MTMH Recap

Here's everything that happened on the first episode of Married to Medicine Houston

CultureMap is thrilled to offer weekly recaps of all 10 episodes of Married to Medicine Houston. Here's what happened on episode 1.

Quick! Think of a phrase that has to do with Houston and could be applied to a dramatic reality show.

If you thought “Houston, we have a problem,” then, congrats! You are on the same page as the producers of Bravo’s newest installment of catfighting reality television, Married to Medicine Houston, who bestowed that title upon the new series’ first episode. The thing is, so far, I don’t really see a problem here.

Unlike some of Bravo’s other popular franchises, Married to Medicine Houston features five smart, educated women who seem to pretty much have their $hit together. With the exception of one woman who’s in nursing school, the first episode introduces us to successful female doctors, none of whom are Caucasian trophy wives with drinking problems. Though initially this show was touted as an extension of Bravo’s inexplicably popular Real Housewives franchise, the “Real Housewives of Houston” this is not.

The creators of the show did well to choose Houston for this installment of Married to Medicine (a previous series featured women in the medical field in Atlanta), highlighting our amazing medical center, as well as the diversity of this great city. Of course, it’s a Bravo reality show, so they have also highlighted the ridiculousness of the premise by immediately introducing viewers to the cast with a title sequence that seems to be taken from a porn film, with the women (again, these are highly educated doctors) airbrushed and filtered and posing seductively with medical equipment while a sultry voiceover purrs, “Paging Dr. Sato.”

Title sequence aside, this show has promise. First off, we meet Dr. Ashandra Batiste, a dental surgeon who proves that a lady can have it all: She has a hot, charming husband (whattup, Rich!), two adorable children and a pretty tasty looking stew on the stove for dinner.

Next, we meet Dr. Erika Sato, who, right out of the gate, mentions that her parents were both pro wrestlers, and then BARELY ELABORATES AT ALL. Girl, right now, this is the most interesting factoid about your life. It’s awesome that you’re 37 and landed a 29-year-old doctor who desperately wants to put babies in you. I’m thrilled that you’re a successful plastic surgeon specializing in boobs. That’s all great. BUT I MUST KNOW MORE ABOUT THESE WRESTLERS. (Sidenote: Don’t Google “Erika Sato wrestling.” Erika Sato is also the name of a Japanese porn star, evidently.)

Over at Mercantile in Montrose, we’re introduced to Dr. Monica Patel, who is a sassy Indian cardiologist answering to the overly familiar Dr. Monica. She’s quadruple certified (whatever that means) and likes to sashay through the halls of the hospital with a gaggle of men trailing behind her.

The odd woman out among the group of doctors is Rachel, who’s married to the trauma surgeon in Houston, Dr. James Suliburk. She is in nursing school, though, and she’s busy babysitting her mother, Maribel, who lives with the couple. Maribel is loud and Spanish and has no filter, and I predict she will be the breakout star of the season. You heard it here first.

The storm called Cindi Rose

And then, a chill fills the air. The barometric pressure drops, and the sky darkens. There’s an ominous heaviness in the air, and a storm forms on the horizon. That storm is named Cindi Rose.

She’s introduced as the “Queen Bee of Houston.” Have you ever heard of her? I’ve never heard of her. But I have heard of her daughter, Erica Rose, former villainess on The Bachelor. So, yeah, they’re a big deal.

Cindi mentions that her husband is a plastic surgeon, which we could have guessed because her face no longer moves. She seems to be slowly morphing into one of the paper silhouettes she snips into unique likenesses in record time, frozen in a state of anticipation of the next social function. Which, it turns out, is to be held at her house in a matter of days.

Rachel has joined Cindi to co-chair the fundraiser for the Holly Rose Ribbon Foundation, but they have some differences of opinion. Cindi thinks a fabulous event needs a string quartet, while Rachel suggests a DJ will suffice. You can’t tell from Cindi’s face, but the notion of a DJ horrifies her.

Meanwhile, Dr. Sato’s husband, Derek, sets up a surprise picnic for his wife and gifts her some baby toys, which Dr. Sato isn’t thrilled about. She wants to focus on her career and have kids later, or maybe never.

Rachel and Dr. Ashandra convene to discuss the meeting with Cindi, during which Dr. A calls Cindi, “Messy, mean and nasty, like a wolf in sheep’s clothing.” At last, the latex gloves are off!

More Beaumont, not Houston

Back in party planning land, Rachel tries to make nice, but is clearly having a difficult time picking décor with Cindi (now wearing a crop top, fur vest and stiletto heels accented with a single bedazzled crutch that’s necessary because of a skiing injury) and her daughter, Erica, who can’t stop petting her own hair. Cindi and Erica encourage Rachel to dress “va-va-voom,” explaining that her current wardrobe is “more Beaumont, not Houston.” Rachel tries to diffuse the fashion conversation and the décor disputes by removing herself from the equation, but still ends up getting called rude and tacky by Erica, whose last desperate grasp at reality TV fame is a worse look than her neon green dress slit up to there.

Before the fundraiser begins, we meet Dr. Monica’s long distance (San Antonio) boyfriend via Skype and get the same striptease that he does as Dr. Monica prepares for the event. Long distance is great for them because they both work all the time, but it’s also frustrating for Dr. Monica who, based on season previews, wants to settle down, like, yesterday.

Finally, it’s time for the party, and with it the glorious, glorious drama we’ve come to expect from Bravo-lebrities. Rachel vows not to make a scene, the eminent Dr. Frankin Rose asks Dr. Sato to “scrub with me” (which sounds far more like a proposition than a mentoring moment), and Dr. A delivers the best line of the episode, “Who the fuck has a harpist?” Only every classy fundraiser in Houston, Ashandra. Duh.

