step by (two) step

New Kids on the Block bring the right stuff, '90s swagger, and chiseled abs to RodeoHouston

"Who goes to a New Kids on the Block show at the rodeo in 2023?" a colleague asked this last week in the days leading up to the boy band turned man band's long-awaited debut at RodeoHouston on Tuesday, March 7 at NRG Stadium.

The kids at the shows in the late ‘80s, but now with more money for band merch and even more squirreled away for concession stand wine, that's who. The ones who re-emerged after washing off decades of grunge and nu-metal to support a reunion in 2008, which continues to roll on unabated, subtlety evolving from a lark into a touring entity with longevity.

"Think of what The Beach Boys must have looked like to us on Full House in 1988," I responded. “I’m pretty one of them is even a grandpa now.” (That would be NKOTB's Danny Wood, who became a New Grandpa On the Block in 2019.)

Welcome to the snarling realization that 1988 was literally 35 years ago.

On Tuesday night -- the officially unofficial ‘Ladies Night’ of the Rodeo’s 2023 season -- New Kids On the Block were greeted by tens of thousands of screaming eternal teens coming in hot from the rodeo wine garden, some with teenaged daughters — or gasp — granddaughters in tow to show them what all the fuss is still about Donnie Wahlberg and Joey McIntyre.

One of them was Jennifer Kirik, 43, who drove in from the Houston suburbs on Tuesday with a friend to explore the city and stay at her favorite hotel downtown. Just after 5 pm she was on the METRORail heading south to NRG Park in her finest NKOTB shirt, ready to experience the group for first time since she was in seventh grade, nearly 31 years ago. She’s forever and always a Jordan Knight girl.

“Tonight is all about reliving our childhoods,” Kirik giggled as the rail car winded past the medical center and into the neon and barracades at the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo.

“It’s going to be a lot of middle-aged women in ‘90s makeup,” she said, eyes flittering with glitter.

Kirik’s said that her parents saw one of the preeminent teen idols, Elvis Presley, decades ago as his life and career were coming to an end. The middle-aged idols on the space-age stage in NRG Stadium aren’t showing any signs of severe arterial damage or banana sandwich sweats, thankfully.

The men in New Kids on the Block, once famously the bane of Bill Hicks' existence, have survived to dance for a few more decades, albeit just a little more slowly and with more medically prescribed intention. With advances in medical science, today’s teen heart throbs could be tomorrow’s lunar casino entertainment. ("Live! Tonight at the Aquarius Crater Grand Casino: Justin Bieber and his Family Band!")

The five-man band hit the revolving stage just before 9:30 pm, ensconced in Gap Band-style black leather cowboy duds, welcoming NKOTB nation back to the “Block Party” and making use of the revolving stage’s five points.

OG bad boy Donnie Wahlberg got his first showcase of the night with “Cover Girl”, stalking the starred stage, and if you squinted you’d think Monday night’s headliner Jason Aldean had missed his tour bus and crashed at the stadium overnight. Never underestimate the magic of of a middle-aged Wahlberg wiggling his ass and polite abs on a Tuesday night.

Think “Magic Mike & His Crossfit Buddies” and you have the rough idea. The minimal choreography for “You Got It (The Right Stuff)” hasn’t changed much since the second Reagan administration because if it’s been working this long, why change it?

Wahlberg — admittedly my favorite New Kid — shouted out the group’s last Astrodome visit in 1990 before launching into “Please Don’t Go Girl”. The engrained East Coast sentimentality and polite dance school brooding that made the New Kids such a cultural touchstone still makes thousands scream.

The band dispersed throughout the stadium’s fencing during “Tonight” to get up close and personal with the crowds, posing for selfies bound for Instagram and awarding hugs and accepting sweaty facial maulings. An oldies medley of Cyndi Lauper, Bell-Biv Devoe, Whitney Houston, AC/DC, and Bon Jovi turned NRG into a chaotic karaoke bar for a few minutes, before Wahlberg toasted the Houston Astros with “Deep In The Heart of Texas,” a bold move for a Red Sox fan.

