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    a supposedly fun thing

    Best of Ken Hoffman: Galveston casino boat sails into uncharted waters

    Ken Hoffman
    Aug 7, 2024 | 2:48 pm

    Editor's note: After the sudden death of beloved columnist Ken Hoffman on July 14, CultureMap is republishing some of our favorite "Hoffman's Houston" columns. Here's Ken telling the hilarious story of a gambling cruise gone wrong; it was originally published on June 5, 2017.

    It hasn’t exactly been smooth sailing for the Jacks or Better gambling boat in Galveston.

    The boat’s maiden voyage was April 6. Between rough seas that canceled more than a dozen departures, damage from hitting a buoy that put the boat in dry dock several days, and seasick guests backing up toilets and sinks with vomit … the boat is looking for calmer waters this summer.

    Jacks or Better has sailings scheduled every day, and twice on Fridays and Saturdays. The cruises generally take between six and seven hours. Tickets are $15, including two free drink tickets.

    It’s about a one-hour drive from Houston to Galveston. You want to arrive a half-hour early, a built-in safety against those inexplicable traffic jams on I-45. (“It’s 2 pm on Tuesday, why is traffic backed up?”) Once the boat leaves port, it takes about 1-1/2 hours to reach federal waters, 9.1 miles offshore, where it’s legal for the captain to say, “Let the games begin.” The boat has 180 slot machines and tables for shootout poker, blackjack, craps, chuck-a-luck, and other games.

    It’s supposed to have sports wagering, where you can bet on any college or pro event anywhere in the world, from French Open tennis to World Cup soccer to Aussie cricket to American baseball and football games. Supposedly.

    Ready to set sail? A friend and I recently boarded the Jacks or Better boat for a Saturday afternoon cruise. We’ll have to call my friend “Oscar.” I can’t use his real name because he lied to his boss to get off work that day. This is the kind of friends I have.

    Before sailing, I took to Yelp and read horror story reviews about passengers getting seasick on the boat, complete with nasty photos of clogged toilets. There were some positive, fun-filled reviews, too. It all depended on how rough the seas were that day.

    Not taking chances, Oscar and I popped a couple of Dramamine motion sickness pills – the “All Day Less Drowsy” formula – an hour before departure.

    The boat is 150 feet long and can hold 360 passengers and 54 crew members. I’m guessing that most of the passengers didn’t know about the 3- to 4-foot seas predicted that day.

    Passengers began climbing aboard and some immediately cashed in their two free drink tickets. They’ll pay for that later.

    The Jacks or Better boat has three decks. The first deck is covered with slot machines. The second deck has gaming tables and a snack bar offering burgers, nachos, chicken sandwiches, Buffalo wings, and “Galveston cheesesteaks.” The most expensive item on the menu is $8. The upstairs, open-air observation deck has lounge chairs and live entertainment. On my cruise, there was karaoke.

    As George Costanza said on Seinfeld, – “The sea was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli.”

    Wobbly and woozy
    Thirty minutes into the trip, the boat got wobbly and passengers got woozy. Warning: Here’s where this column gets pretty graphic. If you’re reading this while eating, stop doing one of them.

    I’ve seen fewer sick people in the Ben Taub Hospital emergency room. Crew members began roaming the boat with trays piled high with sickness bags and crackers. Like waiters serving hors d’oeuvres at a wedding party. Passengers were stumbling aimlessly, bumping into furniture and slamming into walls, like babies taking their first steps, or town drunk Otis Campbell on The Andy Griffith Show.

    People were puking in public, there was no time for shame. A guy at the snack bar was calmly eating spicy Buffalo wings while a man sitting next to him was retching into a vomit bag.

    Never saw that before.

    I counted only 22 people actually gambling. Most were upstairs with their faces in a paper bag, or passed out on the floor, or sleeping with their heads pressed against a slot machine. That can’t possibly feel good.

    Jacks or Better has a policy: If you get seasick during the cruise, upon returning to shore, the company will give you a free pass for another trip, plus a $20 chip to use at a gaming table. If you’re thinking of going on the gambling boat, you might want to click at jacksorbettercasino.com first to check on sailing conditions. The Gulf of Mexico typically is much calmer during June, July, and August. “In two weeks, the water will be like glass,” I was told.

    I asked a crew member, "Where do I place a sports bet?" I was told to “See that guy over there.” My whole reason for taking this voyage from hell (tip of the Hatlo Hat to Richard Lewis) was to place a parlay bet: Rafael Nadal to win the French Open and the Astros to win that night’s game. Betting on the Astros this season is like stealing money.

    The sports manager told me, “Sorry, our sports machines haven’t arrived yet. They’ll be here in a few weeks.”

    You mean I got on this seasick infirmary for nothing?

    Much, much worse
    And that’s when things turned for the much, much worse.

    Oscar and I grabbed a table at the snack bar to wait out the cruise. Five minutes later, and I swear this happened, a man staggered toward us. His face was green. He was ready to blow like Mount St. Helens. But instead of finishing his journey to the restroom, he collapsed into a chair at MY TABLE (good name for a magazine) and let fly.

