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    Married to Medicine Houston Recap

    Married to Medicine Houston Recap Episode 9: Havana Sights and a San Antonio miracle

    Kaitlin Steinberg
    Dec 30, 2016 | 9:01 pm

    It’s the final countdown, ladies and gents, the second-to-last episode of Married to Medicine Houston (probably ever), which means storylines that we’ve been following all season are finally coming to some sort of resolution.

    Like the damn Havana Nights fundraiser. How many episodes have we been hearing about this ode to old Cuba that will fund the dental area of the new wellness center? The anticipation is killing me. But we’re finally here, at some warehouse-type event venue in Montrose, a neighborhood that seems to be somewhat of a mystery to Ashandra and Rachel when they arrive. I don’t know where you ladies normally hang out, but welcome to Montrose. We have great restaurants, great dive bars and many of the gays. It’s a magical place.

    Not so magical (yet) is the event venue, which is pretty bare bones, but Rachel is confident she can turn it into Cuba in no time. Theresa Roemer (of closet fame) joins the group to discuss the fashion show that will take place at the fundraiser. Ashandra jokes that because Theresa's so buff, she could be security at the event, and I would LOVE to see that.

    Next we catch up with Derika, who enjoy a rare lunch meetup at Croissant Brioche in Rice Village. They chat about what area of medicine Derek might go into after residency, and, over a slice of cake and a ham quiche, the words “colon surgery I love” and “hand-sewn colon anastomosis” come out of Derek’s mouth. The pure delight with which he states, “Colo-rectal sounds super appealing” is actually kind of adorable if you don’t think about it too hard.

    After the news that having a baby is going to be harder than they expected, Derek and Erika have taken a break from all the complicated medical stuff and are trying things the old-fashioned way. Then Derek says he might want to move back to Abilene to work, and I just want to remind him that this is what Abilene looks like. And this is what Houston looks like. I rest my case.

    To salvage her failing relationship, Monica has traveled to San Antonio to visit Imad, since usually he has to come visit her in Houston. Apparently he’s not expecting her, and surprising a dude who can’t commit to anything sounds like a greeeeeat idea. He does seem pleased to see her, though, so I’m the surprised person in this situation.

    I don’t know if it’s because he was at work when Monica showed up so he had to be on his best behavior or if he’s more comfortable in San Antonio or what, but this is the nicest I’ve ever seen Imad. He was almost charming, which freaks me out much more than when he’s being an asshole. I don’t know how to handle these feelings of compassion toward him. I hope he does something rude again soon so I can get back to a state of equilibrium.

    Back at the event space for the Havana Nights fundraiser, Theresa is casting models for her fashion show, and Ashandra, Pegah and Rachel practice their runway walks, as they’ll be modeling as well. Theresa says Ashandra walks like a stripper, and Rachel walks like a chihuahua, so this is one fashion show you won’t want to miss.

    The next day, Monica wakes up at Imad’s house in San Antonio and tries to make breakfast. Evidently, she can’t cook. Like, she can’t even make eggs. But girlfriend can fix hearts, so no judgment here.

    Then, finally, they start talking about their issues. Imad thinks Monica needs to allow her parents to get to know him. They’ve never met because Monica worries that they won’t be cool with the fact that Imad is Muslim or that he’s a chauvinistic jerk. She admits to having residual issues from her past relationship, but Imad convinces her that they need to move forward, so Monica calls her parents right then to make plans to introduce them to Imad.

    Throughout this whole exchange, Imad was…like…nice. And understanding. He even ate Monica’s shitty eggs. Am I in the Twilight Zone? Quick, Imad, say something awful so I can go back to hating you! I don’t know how to function in this brave, new world!

    Party time

    Later, in a universe where people are staying true to their characters and not messing with my head, Imad, the ladies are preparing for the Havana Nights fundraiser in different ways. Rachel and Maribel are getting spray tans, Erika is getting her makeup done while wearing bloody scrubs, and Pegah picks Elly’s nose for her, because that’s what sisters do. I mean, I think. I’m an only child. Is that what sisters do? It’s weird.

    The venue for the fundraiser has indeed been transformed, with palm fronds and flowy white fabric and…giant gilded love seats? Eh, whatever, it works. Not working so much are all the damn fedoras in the building. It’s like the only thing people know about Cuba is that people there wear fedoras, but they’ve been so woefully co-opted by hipsters in recent years that all the party-goers look like they’re wandering around trying to find the best mixology joint in Brooklyn.

    Apparently the venue is incredibly hot, though, so that fits perfectly with the theme. Props for authenticity there, guys.

    Then the fashion show begins, and, thankfully none of the non-models in the show take it too seriously and try to Ramona Singer down the runway. J. Michael, creator of crazy hats and wearer of obnoxious tutus, stands up and starts dancing as Ashandra walks down, though, and I want to tell him to sit the fuck down and stop trying to steal her thunder!

    At the end of the event, Ricky announces that the silent auction raised $14,000, which is a little shy of the $50,000 goal and a lot shy of the $500,000 that Ashandra initially said was needed for the wellness center to open its dental practice. But aside from the intense sweating, the party was deemed a success. Rachel got to show Cindi Rose that she can throw an event, Erika got to show Maribel that she can dress for a theme, and Ashandra got to give back to her community.

