weekend event planner

Here are the top 14 things to do in Houston this weekend

Nacho Sanchez and Paty Ramirez-Sanchez bring PAPEL to life.

Photo by Suzy Villarruel

Scorching August days call for cold beer — heck, a whole month of beer. Fortunately, a few local breweries are stepping up with fun events, from a specialty dinner to an Art Car Day and even a hip-hop flea market.

Pizza fans can nosh on pies at a new opening, giant dinosaurs stomp into town, and a new hotel pool party makes a splash.

Enjoy; here are your best bets for the weekend.

Thursday, August 3

Saint Arnold Beer Dinner at Radio Milano

Indulge in a four-course beer dinner at The Moran CITYCENTRE’s Radio Milano, featuring a variety of Saint Arnold beers paired with courses from executive chef Christian Cardenas. Brewski lovers can enjoy meticulously crafted beers accompanied by an exceptional culinary experience from the kitchen. The evening doesn’t have to end after dinner! Book a room at The Moran CITYCENTRE and take advantage of all the hotel and CITYCENTRE have to offer. 6 pm.

Gold Tooth Tony’s Detroit Pizza Pre-Launch Party

Three Houston Heights businesses come together for a pre-launch pizza party debuting Gold Tooth Tony’s Detroit Pizza. Anthony Calleo, creator of Pi Pizza and chef of Montrose’s Rudyard’s and 6’s and 7’s, brings his love for all things pizza back to Houston. 100 individual slices of pizza, treats from Fluff Bake Bar (provided by pastry chef Rebecca Masson), and beer and wine by the glass from Dodie’s Beer and Wine Shoppe will be available to purchase on a first come, first served basis. 6:30 pm.

Killer Mike in concert

Killer Mike will be in town this weekend, as part of his High & Holy Tour. While he’s often viewed as a political rapper, Mike has done something different for his new album MIchael, He presents an autobiographical deep dive, as refracted through his upbringing in southern Black culture. In charting the journey from childhood to rap stardom, Mike taps into the sounds of the church and multiple eras of ATL rap. On tour, he’ll bring that to life while backed up by a small choir (aka the Midnight Revival). 7 pm.

Friday, August 4

The Menil Collection presents "The Iconic Portrait Strand by Nestor Topchy" opening day

The Menil Collection presents the first museum exhibition of Houston-based artist Nestor Topchy’s contemporary portraits (b.1963). Following the traditional techniques and materials of religious icons used by the Ukrainian Eastern Orthodox Church for the last 800 years, Topchy’s portraits will include a selection of more than one hundred paintings made over the last 15 years, depicting the artist’s circle of friends and colleagues. Through Sunday, January 21. 11 am.

Jurassic World Live Tour

Jurassic World comes to life against a backdrop of scenery where dinosaurs from the iconic franchise. The production features more than 24 film-accurate, life-sized dinosaurs, with scale, speed and ferocity, operated by animatronics and performers. Fans of the popular Netflix animated series Jurassic World: Camp Cretaceous will also recognize Bumpy, the friendly and food-motivated dinosaur, as she goes from baby to adult fairly quickly. 11 am and 7 pm (11 am, 3 and 7 pm Saturday; 1 and 5 pm Sunday).

HITS Theatre presents Carrie the Musical

This musical adaptation of Stephen King’s classic novel explores themes of bullying, isolation, and the power of fear. The story follows Carrie White, a young girl who is constantly tormented by her classmates at school and abused by her overbearing, religious mother at home. As her powers grow stronger, Carrie becomes a ticking time bomb, leading to a prom night that ends in tragedy. Through Saturday, August 12. 7 pm (3 pm Sunday).

House of Blues Houston presents Riki Rachtman: One Foot in the Gutter

Riki Rachtman, former host of MTV’s Headbangers Ball and co-owner of the iconic Hollywood rock club Cathouse, is hitting the road on the final stretch of dates for his critically acclaimed one-man show. Get ready for Rachtman to share previously unheard stories and unseen photos and video footage from his experience being at the epicenter of the most decadent era of rock & roll history, throughout the late 80’s & early 90’s. 7:30 pm.

Saturday, August 5

Ninja Turtles Turmoil at Children’s Museum Houston

Since Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem will be hitting theaters this weekend, Leonardo, Raphael, Donatello, and Michelangelo will take a break from outsmarting villains to visit Children’s Museum Houston during a themed celebration. Prepare for mutant mania as these watchmen rumble and tumble their way into the hearts of Houston’s coolest TMNT fans. Don’t forget your camera for selfies with the pizza-loving heroes and city protectors. TMNT costumes are encouraged. 10 am.

CURVchella Plus-Size Shopping Expo

CURVchella, the premier shopping expo dedicated to curves, launches this weekend at The Ranch Office Memorial. This expo was birthed by Kimberly Williams, who has spent years developing a successful business that focused on celebrity styling and closet sales, primarily for plus-size women. Williams has stated that "Sizes 0 -12 are celebrated every day in each department store, and sizes 12 and up, or large and up don't really get the attention that they deserve.” With CURVchella, sizes large and up will get that attention. 10 am.