    That’s when I lost it – my temper, not my lunch. Remember I took a couple of Dramamine. I bolted up and screamed at him, “That’s disgusting. What’s wrong with you? Why didn’t you go to the bathroom and do that?”

    The guy could barely lift his head. “I couldn’t help it.”

    A crew member, carrying a bucket and mop, apologized for this incident. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”

    I asked him, “This is some job you have. What do you use to get puke out of carpet?”

    Here’s your household hint of the day (Hello, Heloise.) The Jacks or Better crew uses D-VOUR Absorbent Powder, which “devours liquids such as spilled bodily fluids as it eliminated odors.” They must buy it by the case at Costco.

    So many passengers were sick, and so few gambling, that the captain decided to cut the cruise short by an hour and head back to land.

    I didn’t see anybody asking for their free ticket and $20 chip to come back.


    The Jacks or Better boat takes gamblers into federal waters from Galveston.

    Jacks or Better gambling boat casino
    Courtesy photo
    The Jacks or Better boat takes gamblers into federal waters from Galveston.
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    bayou views galore

    Inside Houston’s art-filled, staycation spot with a rooftop pool and posh spa

    Emily Cotton
    Aug 28, 2026 | 1:25 pm
    Thompson Hotel Houston pool deck
    Courtesy of Thompson Hotel Houston
    Lucinda Loya designed the one-acre seventh floor pool deck.

    In the nearly two years since making its Houston debut, the towering Thompson Hotel has cemented itself as the go-to staycation spot for the glitzy glass tower crowd. The 36-story building — complete with helipad — along Allen Parkway is perfectly positioned to accommodate a widely-varying array of tastes and sensibilities.

    Thompson Hotels fly under the Hyatt banner, with this particular project being owned and developed by DC Partners, interiors directed by Abel Design, with the exception of the pool deck space, which has been designed by Lucinda Loya.

    The hotel itself occupies floors 1-15, with owner-occupied luxury condominiums settled over top. With fully separate entrances, it’s easy to forget that one or the other exists, a move that was surely intentional.

    An art gallery on Allen Parkway

    It doesn’t take long for guests to realize that the Thompson is decidedly as much of an art gallery as it is a hotel — a trend that has been picking up speed over the years. The hotel's art collection was curated by Claudia Contreras in collaboration with the development and ownership team at DC Partners.

    Upon arrival, hotel guests are greeted at the valet stand by a striking display of seven bronze sculptures — Las 7 Cabezas, by renowned Mexican sculptor Javier Marín — that serve as a sort of amuse-bouche to the proverbial feast for the eyes that awaits ahead. Marín’s work, celebrated for its exploration of the human form, identity, and transformation, masterfully blends classical techniques with contemporary expression.

    Stepping inside, guests encounter another mesmerizing installation — Ichwan Noor’s 1953 Beetle Sphere. This surreal sculptural masterpiece transforms a classic Volkswagen Beetle into a perfectly-compressed sphere, merging automotive engineering with conceptual art.

    The extensive collection also includes a variety of mediums and styles from both emerging and renowned artists. Highlights include John Zinsser's surrealist enamel and oil on canvas, displayed near the resident elevators on the fifth floor, and Adam Fuss’s unique silver gelatin print photogram. Works from international talents, like Francois Fressinier's oil and mixed media works from France and Bjorn Sjogren’s paintings on paper from Sweden, bring diverse perspectives to the space.

    Peppered throughout the property, guests will find curated selections like The Wall, a rare and powerful exhibition of 17 original limited-edition lithographs by Alexander Calder, Joan Miró, and Picasso — a stunning display of modern masters that sets an extraordinary artistic tone. Also, be sure to keep an eye out for pieces by Dana Piazza, Bogdan Mihai, Bjorn Sjogren, Jamali, Arno Bruse, Yoel Benharrouche, Alessandra Cola, and Celine Chouvenc.

    Distinctive indoor-outdoor spaces

    After their initial arrival, guests are whisked away to the lobby on the seventh floor, which operates as the de facto social hub of the hotel. Intricate tile murals underfoot paired with soaring ceilings and sweeping views lend a sense of contemporary modernity to a hotel whose brand identity typically lies strongly within the stylistic boundaries of the midcentury aesthetic.

    The seventh floor is home to the lobby, library, and lounge spaces at one end, mirrored by the hotel’s indoor/outdoor elevated casual fare restaurant and bar Sol 7 and the impressive one-acre rooftop terrace and pool deck. It’s worth noting that it is this author’s opinion that the nighttime view of downtown from the pool deck is superior to all others. Aided by lush palms and the soothing sounds of water flowing through the infinity pool, the sparkle of glistening city lights is decidedly transformative.

    “The pool deck is one of the biggest in Houston. It’s an acre in size,” explains Thompson Houston’s director of sales and marketing Lisa Hudson. “We have the infinity pool overlooking downtown, which is amazing. Then there is a 2,500-square-foot event space on the Sol 7 green that’s for parties or just to enjoy. It’s a hot spot, especially during the summer months in Houston.”