    San Antonio surprise

    Surprisingly, things are going well in San Antonio, too, where Monica is joining Imad for his brother’s birthday party. Monica’s family has never met Imad, but she is fairly close with his family, particularly his sister-in-law Suzie, who serves as a couples counselor for the pair and probably has to see a therapist of her own because of it.

    Imad tells Suzie that he wants to make things work with Monica, but he feels like she’s never willing to compromise — she wants to get married and have kids on her timeline and in her city. He also reveals that he bought a ring to propose to Monica, but he keeps changing his mind about doing it. And then…crap, he doesn’t say anything remotely offensive or misogynistic. Well, that’s disappointing. I’m feeling things for Imad that I never knew I could feel…like understanding…sympathy…not pure hatred.

    This is very unsettling. Fortunately, it looks like he’s back to his smarmy ways in the next episode, and thank god for that. Actually kind of liking Imad is more than I can bear.

    -----------------

    Next up: The Season Finale. Previous recaps:

    Here's everything that happened on the first episode of Married to Medicine Houston

    Married to Medicine Houston Recap Episode 2: Holi Moley, pole dancing, and a visit to the dog wash

    Married to Medicine Houston Recap Episode 3: Crawfish drama and other cheesy moments

    Married to Medicine Houston Recap Episode 4: Cindi Rose returns, praise Monica!

    Married to Medicine Houston Recap Episode 5: Shabbat ShalOMG!, iPhone love and shots for everyone

    Married to Medicine Houston Recap Episode 6: Imanchild, hot mama, and restaurant confrontation

    Married to Medicine Houston Recap Episode 7: It's time to party with the Mad Hatters!

    Married to Medicine Houston Recap Episode 8: Twinkle, Twinkle...how bizarre!

    Theresa, send from left, says Ashandra, left, walks like a stripper, and Rachel, second from right, walks like a chihuahua, so this is one fashion show you won’t want to miss.

    Married to Medicine Houston episode 9 fashion show, Theresa Roemer, Rachel, Ashandra
    Photo courtesy of Bravo
    Theresa, send from left, says Ashandra, left, walks like a stripper, and Rachel, second from right, walks like a chihuahua, so this is one fashion show you won’t want to miss.
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    Movie Review

    Meta-comedy remake Anaconda coils itself into an unfunny mess

    Alex Bentley
    Dec 26, 2025 | 2:30 pm
    Jack Black and Paul Rudd in Anaconda
    Photo by Matt Grace
    Jack Black and Paul Rudd in Anaconda.

    In Hollywood’s never-ending quest to take advantage of existing intellectual property, seemingly no older movie is off limits, even if the original was not well-regarded. That’s certainly the case with 1997’s Anaconda, which is best known for being a lesser entry on the filmography of Ice Cube and Jennifer Lopez, as well as some horrendous accent work by Jon Voight.

    The idea behind the new meta-sequel Anaconda is arguably a good one. Four friends — Doug (Jack Black), Griff (Paul Rudd), Claire (Thandiwe Newton), and Kenny (Steve Zahn) — who made homemade movies when they were teenagers decide to remake Anaconda on a shoestring budget. Egged on by Griff, an actor who can’t catch a break, the four of them pull together enough money to fly down to Brazil, hire a boat, and film a script written by Doug.

    Naturally, almost nothing goes as planned in the Amazon, including losing their trained snake and running headlong into a criminal enterprise. Soon enough, everything else takes second place to the presence of a giant anaconda that is stalking them and anyone else who crosses its path.

    Written and directed by Tom Gormican, with help from co-writer Kevin Etten, the film is designed to be an outrageous comedy peppered with laugh-out-loud moments that cover up the fact that there’s really no story. That would be all well and good … if anything the film had to offer was truly funny. Only a few scenes elicit any honest laughter, and so instead the audience is fed half-baked jokes, a story with no focus, and actors who ham it up to get any kind of reaction.

    The biggest problem is that the meta-ness of the film goes too far. None of the core four characters possess any interesting traits, and their blandness is transferred over to the actors playing them. And so even as they face some harrowing situations or ones that could be funny, it’s difficult to care about anything they do since the filmmakers never make the basic effort of making the audience care about them.

    It’s weird to say in a movie called Anaconda, but it becomes much too focused on the snake in the second half of the film. If the goal is to be a straight-up comedy, then everything up to and including the snake attacks should be serving that objective. But most of the time the attacks are either random or moments when the characters are already scared, and so any humor that could be mined all but disappears.

    Black and Rudd are comedy all-stars who can typically be counted on to elevate even subpar material. That’s not the case here, as each only scores on a few occasions, with Black’s physicality being the funniest thing in the movie. Newton is not a good fit with this type of movie, and she isn’t done any favors by some seriously bad wigs. Zahn used to be the go-to guy for funny sidekicks, but he brings little to the table in this role.

    Any attempt at rebooting/remaking an old piece of IP should make a concerted effort to differentiate itself from the original, and in that way, the new Anaconda succeeds. Unfortunately, that’s its only success, as the filmmakers can never find the right balance to turn it into the bawdy comedy they seemed to want.

    ---

    Anaconda is now playing in theaters.

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