Archway Gallery presents "Are We There Yet?" opening reception

Archway Gallery presents this new exhibition featuring paintings by Cookie Wells and wood furniture by Tom Wells. The show profiles a journey of renewal of creativity, as well as the reinvention and metamorphosis of an artist. Through this series of paintings, Cookie Wells reveals her journey on paper. People will also find finely crafted wood furniture created by Thomas Wells. Some of these pieces continue the theme of integrating dark and light, linear and whimsy, form and function. Through Thursday, August 31. 5 pm.

Mid Main Gallery presents “PAPEL” opening reception

Artists Nacho Sanchez and Paty Ramirez-Sanchez explore the boundless expressive potential of paper in this thought-provoking showcase. As devoted art educators and parents, Sanchez breathes new life into discarded newspapers and pulp, challenging traditional notions of paper, while Ramirez-Sanchez's captivating portrait photography immortalizes moments of wonder and sainthood, urging viewers to ponder the hidden narratives within each frame. Through Thursday, September 7. 6 pm.

Sunday, August 6

Saint Arnold Art Car IPA Day

Head over to Saint Arnold Brewing Company this weekend, where they will have a whole day saluting their popular ale, inspired by Houston’s, artful, automotive Art Car Museum. This incredible celebration will feature special beers, a live DJ pumping up the vibes, and talented artists creating mesmerizing works of art in real-time. You can also embrace the local community spirit with Shop Local Market, offering unique finds and goodies. Noon.

The Laura Hotel presents Summer Splash Pool Party Series

Did you know that The Laura Hotel has been doing a weekly pool party? Enjoy Live DJ music, irresistible drink specials, and a vibrant atmosphere that will keep you dancing all day long. Reserve the exclusive Pool Cabana package for two, including a chilled champagne bottle, priced at $250. General admission tickets are available for non-hotel guests at $40, while hotel guests enjoy complimentary entry. 1 pm.

Hip Hop Vintage Flea Market at Bad Astronaut Brewing

With the 50th anniversary of hip-hop just around the corner, Hip Hop Vintage Flea Market will be going all out this weekend. There will be a concert featuring special guest Large Professor. Local graffiti legends skeez181 and Article will also be on hand doing some live bombing. Over 65 booths will be available, as well as DJ scratch sessions, breakdancing battles, open cyphers, and a Houston mural reveal. 4 pm.

Movie Review

Meta-comedy remake Anaconda coils itself into an unfunny mess

Photo by Matt Grace

Jack Black and Paul Rudd in Anaconda.

In Hollywood’s never-ending quest to take advantage of existing intellectual property, seemingly no older movie is off limits, even if the original was not well-regarded. That’s certainly the case with 1997’s Anaconda, which is best known for being a lesser entry on the filmography of Ice Cube and Jennifer Lopez, as well as some horrendous accent work by Jon Voight.

The idea behind the new meta-sequel Anaconda is arguably a good one. Four friends — Doug (Jack Black), Griff (Paul Rudd), Claire (Thandiwe Newton), and Kenny (Steve Zahn) — who made homemade movies when they were teenagers decide to remake Anaconda on a shoestring budget. Egged on by Griff, an actor who can’t catch a break, the four of them pull together enough money to fly down to Brazil, hire a boat, and film a script written by Doug.

Naturally, almost nothing goes as planned in the Amazon, including losing their trained snake and running headlong into a criminal enterprise. Soon enough, everything else takes second place to the presence of a giant anaconda that is stalking them and anyone else who crosses its path.

Written and directed by Tom Gormican, with help from co-writer Kevin Etten, the film is designed to be an outrageous comedy peppered with laugh-out-loud moments that cover up the fact that there’s really no story. That would be all well and good … if anything the film had to offer was truly funny. Only a few scenes elicit any honest laughter, and so instead the audience is fed half-baked jokes, a story with no focus, and actors who ham it up to get any kind of reaction.

The biggest problem is that the meta-ness of the film goes too far. None of the core four characters possess any interesting traits, and their blandness is transferred over to the actors playing them. And so even as they face some harrowing situations or ones that could be funny, it’s difficult to care about anything they do since the filmmakers never make the basic effort of making the audience care about them.

It’s weird to say in a movie called Anaconda, but it becomes much too focused on the snake in the second half of the film. If the goal is to be a straight-up comedy, then everything up to and including the snake attacks should be serving that objective. But most of the time the attacks are either random or moments when the characters are already scared, and so any humor that could be mined all but disappears.

Black and Rudd are comedy all-stars who can typically be counted on to elevate even subpar material. That’s not the case here, as each only scores on a few occasions, with Black’s physicality being the funniest thing in the movie. Newton is not a good fit with this type of movie, and she isn’t done any favors by some seriously bad wigs. Zahn used to be the go-to guy for funny sidekicks, but he brings little to the table in this role.

Any attempt at rebooting/remaking an old piece of IP should make a concerted effort to differentiate itself from the original, and in that way, the new Anaconda succeeds. Unfortunately, that’s its only success, as the filmmakers can never find the right balance to turn it into the bawdy comedy they seemed to want.

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Anaconda is now playing in theaters.

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