If my articles regularly double as read-aloud bedtime stories for your young children, here's your spoiler alert: This one's exclusively for the grownups.

The topic? Santa Claus. Past the age of 8 or 9, most of us are well aware that the world's most famous jolly old fat man doesn't exist — and that our parents were pulling the tinsel over our eyes for the first decade of our lives.

At such a tender age, we cycle through the stages of grief with enviable rapidity at the news. After all, we are children when we discover the truth. We recover nicely.

But somehow, we never regret the pretty lies our parents spun about a fictitious bloke with his reality-defying life in the North Pole.

Even as adults, we long for those days of innocence. What is Christmas now but a gift-giving frenzy marking the end of another taxing year of real life? Sure, it's about Jesus being born and stuff like that (please don't skewer me, Christians), but what about the American pastime of celebrating the religiously-independent holiday of Christmas? What about Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen?

Oh, those days of harboring a blind belief in surprise and wonder. Who wouldn't want to keep those moments alive for as long as childhood dictates?

Well, apparently not some of you.

All over Facebook and Twitter, holiday wars are raging. The subject? When to break the hearts of kids about Santa's existence (well, the lack thereof) — and who gets to do the honors.

After all, why shouldn't some random stranger in town break the news to your little tykes? We actually found a few volunteers for you.

"Santa's not real and I do my best to be an honest person. Hide ya kids!" tweeted Houston newshound Kyle Nielsen. Hmmm. We might heed that advice.

Over on Facebook, a bitter battle waged on Houstonian Melissa Wilson's wall after she expressed the same sentiment, culminating in some violent word slinging from angry parents and an ultimate removal of the original post. "I generally don't like deleting posts on FB, but that one just got way too mean-spirited for my taste," Wilson wrote.

But who needs to worry about your childless friends when local icons can do the trick?

Santa's magical ride was derailed for thousands of kiddos in the Boston area as of Tuesday night, thanks to the New England Patriots blowing his cover. "I'd like to apologize for lying for the first time on television tonight and saying that Santa wasn't real. Santa IS REAL!!!!" tweeted New England Patriots punter Zoltán Meskó.

Right, dude. Nothing like a sports hero to set your kids straight, eh?

It's one thing to hear it from the 'rents, but quite another to have crazy Auntie Julie — or an NFL punter — bursting the bubble. Sure, there's no logical reason why we protect the fallacy so fiercely, but guess what? We do. And we will. Why not spare the children from the realities of the harsh world for a little while longer? What's it hurt?

What's your policy on the sacred Santa secret? Should the kiddies know the truth from the get-go — no matter who tells — or should parents get the chance to break the spell when the time is right?

Sound off in the comments.