Beyond The Boxscore
Matt Schaub, the Texans' incredible shrinking quarterback, needs some Tom Bradyhair fight 'tude
Matt Schaub needs to get more involved in making sure the plays in the gameplanallow him to gunsling.
Contrary to popular opinion, Brian Cushing was not the missing difference makerfor the Texans most of this season.Photo by Bill Baptist
Arian Foster's early success has obscured the real truth.
The Texans will still only go as far as their passing attack takes them.
Schaub doesn't need to help drive an elite receiver out of town by starting asilly feud like Tom Brady reportedly did with Randy Moss. He just needs to takeback the offense.
Matt Schaub is as low maintenance an NFL star as has ever existed. The guys in leather helmets threw more diva fits than the Houston Texans' nearly $10 million-a-year quarterback.
Schaub will never tweet in the restricted time, drawing the ire of NFL commissioner Roger Goodell a la Terrell Owens. He'll certainly never get in a silly hair feud with his top receiver like Tom Brady. (Of course, it's hard to fight over hair when you don't have any.)
Still, Schaub is the kid who'd give you his own lunch if you forgot yours all grown up. He's all good manners and little ego. You sometimes wonder if he even remembers he's an NFL star.
Well, the Houston Texans need Schaub to get total recall — and at least a little bit of star's snarl — quick. In the wake of the New York Giants 34-10 dismantling of everyone's favorite darkhorse AFC championship contender Sunday afternoon at Reliant Stadium, Houston clearly, desperately requires a star infusion.
Forget the Texans' defensive woes for a moment — even if that's like trying to forget a guy in a Scream mask banishing a knife in your kitchen. Yes, the Texans secondary could make Cooper Manning — the third Manning brother who works for an energy company — look like an NFL Hall of Famer, let alone Peyton or Eli. But, if anyone with a modicum of sense, knew that Houston's defense was going to be as shaky as Lindsay Lohan faced with a drug test. (Yes, that late defensive run last year was a product of the schedule.)
Let's also dismiss Texans coach Gary Kubiak's valiant, standup attempt to take the blame for this one. Kubiak calls "my fault" so often that the heartfelt tries border on a Saturday Night Live skit.
"It's time to look at myself,' Kubiak said in his postgame press conference.
And then the coach should move onto the real issue. This isn't a Kubiak problem. The Texans weren't out coached. They were out starred.
Which brings us back to Schaub.
No matter what the stats said through the first four games of the season, Arian Foster is not the second coming of Barry Sanders. Or even Matt Forte. When this season shakes out, the Texans are still going to be a pass-dependant team. They're going to win or lose by Schaub.
Houston must have the gunslinger who threw for almost 5,000 yards last season, if not in volume, in attitude. Schaub's never came close to making a difference against the Giants and that goes far beyond his 47.1 completion percentage or the measly 196 yards the Texans recorded through the air despite playing most of the afternoon in desperate catch-up mode.
Seemingly on the cusp of stardom, Schaub has turned into the incredible shrinking quarterback. And it's about time more than his fantasy football owners fret over this.
Schaub's played like Schaub — at least who we thought Matt Schaub was — for essentially only two-and-a-half quarters through five games this season. That second half run into overtime against the Washington Redskins, that frantic rally win when every pressure pass seemed to be right on the money, was it.
Things have often been stacked against Schaub. His lifeline target Andre Johnson has been in and out of the lineup, his left tackle pulled a Cushing and got himself suspended four games for performance enhancing drugs, his coaches fell in love with Foster. But mostly, Schaub just seems to have forgotten that he's one of stars.
You probably don't have to be a complete jerk to excel as an NFL quarterback (though pompous legend Dan Marino may disagree). You certainly need not nag your No. 1 target about cutting his beard and then throw a hissy fit when that proud man (Randy Moss) fires back that you should worry about your own tussled mop of long hair.
But if Schaub isn't going to go Brady, he probably should consider reasserting his role in the offensive meeting rooms.
Schaub needs to take the Texans offense back, to put the game on his arm. Talk about balance all you want, but that's still when Houston is most fearsome to the rest of the NFL. Arian Foster will never keep opposing defensive players up at night. Schaub, Johnson, Kevin Walter and Jacoby Jones (when healthy) can.
No matter what silliness you heard leading up to the Giants debacle, linebacker Brian Cushing is not the missing difference maker on this team.
Somehow Cushing morphed into a combination of Lawrence Taylor and Dick Butkus while he served his four-game suspension for taking performance enhancing drugs. The gushing stories this week detailing the impact in "attitude", the "fiery" Cushing would have on the Texans' defense would have been laughed off the page in many NFL cities.
But this is Houston and we so desperately want to believe.
Schaub had never really given anyone any reason to doubt. The quarterback's not some pumped-up USC creation with one good cloudy season under his jersey. Schaub led the NFL in passing yards last season, some great quarterbacks never do that.
But that Schaub was no where to be found on a day when a tempered tailgate didn't stop Texans fans from booing their team off the field at halftime. Even when given openings he never should have had, Schaub stumbled.
Eli Manning made one of the worst decisions you'll ever see from a quarterback leading 24-3 in the third quarter, forcing a pass into coverage while under pressure in his own end. Rookie cornerback Kareem Jackson picked it off and the Texans quickly converted under Schaub as Johnson played magician on a low throw. Suddenly, it was a 24-10 game and Reliant roared in anticipation.
That was it though. The Texans were done for the day.
No more offense. No more hope.
So now Houston sits at 3-2 and suddenly the possibility of being just good enough to miss the playoffs in the most heartbreakingly way possible has reentered the picture. The only way that changes is if the old Matt Schaub comes back into the frame.
Low maintenance is great in girlfriends. It's not always ideal in quarterbacks. Sometimes the leader needs to be a prick.
"We weren't good at all today in any phase," Kubiak said.
Only one of them is an easy fix though. If Matt Schaub decides to get a little nasty, to remember who he's supposed to be.
Paul Juda on parallel bars for the University of Michigan team.Photo by John Cheng