The Arkansas Game and Fish Commission can say whatever they want, but it's not every day that 4,000 blackbirds fall out of the sky unless you're playing a seriously intense game of Angry Birds.

That's what happened late Friday night in the town of Beebe, and though theories including fireworks, high-altitude hail, lightning and a massive mid-air collision have been mentioned, no one really knows yet what the cause was.

But it gets even weirder: Fisherman in another part of the state have found 100,000 drum fish washed up dead along a 20-mile stretch of the Arkansas River.

Though officials suspect disease caused the demise of the fish (noting that only one species in the river was affected), we can only see one cause: Divine retribution.

While we aren't sure what Arkansas has done to specifically anger any all-powerful deity (insert "Bill Clinton" or "Mike Huckabee" as befits your political leanings), we feel strongly that there's more to come.

So look out, citizens of Arkansas. Regard any of the following plagues as confirmation that there's something rotten in Little Rock.

1. Frogs. A classic plague that never goes out of style, frogs are both gross, plentiful and associated with evil forces. A solid, if squishy, choice.

2. Bedbugs. Already an infestation in high-falutin' New York City, bedbugs are even worse than locusts, ruining not crops but your clothes, your mattress and your mental state. I know a bedbugs survivor who has raised them to Voldemort status, so shaken by the experience she can only reference the subject as "that which cannot be named."

3. Palins. Bristol might have bought a home in Arizona, but if Sarah Palin's Alaska is renewed it could spawn follow ups in every state in Real America, alphabetically. Think Sarah and Co. will come, get a bunch of attention and then go back home quietly?

Well how did that work for the mainstream Republican party? Before long Arkansans will be longing for the days when the only reality stars in the state were Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie.

4. Spam. Ok: We've already seen mass death of birds and fish, so surely the rest of the edible Arkansas wildlife can't be far behind. And with the decline of fresh protein, the people will be forced to turn to canned mystery meat. Nothing falls from the sky, but that's a plague in and of itself.

5. Hipsters. Whether they'll be migrating south from the booming music scenes of Omaha and Minneapolis or attracted to the state from Brooklyn by the Crystal Bridges Museum, hipsters will invade, bringing with them an endless craving for PBR, coonskin accessories and ironic tattoos.

They'll rid the Johnny Cash in the jukebox in favor of their friend's band's EP from Portland and will generally ruin anything good and decent within 25 miles of Little Rock.