In a story that got a lot of feedback — and some pushback— I tackled girls’ costumes in "When Did Halloween Become Whore-o-Ween?" Guys have it a bit easier. Their Halloween costumes can be divided into a few basic categories:

1. Killer Classics

You can’t kill a classic. Zombies, werewolves, and vampires don’t get old. If pressed for time, just cover yourself in fake blood. However, if you’re looking for a Halloween hook-up (and you are) think twice before painting your face gory green. Not every girl is keen on making out with a guy caked in theatrical make-up. It’s… messy and will stain her slutty lace corset.

Plus it’s hard to be discreet (if you’re into that or whatever) when you’ve smeared someone with your fake brains.

2. Couples Costumes

Rivaling the classics are couples costumes, otherwise known as the shit your girlfriend makes you wear. Now this may seem obvious, but only dress as a couple if you are, in fact, a couple— even if it’s just for the night.

If you’re Peter Pan then Tinkerbell totally has dibsies on you. Well, unless a Tigerlilly intervenes. (Obviously, Tigerlilly is the babe in that story and Tink is a sad, jealous bitch.)

If your lady is set on coordinating costumes consider offering up some of your own ideas, lest you get stuck in Kelly green Amer-Appar leggings. (By the way, they’re hella warm but not the most, uh, flattering.) Another drawback to matching ‘stumes is that you probably need your better half to complete the look.

If Gretel passes out or decides she hates you then suddenly you’re just that weirdo in lederhosen.

3. Funny Guy

Go over the top on Halloween. Pull out a Santa Suit or rent a Scooby-Doo costume. (Attention furries— this is you’re time to shine in that fuzzy-sexy squirrel suit as partygoers will mistake your kink for a gung-ho holiday attitude.)

An unforeseen advantage to head-to-toe ridiculous? Party crashing! No one will recognize you disguised as a seven-foot Gumby. Even if frenemies do discover your intrusion, you’re in the clear because no one can kick out Gumby. No one.

4. Clever

The ultimate costume is a clever one. CultureMap's Steven Thomson once dressed up as a LOL Cat, complete with a hand-made shirt reading, “Suri I eated all the candies!”

Another friend portrayed cult leader Jim Jones, urging all the partiers to try his Kool-Aid.

Approach clever with caution. Steer clear of tired pop culture references. The dick-in-a-box made us laugh back in 2007 but now evokes eye-rolls. The It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia “green man” body suit was funny last year but... actually, no, it’s still hilarious. The “pimp” suit may seem fitting considering the number of scantily-clad women prancing the town, but resist the temptation. The “pimp” suit is played-out.

Of course not everyone will get your potentially obscure reference. Your wit and creativity will be lost on some (i.e. the stupid and the clueless). But you didn't want to make-out with them anyway (I hope).

5. The Forfeit

The lamest costume is no costume. (If you’re trick-or-treating with your kids or at home watching scary movies you get a pass.) Going to a Halloween party without a costume is as uncouth as showing up to a nude beach wearing a swimsuit: Not only are you no fun— you're creepy.

And you can't get away with that T-shirt that reads, “This is my costume.” Please don’t be that guy. No one likes that guy.