress after class."

    "On top of that, Austin ranks 22nd in the nation for the quality of higher education among more than 400 cities in our study," the report said. "It also has the 112th-cheapest in-state tuition (including room and board), at $34,651 per year."

    Six other cities in the Lone Star State appeared on the overall list of America's best college towns: College Station (No. 37), Plano (No. 54), San Antonio (No. 72), Denton (No. 77), Lubbock (No. 83), and Fort Worth (No. 100).

    In the rankings by city size, San Antonio ranked as the No. 2 best large college town in Texas and 23rd nationwide.

    San Marcos, a college town between Austin and San Antonio, ranked as the No. 2 best small college town in Texas, and 54th best among the small colleges nationally. In the overall list regardless of city size, San Marcos ranked 132nd nationally.

    The top 10 best college towns in America for 2027 are:

    • No. 1 – Austin
    • No. 2 – Ann Arbor, Michigan
    • No. 3 – Charlottesville, Virginia
    • No. 4 – Raleigh, North Carolina
    • No. 5 – Atlanta
    • No. 6 – Tampa, Florida
    • No. 7 – San Diego
    • No. 8 – Scottsdale, Arizona
    • No. 9 – Orlando
    • No. 10 – Charleston, South Carolina
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