Hoffman's Houston
Pethouse Pet of the Week

What Pethouse Pet would have said about shoppers breaking in line and Harvey's heroes

What Pethouse Pet would have said about shoppers breaking in line

Houston, Hoffman, Larry David, August 2017
For a couple of hours on Monday, life became a scene from Curb Your Enthusiasm. Courtesy of hbo.com

The official Animal Shelter of the Penthouse Pet of the Week, Citizens for Animal Protection, is busy taking in animals abandoned during Tropical Storm Harvey. So the shelter didn't have time to gussy up a pooch and bring in a photographer from Glamour Shots this week.

So as Houston begins to dry out from Tropical Storm Harvey, and as they say on television, we return to our regular programming.

Here's what the Pethouse Pet would have said

For a couple of hours on Monday, my life became a scene from Curb Your Enthusiasm. I went shopping in my neighborhood supermarket, which looked like Russian food lines from the '50s. By the time I grabbed a few essentials, like hot dogs, frozen pizza, and baguettes, the line was back to the eggs and dairy. No choice, I joined the parade. In the back. And waited. And waited.

An hour later, I was barely in produce. And that's when it happened:

Somebody tried to pull a "Larry David Chat 'n' Cut." This clown, with a grocery cart packed over the top, stopped to talk with the guy waiting in line in front of me. The conversation continued, and pretty soon, it wasn't just a chitchat, the clown and his cart had blended into the line and were staying. Squatters rights.

After I've waited in line for an hour to buy hot dogs, maybe I'm not the most polite and gracious person. I suggested to the Chat 'n' Cutters, as nicely as I could, get the (insert F-bomb) to the back of the line or I will go crazy and we'll all end up on CNN.

Like Kenny Rogers' song "Coward of the County" ... "sometimes you gotta fight when you're a man."

Speaking of doing what's right 

Trivia question: What do these people have in common - Rockets owner Les Alexander, J.J. Watt, Mattress Mack, Jim Crane, and many more true community LEADERS have in common? They didn't wait to be "asked" to help Houstonians get through the floods of Tropical Storm Harvey.

They just did.

Some advice for one who didn't 

At least get your story straight before you go on TV and explain yourself. Doesn't look good when your lame excuse keeps changing.