A version of Big & Rich’s “Save A Horse (Ride A Cowboy)” brought back the “Magic Mike” vibes with a cameo from Houston’s own Tio Choko as a chaser.

The exact emotions may be different now, and the registers aren’t as high as 1988. The full-throated screams on Tuesday night weren't because Joey McIntyre might pick you out from a crowd of thousands and take you out for a slice of pepperoni pizza at the food court and a shopping spree at Dillard's.

It's because it's been more than 35 years and we've survived to be in the same room together once again. Hopefully, the graying Joey would be down for a Sunday afternoon trip to Target for linens, a bottle of decently priced wine, a foot rub, and a few episodes of The Last Of Us.

--- Concert review by Craig Hlavaty

Photo courtesy of the Houston Livestock Show & Rodeo

NKOTB rocked black cowboy gear — not bad for East Coast guys.

Movie Review

Five Nights at Freddy’s 2 doesn't match the first movie's enthusiasm

Blumhouse

Five Nights at Freddy's 2.

Blumhouse Productions first made their name with the Paranormal Activity series, establishing themselves as a leader in the horror genre thanks to their relatively cheap yet effective movies. In recent years, they’ve added on “soft” horror films like M3GAN and Five Nights at Freddy’s to draw in a younger audience, with both films becoming so successful that each was quickly given a sequel.

Five Nights at Freddy’s 2 finds Mike (Josh Hutcherson) and his sister Abby (Piper Rubio) still recovering from the events of the first film, with Abby particularly missing her “friends.” Those friends just so happen to be the souls of murdered children who inhabit animatronic characters at the long-defunct Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza, children who were abducted and killed by William Afton (Matthew Lillard).

A new threat emerges at another Freddy Fazbear’s location in the form of Charlotte, another murdered child who inhabits a creepy large marionette. Mike, distracted by a possible romance with Vanessa (Elizabeth Lail), fails to keep track of Abby, who makes her way to the old pizzeria and inadvertently unleashes Charlotte and her minions on the surrounding town.

Directed by Emma Tammi and written by Scott Cawthon (who also created the video game on which the series is based), the film tries to mix together goofy elements with intense scenes. One particular sequence, in which the security guard for Freddy Fazbear’s lets a group of ghost hunters onto the property, toes the line between soft and hard horror. That and a few others show the potential that the filmmakers had if they had stuck to their guns.

Unfortunately, more often than not they either soft-pedal things that would normally be horrific, or can’t figure out how to properly stage scenes. The sight of animatronic robots wreaking havoc is one that is simultaneously frightening and laughable, and the filmmakers never seem to find the right balance in tone. Every step in the direction of making a truly scary horror film is undercut by another in which the robots fail to live up to their promise.

It doesn’t help that Cawthon gives the cast some extremely wooden dialogue, lines that none of the actors can elevate. What may work in a video game format comes off as stilted when said by actors in a live-action film. The story also loses momentum quickly after the first half hour or so, with Cawthon seemingly content to just have characters move from place to place with no sense of connection between any of the scenes.

Hutcherson (The Hunger Games series), after being the true lead of the first film, is given very little to do in this film, and his effort is equal to his character’s arc. The same goes for Lail, whose character seems to be shoehorned into the story. Rubio is called upon to carry the load for a lot of the movie, and the teenager is not quite up to the task. A brief appearance by Skeet Ulrich seems to be a blatant appeal to Scream fans, but he and Lillard only underscore how limited this film is compared to that franchise.

Five Nights at Freddy’s 2 is better than the first film, but not by much. The filmmakers do a decent job of making the new marionette character into a great villain, but they fail to capitalize on its inherent creepiness. Instead, they fall back on less effective elements, ensuring that the film will be forgettable for anyone other than hardcore Freddy fans.

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Five Nights at Freddy's 2 opens in theaters on December 5.

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