"Since you are far more cultured than I am I was wondering if you could help me out. I am planning on attending a party to celebrate the end of the world this weekend and I was wondering what I should wear. The invite didn't specify attire," inquired Alex Wukman, Houston editor for Free Press Houston.

Since it's for the actual Apocalypse and not simply an Apocalypse-themed party, Wukman wondered whether a tux or tails was appropriate for post-Rapture partying. Should one dress for style or comfort?

Inspired by his Facebook posting, I decided to compile this "special Rapture edition" guide to etiquette, fashion and frolic. Not one to keep up with this stuff, however, and obviously NOT going to Heaven, I initially missed the point that it won't exactly be the end of the world quite yet.

It seems that at 6 p.m. on Saturday, the world will experience Rapture in which the good guys are going away. True believers and those who've never inhaled or fathered a child with household help will be swept up into the arms of Jesus "and so shall we ever be with the Lord," as the Bible assures. And that's really nice.

The "big A" comes five months after Judgment Day. Wouldn't you know it? Just as the weather cools off in Houston.

If this is the case, instead of worrrying about canned goods, barbecue mits and hard hats as if we were characters in The Road, we need to focus on our party clothes for Jesus. I think He'll want to see us all in white, like angels. I would recommend the new Ralph Lauren white pencil skirt and matching tee, very stylish, worn with the cutest heavenly blue drape neck cardigan. Guys, you should go for the white linen look, high-style slacks and shirts that are best found in the waterfront boutiques of St. Bart's and Portofino.

No need to worry with hostess gifts if the party-throwers are "pure" — as in evangelicals and fundamentalists. They won't be around to enjoy the flowers or vino anyway and you would have spent that money for nothing. Sheeesh!

The upside — no thank you notes required.

Party planners keep in mind that a start time after, say, 5:45 p.m. will be for naught as the squeaky clean partygoers will be gone by 6. Then again, think of all the fun people who will be left behind — the drunkards, the sinners and Dominique Strauss-Kahn (unless of course the whole sexual assault thing was a carefully-orchestrated deception by French intelligence).

My recommendation, if you are not sure where you stand in Jesus' eyes (P.S. if you're not sure you're probably not taking the speedy escalator to the sky) is to wear your summer whites and pack a bag. No style worries as it's almost Memorial Day. Fill the bag with your Apocalypse gear just in case.

My advice for Alex is more about practicality than Apocalypse style. If this is the real end-of-the-world coming, then steel-toed boots and fireproof socks will be a must along with a hard hat to protect from whatever is falling from the sky. Barbecue mitts would be a good choice as we know everything will be too hot to handle. And instead of thinking canned goods as Alex considered, think old-fashion can openers. Now that would be a savvy hostess gift for the heathen on your dance card.

And, what the hell, depending on when the bad stuff starts, you might want to move into one of the swell homes vacated by wealthy purists who are joining Jesus. I have dibs on Joel Osteen's River Oaks playpen. But then again, if tobacco lawyer John Eddie Williams is on the fast track to heaven, I might take his River Oaks palace instead, as he has a really cool, well-stocked wine cellar