Trendysomething in SoMo

To be, or not to be the Sassy Gay Friend

Doing my best impression of an SGF

Photo by Justin Bogert
SGF, squared
Ah, the 90's, when SGFs were so edgy.
Tracie "One D at a Time" and Rich Juzwiak of Pot Psychology
SGF, depicted in trendy earth tones

Replacing the ubiquitous water cooler as officeplace conversation incubator is the online exchange of distracting YouTube videos. Not only is it a careful art to balance productivity with viewing your friends' assigned videos, but pretending to watch said videos requires a whole new level of savvy.

After an instant message link is dispatched, I wait a solid 60 seconds before I respond with an implied virtual laughter to convince the conversant that I am indeed completely unoccupied with work, and free to watch clips of cats performing the role of public transit all day. A simple "LOL" or "haha" comes off as impersonal and may too easily reveal your disinterest. Instead, say "OMG where did you find this?," (without reading the response), or better yet, misspell "haha" to convey that you are so overcome by riotous laughter that you are unable to type straight.

Yes, the vast majority of YouTube clips exchanged between friends from nine to five bring little more than a chuckle to the table. But a month ago, I came across a literary comedy sketch with some particularly poignant social commentary: The Sassy Gay Friend.

It's an odd, yet successful pairing: Hapless, moody Shakespearean damsels in distress intervened by a stereotypically "sassy" gay friend who comes to dispense harsh judgments ("I think you're an idiot. You took a roofie from a priest. Look at your life. Look at your choices.") before saving the day. The Chicago comedy troupe Second City has also produced clips of Othello and Hamlet, in which the SGF storms into the climactic scene declaring, "What are you doing?! What, what, what are you doing?"

In the videos, Juliet, Desdemona and Ophelia are the Renaissance incarnations of the 21st-century fag hag, forlorn and eager to be called a slut, complimented for her hair and be told, "You're a stupid bitch." Unlike the unfortunate hag-along stereotype, the women share robust love lives and good complexions.

Yet the heroines' otherwise put-togetherness is not so different from the modern day fagnet. A recent study by Nancy Bartlett out of Mount Saint Vincent University (apparently Nova Scotia is a fag hag hotbed) indicates that many women report enhanced self-esteem and feelings of attractiveness as a result of attention from their gay friends. The stereotype says that these women are not compensating for a lack of romantic attention from straight men; the friendships are indeed not a refuge from the harsh world of heterosexual social situations — much in the way gay men hide in relationships with their dogs.

The tragedy is a myth, as reported recently in the veritable Scientific American: There is no link between a woman's relationship status, the number of times she'd been on the receiving end of a breakup, or her body esteem and the number of gay male friends in her life. In fact the study refers to this section of women as "culturally robust": The French refer to such women as soeurettes ("Little Sisters"), the German brand them as Schwulen-Muttis ("Gay Moms"), and the Mexican slang is "joteras" (jota being a term for "fag").

Having diminished the negative connotations surrounding the SGF's leading ladies, it's important to get to the low-lighted roots below the social construct of the SGF. After hours spent at the local library, I determined that the historic precedent is not far off from Shakespeare's times, and may be traced to Renaissance-era Florence. The original SGF is none other than Leonardo da Vinci, a man who devoted his life to art, hung out with "fabulous" wealthy women, and when he was my exact age, was arrested for sodomy. I can easily imagine Leo calling Mona Lisa a "stupid bitch" as they clinked cosmos.

Somewhere between da Vinci and Queen Elizabeth II knighting Elton John, something went awry, leaving recent years with less admirable examples of the SGF. The late 1990s presented TV audiences with such stereotypically gay characters as Jack from Will & Grace and Stanford and Anthony in Sex and the City: Loud, superficial accessories to their female leads.

Ironically, the Sassy Gay Friend depicted in the Shakespeare interpretations is not making fun of gay men, but is a satire of the sort of camp gay men the media subscribes to. The character, played by Brian Gallivan, flits into a room wearing a terribly tight calico top and signature tinseled orange scarf, and after a two-minute diatribe in a fake New York accent, whisks away the drama queen, presumably to get manis and buy out the Galleria.

Indeed, it's a simple YouTube video, but once the laughter dies down, certain questions arise. Is SGF the heroine's fashion accessory or savior? Is he the embodiment of negative stereotypes or the presentation of a legitimate cultural archetype? And what does it say about our society that has created this character out of an already-marginalized populace?