In the midst of Rachel’s rehashing of the Roses’ fashion critique, Dr. Sato drops a wisdom bomb: “I operate on people for a living. I work 80 hours a week. Who cares if one lady doesn’t think you have good style?” Of course she’s right, but without the “she said-she said” surrounding such inconsequential conversations, Bravo as a network would cease to exist.

Back in the living room, Cindi is making silhouettes of her guests, and I’ll admit she’s very good at them. She’s not so great at conversations, though, as she later tells Dr. Sato she’s part Asian on her dad’s side of the family and presents her “yellow” skin as evidence.

Angel in white

Then, as if scripted by the reality TV gods, an angel in white appears. To be fair, it’s a white bodycon dress two sizes too small on a woman (I later found out she’s Houston stylist Leslie Tyler Fink) wearing so much eye makeup there are just black dots where her eyes should be. With Erica and Cindi looking on in glee, she offers Rachel a “head-to-toe” styling session. Rachel, dumbstruck, replies, “I’m not really interested,” then walks away with the wannabe stylist still mocking her outfit.

Cindi follows after her to apologize, which is surprising based on her previous penchant for laughing off insults not directed at her, but even more surprising is Rachel’s response. “You need to check your friends,” she tells Cindi, whose only defense is that the style ninja is Erica’s friend, not hers. Dr. Monica and Dr. A jump in then, too, telling Cindi she really should have backed up her co-chair on this one. #squadgoals

After this, Rachel and her hubby make a swift exit, but not before we get a parting shot of Erica and the style ninja cackling in a corner like cartoon villains. They seem every bit the wicked step sisters straight out of a fairy tale infused with Pinot Grigio, abysmal traffic and the kind of wealth only breast implants and butt lifts can create.

In the next episode, we’ll meet Dr. Elly Pourasef, a Persian audiologist — but is she a real doctor? — who is sure to bring even more drama to the mix. Stay tuned.

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Kaitlin Steinberg is a Texas writer who admits to watching Bravo reality series all the time. Here's a link to her recap of episode 2 of Married to Medicine Houston.

Married to Medicine cast members are introduced with gauzy title sequences. i

Married to Medicine Houston Rachel Suliburk

Photo courtesy of Bravo

Married to Medicine cast members are introduced with gauzy title sequences. i

Movie Review

Spielberg-inspired movie The End of Oak Street is a dino-snore

Photo by Daniel McFadden

Ewan McGregor and Anne Hathaway in The End of Oak Street.

Steven Spielberg is the iconic director of the last 50 years, so it’s no surprise that many other filmmakers have borrowed from his classic films. But most of the time those come in the form of references or homages, not straight up theft, which is what it feels like watching The End of Oak Street play out in front of your eyes.

Set in the early 1980s in an idyllic suburban neighborhood of an unnamed city, Denise (Anne Hathaway) and Greg (Ewan McGregor) are parents to two teenagers, Audrey (Maisy Stella) and Brian (Christian Convery). They’re also possibly heading toward divorce, as Audrey is secretly writing a novel with a thinly-veiled plot about their life, and Brian is cagey about having to earn extra money with a pizza delivery job.

That all gets put on the backburner when a mysterious event takes their entire neighborhood back to the time of dinosaurs. Armed with little more than a shotgun and sledgehammer, Audrey and Brian do their best to keep the family safe in their house. But the longer the ordeal goes on, circumstances force them out onto the streets and into the increasing danger that’s all around them.

Written and directed by David Robert Mitchell, the film tries immensely hard to be like the Spielberg movies its filmmaker clearly adores, but fails at almost every turn. It never earns the broken family in ‘80s suburbia vibes that were prevalent in E.T., going all in right away in the opening scene with a neighborhood block party that feels forced. Other elements like a bully who has it out for Brian, the family dog that disappears, and an angry neighbor come across as the tropes they are and not as organic parts of the plot.

When it finally gets to its dinosaur sequences, they pale in comparison to those found in Jurassic Park. The strange manner in which the dinosaurs appear is a big part of that, but the action involving them forgoes ominous moments that could build tension for those that play up gore in an unexpected way for a PG-13 movie. Many of the attacks have so little emotional meaning that they come off as comical, which is entertaining but in a hollow way.

As if those weren’t enough, Mitchell — perhaps at the behest of producer J.J. Abrams (who made his own Spielbergian film, Super 8) — tries to honor Spielberg in other ways. Just like in Jaws, he employs the use of a split diopter lens, which keeps characters in both the foreground and background in focus. But instead of using it judiciously, it’s brought out in three separate scenes, including a laughable one with the four family members where it turns into overkill.

Hathaway, coming off of a role in The Odyssey that could earn her an Oscar nomination, is the best part of this film. But even her evident skills are dragged down by the ridiculousness of the story, which requires hysterics that even she can’t sell. McGregor can normally be counted on for a good performance, but he gives several line readings with strange cadences that make his already-underwritten character come off worse. Stella and Convery are okay, but their roles are unmemorable overall.

Mitchell and his team can never settle on exactly what type of film they were trying to make, and so even though The End of Oak Street has a few moments that work, they’re surrounded by many others that don’t. In trying to emulate Spielberg — there’s even a blatant Back to the Future (produced by Spielberg) rip-off towards the end — all Mitchell has done is show how difficult it is to be the master.

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The End of Oak Street opens in theaters on August 14.