Now that's a beer belly
Stealth drinking: The best gadgets to help you hide your habit
Some people say one of the signs of alcoholism is the compulsion to hide your drinking from others.
I say they’ve never known the total boredom of a dry wedding (nothing a bottle of wine in your over-sized purse can’t fix), the benefit of adding Jim Beam to your soft drink at a college football game (stick a flask in your boot and suddenly the score doesn’t matter so much), or the warmth a sip of Franzia can provide at the top of a ski slope (carry a Franzia pouch in your hip sack and you're sure to stay nice and "toasty").
I'm sure there have been times when you, too, have justifiably hidden your booze ... or wished you had. The common flask has always been the go-to device for stealth sippage, but we found some innovative alternatives for squirreling away your spirit of choice.
The Beer Belly
So what if you show up to your next event with a spare tire around your waist? Holidays present a perfect excuse for the extra pounds (even if it's President's Day) — I'm milking that excuse for all it's worth.
The Beer Belly holds up to 80 ounces; that’s more than a six-pack of beer. Drink the whole thing and that gut will go from faux to bonafide.
Two separate 10-ounce bladders, customized to maintain their flat shape even while full, hang from a belt in front of your thighs. Just keep your fingers crossed you don’t spring a leak and end up looking like you should be wearing Depends. A hose running the length of your leg empties at your ankle via a clamp valve. Lift your leg and pour.
Cell Phone Flask
Stressed at work? “Sorry, I have to take this call,” takes on a whole new meaning with the cell phone flask. Fill it with three ounces of nerve-calming liquid, screw off the antenna and sip away.
Wine Rack Flask Bra
Fill with your beverage of choice and go from a size “A” to a size “DD.” Stay busty even after you get your drink on by simply blowing into the device. It's cheaper than plastic surgery, and as a bonus, you will float effortlessly in the pool.
Walk this way! Each heel holds three ounces. Fill one with liquor, the other with a mixer and you're all set. That's if you can get past the toe jam and sweaty feet.
Undetectable Stadium Seat Cushion Flask
The internal flask holds up to 36 ounces, equal to three cans of beer or a bottle of wine. With the exception of the multiple bathroom breaks this device is sure to instigate, there is no need to ever leave your seat.