Hoffman's Houston
phoning it in

Ken Hoffman on Super Bowl shills and cell services phoning it in

Ken Hoffman on Super Bowl shills and cell services phoning it in

Person using a smart phone
Is there an app to deal with terrible cell phone stores? Photo courtesy of Dallas Yoga Center

Don't you love sports radio stations that broadcast from Radio Row at the Super Bowl? What a waste of a week.

Typical segment: "Our next guest is Hall of Fame legend Tony Fullback. Great to have you on the show, Tony. Who are you picking in the big game Sunday?"

Tony Football: "Thanks for having me on the show. By the way, I'm here representing Ace Testosterone Shots. If you want to feel like a real man again, you need to see us about getting your testosterone levels up.

You'll feel like a tiger, and trust me, she'll know the difference, too. You see that hot babe over there? That's my girl. You think she likes me for my good looks? Nah, she's with me because of the testosterone shots from Ace. Make an appointment today, okay?

Now...what was the question?"

Stupid stock answers
My blood pressure spiked to a million over a billion this week. I bought a new phone from my local AT&T store. I asked the salesperson, "I use a lot of apps, does this phone have enough storage for me?"

The salesperson said, "It should be enough, but if it isn't, just buy a memory card and you can expand your storage by as much as you want."

Okay, so I take the phone home, install about 10 apps and I'm out of storage. I go buy a memory card. Unfortunately, most apps only work on internal storage, not external storage. This phone is useless to me. I took it back to the AT&T store, and told a different salesperson that I needed to return the phone and buy a more expensive one with more internal storage.

The salesperson said, "No problem, but I'll have to charge you a $45 restocking fee for the first phone."

Seriously? Your salesman gave me bad information and sold me a phone that wasn't suitable for my needs, and you want to charge me $45 to "restock" it? This thing is the size of a deck of cards. Where does it go?

"I'll restock it for you and charge you the $45, how's that?"

Now, instead of ripping me off like you do everybody else, why don't you work on DirecTV so my picture doesn't conk out whenever it drizzles in Conroe? And my internet service is horrible, does this concern you?

This is why people hate you. You're the worst.