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    Movie Review

    If I Had Legs I’d Kick You captures the chaos and comedy of motherhood

    Alex Bentley
    Oct 29, 2025 | 1:30 pm
    Conan O'Brien and Rose Byrne in If I Had Legs I'd Kick You

    Conan O'Brien and Rose Byrne in If I Had Legs I'd Kick You

    Photo courtesy of A24

    Movie history is littered with depictions of stressed-out mothers who have breakdowns due to the pressure put on them by their children, spouses, or society in general. Recent examples include Hereditary, Tully, and Nightbitch, with each of them finding different ways to depict their main character’s struggles. Yet another put-upon mother goes through the wringer in the oddly-named If I Had Legs I’d Kick You.

    When we meet Linda (Rose Byrne), she’s already in the middle of a huge ball of stress. Her daughter (Delaney Quinn) suffers from an unnamed illness that requires around-the-clock care and frequent doctor visitors. Her husband, Charles (Christian Slater), is a boat captain whose job keeps him away from home for long periods of time. And her job as a therapist requires her to hear other people’s problems, necessitating her seeing a fellow therapist (Conan O’Brien) on a daily basis.

    Nearly everyone else she encounters in the movie adds to her anxiety, including Caroline (Danielle Macdonald), a new mother who’s constantly worried about her baby; Dr. Spring (Mary Bronstein), who constantly harps on Linda to get her daughter to eat; an officious parking attendant at the hospital; and a sneering desk clerk at the motel she and her daughter are forced to stay at after a plumbing disaster at home. Consequently, she dismisses James (A$AP Rocky), another motel worker, the one person who treats her with a modicum of kindness.

    Written and directed by Bronstein, the film is a harrowing experience that somehow also manages to be darkly funny at times. Linda is dealing with way too much for one person to adequately handle, something that is compounded by the fact that nobody really listens to her, not even the therapist she’s paying to do so. Scenes bounce back and forth between Linda demonstrating righteous anger at what the world is throwing at her and crushing guilt over supposedly not doing enough for her child.

    Bronstein depicts Linda’s journey in a number of interesting ways, some straightforward and others not so much. Bronstein makes liberal use of close-ups on Linda’s face, heightening the feeling that the world is closing in on her. The plumbing problem at her home results in a huge hole in the ceiling, which becomes the source of some unexplained phenomena, a choice that might have been unnecessary.

    What’s most striking about the film is how hardly anyone is on Linda’s side. Since the film joins the story as it’s already in progress, the audience is left to guess as to how Linda has behaved in the past to garner such negative interactions from people who should be helping her. While she’s not a perfect person, she also doesn’t appear to be such a jerk that she should be treated with disdain everywhere she goes.

    Byrne, who’s gravitated toward lighter roles in recent years, is an absolute marvel in this part. The more stress Linda feels, the more she becomes disheveled, and Byrne makes you feel every ounce of the character’s pain. O’Brien, who’s rarely had to play anyone but “Conan O’Brien” before, is surprisingly good, tamping down his comic sensibility to complement Byrne well. A$AP Rocky also makes a nice impression, elevating a character that’s a little underwritten.

    The role of a mom is never an easy one, and that’s in the best of circumstances. If I Had Legs I’d Kick You — a title that is never explained yet still somehow fits — earns its stripes by demonstrating how the often thankless job of motherhood can become even more distressing when the mom in question is given little to no support.

    ---

    If I Had Legs I'd Kick You opens in Houston on Friday, October 31.

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    Concert News

    Bluegrass guitar hero Billy Strings comes to Houston on fall 2026 tour

    Eric Sandler
    Apr 2, 2026 | 10:30 am
    Billy Strings
    Photo by Joshua Black Wilkins
    Billy Strings will perform in Sugar Land on December 9.

    Cool dads across Houston are circling December 9 on their calendars. That’s when bluegrass artist Billy Strings will perform at the Smart Financial Centre in Sugar Land.

    Announced this week, the Houston-area concert is part of a series of dates that begins in Denver in September and ends with the tour’s only other Texas stop in Fort Worth on December 11. Strings will also appear at Willie Nelson's Fourth of July Picnic in Austin on July 4.

    The artist has helped revive bluegrass with his masterful guitar playing and improvisational jams. By incorporating psychedelic sounds, the Grammy winner has drawn a wide fanbase. The setlist is expected to include favorites such as “Dust in a Baggie.”

    Strings’ most recent album, Highway Prayers, was released in 2024. It earned him his second Grammy Award for Best Bluegrass Album.

    Tickets for the Sugar Land performance go on sale at 10 am on Friday, April 3 via ATG Tickets.

    Billy Strings Fall 2026 Tour

    Sept 18: Denver, CO - Ball Arena
    Sept 19: Denver, CO - Ball Arena
    Sept 20: Denver, CO - Paramount Theatre
    Sept 25: Los Angeles, CA - The Orpheum Theatre
    Sept 26: Inglewood, CA - Kia Forum
    Sept 28: San Diego, CA - Pechanga Arena
    Oct 02: Oakland, CA - Oakland Arena
    Oct 03: Oakland, CA - Oakland Arena
    Oct 06: Eugene, OR - Matthew Knight Arena
    Oct 09: Everett, WA - Angel of the Winds Arena
    Oct 10: Everett, WA - Angel of the Winds Arena
    Oct 23: Huntsville, AL - The Orion Amphitheater
    Oct 24: Huntsville, AL - The Orion Amphitheater
    Oct 30: Baltimore, MD - CFG Bank Arena
    Oct 31: Baltimore, MD - CFG Bank Arena
    Dec 04: New Orleans, LA - Saenger Theatre
    Dec 05: New Orleans, LA - Smoothie King Center
    Dec 09: Sugar Land, TX - Smart Financial Centre
    Dec 11: Fort Worth, TX - Dickies Arena

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