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    Movie Review

    If I Had Legs I’d Kick You captures the chaos and comedy of motherhood

    Alex Bentley
    Oct 29, 2025 | 1:30 pm
    Conan O'Brien and Rose Byrne in If I Had Legs I'd Kick You

    Conan O'Brien and Rose Byrne in If I Had Legs I'd Kick You

    Photo courtesy of A24

    Movie history is littered with depictions of stressed-out mothers who have breakdowns due to the pressure put on them by their children, spouses, or society in general. Recent examples include Hereditary, Tully, and Nightbitch, with each of them finding different ways to depict their main character’s struggles. Yet another put-upon mother goes through the wringer in the oddly-named If I Had Legs I’d Kick You.

    When we meet Linda (Rose Byrne), she’s already in the middle of a huge ball of stress. Her daughter (Delaney Quinn) suffers from an unnamed illness that requires around-the-clock care and frequent doctor visitors. Her husband, Charles (Christian Slater), is a boat captain whose job keeps him away from home for long periods of time. And her job as a therapist requires her to hear other people’s problems, necessitating her seeing a fellow therapist (Conan O’Brien) on a daily basis.

    Nearly everyone else she encounters in the movie adds to her anxiety, including Caroline (Danielle Macdonald), a new mother who’s constantly worried about her baby; Dr. Spring (Mary Bronstein), who constantly harps on Linda to get her daughter to eat; an officious parking attendant at the hospital; and a sneering desk clerk at the motel she and her daughter are forced to stay at after a plumbing disaster at home. Consequently, she dismisses James (A$AP Rocky), another motel worker, the one person who treats her with a modicum of kindness.

    Written and directed by Bronstein, the film is a harrowing experience that somehow also manages to be darkly funny at times. Linda is dealing with way too much for one person to adequately handle, something that is compounded by the fact that nobody really listens to her, not even the therapist she’s paying to do so. Scenes bounce back and forth between Linda demonstrating righteous anger at what the world is throwing at her and crushing guilt over supposedly not doing enough for her child.

    Bronstein depicts Linda’s journey in a number of interesting ways, some straightforward and others not so much. Bronstein makes liberal use of close-ups on Linda’s face, heightening the feeling that the world is closing in on her. The plumbing problem at her home results in a huge hole in the ceiling, which becomes the source of some unexplained phenomena, a choice that might have been unnecessary.

    What’s most striking about the film is how hardly anyone is on Linda’s side. Since the film joins the story as it’s already in progress, the audience is left to guess as to how Linda has behaved in the past to garner such negative interactions from people who should be helping her. While she’s not a perfect person, she also doesn’t appear to be such a jerk that she should be treated with disdain everywhere she goes.

    Byrne, who’s gravitated toward lighter roles in recent years, is an absolute marvel in this part. The more stress Linda feels, the more she becomes disheveled, and Byrne makes you feel every ounce of the character’s pain. O’Brien, who’s rarely had to play anyone but “Conan O’Brien” before, is surprisingly good, tamping down his comic sensibility to complement Byrne well. A$AP Rocky also makes a nice impression, elevating a character that’s a little underwritten.

    The role of a mom is never an easy one, and that’s in the best of circumstances. If I Had Legs I’d Kick You — a title that is never explained yet still somehow fits — earns its stripes by demonstrating how the often thankless job of motherhood can become even more distressing when the mom in question is given little to no support.

    ---

    If I Had Legs I'd Kick You opens in Houston on Friday, October 31.

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    Concert News

    Rapper A$AP Rocky brings 'Don't Be Dumb' summer tour to Houston

    Alex Bentley
    Jan 20, 2026 | 12:15 pm
    A$AP Rocky
    Photo by @pleckham
    A$AP Rocky will perform at the Toyota Center in Houston on Saturday, June 20.

    Fresh off an appearance as the musical guest on Saturday Night Live, rapper/aspiring actor A$AP Rocky will go on the road with his 2026 Don’t Be Dumb World Tour, which will include a stop at the Toyota Center in Houston on Saturday, June 20.

    The 42-date tour will start in Chicago on May 27, with the 25-city North American leg lasting through July 11.

    There will be three Texas stops in the middle — Houston will follow Dallas on June 18 and Austin on June 19.

    The tour is named after A$AP Rocky's new album, Don’t Be Dumb, his first full-length release in eight years.

    Rocky's first two albums went to No. 1 on Billboard's overall 200, R&B/Hip Hop, and Rap charts, while 2018's Testing took a slight step back, still finishing in the top five of all three.

    The rapper gained big notice as an actor in 2025, co-starring in two A24-produced films - Highest 2 Lowest, directed by Spike Lee, and the Golden Globe-winning If I Had Legs I’d Kick You.

    Rocky's appearance on SNL included a cameo in a sketch alongside host Finn Wolfhard, as well as him performing “Punk Rocky” and a medley of the album’s title track and “Helicopter$."



    Rocky also served as co-chair of the 2025 Met Gala, was announced as the creative director for Ray-Ban, and was appointed as Chanel’s new house ambassador.

    To participate in A$AP Rocky’s Artist Presale in North America on Friday, January 23 at 10 am, fans must sign up at livemu.sc/asaprocky by Wednesday, January 21 at 9 pm.

    Artist Presales for this tour are hosted by multiple ticketing sites but anyone who signs up can join the sale. For Artist Presales on Ticketmaster, no code is needed - access is tied to a user's account.

    There will also be a presale for Cash App Card customers starting on Wednesday, January 21 at 10 am.

    The global general on sale will go live on January 27 at 9 am at ASAPROCKY.COM.

    Don’t Be Dumb World Tour 2026 North American Dates

    • Wed May 27 Chicago, IL United Center
    • Fri May 29 Cleveland, OH Rocket Arena
    • Sun May 31 Toronto, ON Scotiabank Arena
    • Mon Jun 01 Montreal, QC Bell Centre
    • Tue Jun 02 Boston, MA TD Garden
    • Thu Jun 04 Philadelphia, PA Xfinity Mobile Arena
    • Sun Jun 07 New York, NY The Governors Ball
    • Mon Jun 08 Baltimore, MD CFG Bank Arena
    • Thu Jun 11 Atlanta, GA State Farm Arena
    • Fri Jun 12 Charlotte, NC Spectrum Center
    • Sun Jun 14 Orlando, FL Kia Center
    • Mon Jun 15 Miami, FL Kaseya Center
    • Thu Jun 18 Dallas, TX American Airlines Center
    • Fri Jun 19 Austin, TX Moody Center
    • Sat Jun 20 Houston, TX Toyota Center
    • Tue Jun 23 Phoenix, AZ Mortgage Matchup Center
    • Thu Jun 25 San Francisco, CA Chase Center
    • Fri Jun 26 Las Vegas, NV MGM Grand Garden Arena
    • Sat Jun 27 Los Angeles, CA Kia Forum
    • Tue Jun 30 Seattle, WA Climate Pledge Arena
    • Wed Jul 01 Vancouver, BC Rogers Arena
    • Fri Jul 03 Edmonton, AB Rogers Place
    • Sat Jul 04 Calgary, AB Scotiabank Saddledome
    • Wed Jul 08 Detroit, MI Little Caesars Arena
    • Sat Jul 11 Newark, NJ Prudential Center
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