    Unlike the rest of the hotel, the pool deck was designed by interior designer Lucinda Loya, who went as far as to design custom tile for the pool’s interior. The playful pattern seems innocent enough at first glance, but eagle-eyed guests are in for a cheeky surprise. The furniture — all from award-winning interiors powerhouse BeDesign in Montrose — is all from luxury Italian yacht furniture manufacturer Paola Lenti, save for the private cabanas, which are Gandia Blasco.

    Loya’s use of various textures and wovens in shades of bright citrus lend a refreshing poolside respite from what is essentially a sea of black and white. Her use of color injects a vibrancy that harkens to the Thompson brand’s midcentury identity, which is not always fully defined throughout the property.

    “Great hospitality design should transport you, and I wanted the Thompson pool to feel like its own escape in the heart of Houston — warm, sophisticated, with a little surprise,” Loya shares with CultureMap. “For the custom printed porcelain pool interior, I created a 1950s pin-up-inspired design as a playful nod to the hotel’s midcentury roots. It’s an unexpected detail. It gives the pool its own personality and makes the experience feel completely unique.”

    The somewhat seamless indoor/outdoor relationship between Sol 7 and the pool deck lends an element of resort-style charm that has a way of disarming guests of any reclusive tendencies. Conversations flow freely between tables and lounge areas as snacks and libations stretch on into dinner service with new friends. The combination of tropical flora and fauna, downtown views, seventh floor breezes, and comfortable surroundings make for an unmatched experience along the bayou.

    Amenities galore

    After a long day at the pool, unwind in one of the 172 guest rooms, 34 of which are suites. Guests may choose between downtown views and the treetops, trails, and monuments across the street at Buffalo Bayou Park — one hotel, two completely different vibes. The guest rooms at The Thompson are where the midcentury aesthetic finally comes to life. The furniture and surrounding surfaces beam in warm wooden tones, richly-textured upholstery, green-stamped leathers, quirky lighting, and smoky glass and metallic features. Not to mention the unmistakable beauty of a Thompson Hotel wooden room key.

    “We have the views of downtown and are literally across the street from Buffalo Bayou Park, which is 160 acres,” says Hudson. “What’s so nice is that from all of our guest rooms and suites, you can see how we’re paying homage to the outdoors by having a lot of earthy tones, green hues, wood paneling, and a very mid-century flair.”

    The bathrooms are generously proportioned and offer a separate vanity area, complete with seating and illuminated mirrors. This rare guest room feature is one that is most appreciated by those who prefer not to be relegated to sitting crisscross-applesauce on the ground, nearest to the full-length mirror that is invariably situated near the least flattering lighting in the room.

    Full-size bath products are by Bowmakers, while towels are from Concier. Guest robes are a playful take on the quintessential hooded sweatshirt — full length, generously sized, and distinctively made of sweatshirt material. So if soft, super-plush is the ideal, this robe is its fun, sporty cousin.

    Rooms come equipped with travel steamers, but an iron and ironing board can be requested from housekeeping. Additionally, each room offers the latest edition of Texas Monthly for guests to enjoy.

    Each floor includes a “hydration station,” offering free-flowing flat and sparkling water, plus ice. Stations also include the monthly events calendar to keep guests informed of hotel offerings like “floating yoga” and happy hour sessions. The gym at The Thompson is quite impressive, but if something extra-specialized is required, guests have full access to EōS gym just across the parking lot.

    Relax at the spa

    If poolside social activities and dates with the gym don’t fit the criteria, perhaps the spa will do the trick. The Thompson Spa offers an extensive menu of services as well as the option to enjoy some reflective quiet time in the grounding room. Floor-to-ceiling windows face the park, allowing guests to feel at one with nature, far removed from the sounds of the city streets. Here, the robes are very plush and individual lounge chairs are outfitted with a fluffy pillow and blanket.

    The spa offers complimentary refreshments before and after services. Sip on custom blended hot teas like white-peach and champagne and berries from J’enwey Tea Co — or perhaps try the proprietary Thompson Signature Black tea. Iced tea and champagne are also on offer, as well as apothecary jars filled with healthy snacks. Spa shower and bath products are by Oslo-based Sprekenhus.

    Whether it’s a combination of pool days and spa treatments, or workouts paired with a ride through the park trails on one of the hotel’s vintage-inspired Blue Jay electric bikes, The Thompson offers something for everyone. The staff are incredibly friendly, knowledgeable, and eager to help. If an offsite dinner or activity is required, a hotel car will take guests anywhere within a three mile radius. Not really sure what to do? Concierge Randal Meredith will be sure to sort it out.

    With the summer season coming to a close and fireplace weather creeping closer and closer, it’ll be nice to have a sleek spot with incredible views to enjoy with a drink with friends or to curl up with a book. “Thompsons in general are known as a home away from home, and you can feel that residential vibe when coming into the library area and sitting in the coziness next to the bookshelves,” says Hudson.

    ----

    Thompson Hotel House; 1717 Allen Pkwy; Rates start at $389.

    Thompson Hotel Houston pool deck

    Courtesy of Thompson Hotel Houston

    Lucinda Loya designed the one-acre seventh floor pool deck.

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