Perhaps what spurred this list of questions was not the (miniscule) cultural impact of the video, but determining to what extent I personally identified with the man with the orange scarf. I, too, find myself surrounded by pretty girls with problems, but to avert the stereotype, find myself holding back those judgmental declarations and blunt advice that these women so desperately require. On many occasion, I've held my tongue from such statements as: "Just because you had a coupon doesn't mean that you should have gotten highlights," "Quit spending your entire paycheck at Forever 21 and save up for a nose job," "Is that designer cupcake really worth it?" and the classic, "Please stop dating assholes."

Attempting to avert the stereotype and instead appear "laid back" is a full-time job, and so I look to celebrity blogger Rich Juzwiak, who also co-stars in Jezebel's Pot Psychology series, in which he doles out advice while toking with his token woman who likes men who like men, Tracie. Rich is so much more dynamic than just an SGF; he's also down to earth, a stoner and racially ambiguous.

Oddly enough, Rich proves that an archetype is different from a stereotype, just as Madea isn't every black woman, or how Latinos don't talk like the Taco Bell chihuahua. It seems that the best option is to dabble a little in SGF territory, but maintain one's own authentic character — own it, and grow it. Because that sass is going to come in handy when you're caught not watching your friends' favorite YouTube videos.

Watch the original installment of Sassy Gay Friend: Romeo and Juliet:

Watch a "Best Of" edition of Pot Psychology:

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pet protection

What Texas pet owners need to know about the dangerous New World screwworm

Photo by Helena Jankovičová Kováčová/Pexels

Make sure these guys are up on their flea and tick meds.

Two New World screwworm cases in dogs are among more than 30 confirmed instances in Texas and New Mexico, prompting warnings Wednesday, July 8 from veterinarians and humane societies that pet owners need to remain vigilant to protect their animals.

The parasite reappeared in cattle in the U.S. in June, more than 50 years after it had been largely eradicated from the country. The pest is actually the larvae of the New World screwworm fly. It eats live flesh and fluids rather than dead material, as the larvae of most fly species do.

Here is what to know about the parasite, the threat it poses to pets and how to protect them:

Screwworm fly larvae can infest any mammal
The fly's migration north from Panama starting in 2024, and through Mexico in 2025, has agriculture officials warning that it poses a threat to the $113 billion U.S. cattle industry, but the larvae can hatch and breed in any mammal, including wildlife, dogs, cats and occasionally humans.

The problem develops when a female fly lays its eggs in open wounds and mucus. After the eggs hatch, the larvae feed for about a week before maturing, dropping to the ground and continuing to develop into an adult fly.

The American Veterinary Medical Association says newborn animals and animals with open wounds or who have undergone surgery or other medical procedures recently are especially vulnerable. Even a tick bite can host an infestation, Aaron Grady, executive director of the Houston Humane Society shelter, said during a webinar on the screwworm.

Screwworm fly The goal is to stop these flies from successfully breeding.Photo by U.S. Department of Agriculture

Infestation signs include restlessness and bad smell
Animal health experts say pet owners in areas where the screwworm is present — southern and southwestern Texas and southeastern New Mexico so far — should watch their animals closely and examine them for wounds, cuts and bites regularly.

Pet owners should look for any maggots or movement in a wound. Other signs include a foul smell and restlessness or anxiety in an animal, or an animal “hyper-fixating on looking or chewing in a certain area of the body," said Melissa Stansell, a veterinarian at the shelter Austin Pets Alive!

Any one of those is reason enough to go to a veterinarian. The affected animal is likely in a great deal of pain, and that can cause death from shock. The larvae also can cause death if they move into vital organs or by causing infections that turn deadly.

Flea, tick medications can stop an infestation
Humane society officials and veterinarians said shelters across Texas are trying to prevent infestations in animals by giving them prescription flea and tick medications. They recommend that pet owners do the same.

“It will kill the larvae as they ingest the blood and tissue,” Stansell said. “The chemical compositions of those products are what kill the actual larval stages of these flies.”

Veterinarians also can treat infestations and animals can recover if pet owners contact them quickly. Stansell said the treatment could include antibiotics.

“It is only fatal if left untreated,” she said.

An effort to eradicate the fly again is underway
The New World screwworm fly is a tropical species and decades ago would disappear each year when colder weather arrived with the fall or winter.

But state and U.S. Department of Agriculture officials aren't waiting for the weather to turn. They've returned to an eradication method that worked decades ago, breeding sterile male flies and releasing them into the wild. The female New World screwworm fly mates once in her monthslong life, and if her partner is sterile, her eggs won't hatch — causing the population in an area to drop and then disappear.

For years, the only factory breeding sterile flies in the Western Hemisphere was in Panama, but the USDA invested $21 million to convert a site in southern Mexico from breeding fruit flies to recently start breeding screwworm flies. The agency also plans to spend $750 million on a new fly factory in Texas, set to open next year.

screwworm fly pets