weekend event planner

Here are the top 12 things to do in Houston this Thanksgiving weekend

Houston's beloved Uptown Houston Holiday Lighting returns on Thanksgiving evening.

Photo courtesy of Uptown Houston

It’s Thanksgiving Weekend: The turkey! The stuffing! The relatives! (The arguing!) And, of course, after all that is done, there's Black Friday, and all the subsequent weekend shopping deals.

Locals won’t want to miss the annual Uptown Holiday Lighting. Now in its 32nd year, the annual event will return on Thanksgiving evening, to kick off the holiday season on a newly transformed Post Oak Boulevard. This free family event usually draws more than 100,000 people to the boulevard between Westheimer and San Felipe for live entertainment, a visit from jolly Saint Nick, a fireworks extravaganza, and a dazzling new light show.

This year's celebration is being reimagined with the introduction of over 300 all-new, 20-foot-tall holiday trees that will line Post Oak Boulevard from the West Loop to Richmond Avenue. A Merry Holiday Stage Show features performances by local Houston entertainment including event staples Houston Concert Band, Houston Show Choir, Mixteco Ballet, and A.D Players.

While enjoying the holiday performances and awaiting Santa’s arrival, guests can enjoy the uniquely designed art cars on display along the Boulevard and grab favorite holiday treats like kettle corn, funnel cakes, hot cocoa and apple cider from concession stands. A portion of all concession sales will go to event charities Be an Angel and the Houston Area Urban League. The event kicks off at 5 pm.

And as always, there are plenty of other weekend options for you and the family. Happy Thanksgiving!

Thursday, November 28

BakerRipley Houston Turkey Trot and Woodforest Turkey Trot
There are two "turkey trots" going on this Turkey Day. First off, the BakerRipley trot will include three separate races in the Uptown Galleria area designed to appeal to runners of all ages and experience levels. Winners of the certified timed events will be given awards based on event and age category. And the events in the Woodforest trot will include the Mashed Potato Mile and the 5K Family Feast Walk/Run. A Harvest Half Mile is available for kids ages 12 and under. 7:30 and 8:30 am.

The H-E-B Thanksgiving Day Parade
The Houston Thanksgiving Day Parade began in 1949, when Santa arrived at Union Station and rode his sleigh to the downtown Foley’s. The 70-year-old holiday tradition continues today with Jim "Mattress Mack" McIngvale as grand marshal. The parade starts on Lamar Street in downtown; check the map online for the exact route. 9 am.

Friendsgivings at Henke & Pillot
Earlier this week, we were at a multiplex and saw that folks were going to see a bunch of Thanksgiving episodes from the TV show Friends (aka "Friendsgiving"), instead of staying at home at watching them on Netflix. So, if people are willing to venture out and watch Friends on the big screen, they would probably check out this "Friendsgiving"-themed event, which starts off with a bachata, salsa and kizomba class mixer, then slides into a dance party that goes on until the wee hours. 9 pm-1:30 am

Friday, November 29

Galveston Holiday Lighting Celebration at Hotel Galvez & Spa
This is the twelfth year for this holiday celebration, which kicks off with the lighting of the hotel’s 35-foot Christmas tree. This event will also feature holiday entertainment including performances of The Nutcracker by the Galveston Ballet, Christmas carols, and holiday music performed with flutes, as well as a special visit by Santa Claus and other guests. Throughout the evening, Hotel Galvez staff will collect monetary donations for the Salvation Army. 6-7:15 pm.

Downtown District presents Thing-A-Ma-Jingle on Main Street
The Houston Downtown Management District (Downtown District) is repackaging the downtown holiday experience with a lot of special events, including this new, signature happening. Recommended for ages 21 and up, the giant block party will feature a Black Friday Gift Market, Christmas karaoke, photo opps with Hipster Santa, lighting projections, and much more. Eventgoers can enjoy food and drink specials and live music at area bars and restaurants. 7 pm-midnight.

Goodfellas at Landmark River Oaks
Now that everyone is going ga-ga over The Irishman, the latest gangster opus from Martin Scorsese, starring longtime regulars Robert De Niro and Joe Pesci — currently playing at Landmark River Oaks and on Netflix — Landmark will also be screening Scorsese's 1990 mob masterpiece as this weekend's midnight movie. This movie (which we still can't believe lost the Best Picture Oscar to Dances with Wolves so long ago) also stars De Niro and Pesci as the brutal associates of wiseguy-turned-informant Henry Hill (Ray Liotta). 11:59 pm.

Saturday, November 30

DC vs. Marvel II at Saint Arnold Brewing Company
It's the battle that will never die: DC vs. Marvel. Oh sure, DC's got the iconic superheroes: Batman, Superman, etc. But Marvel has the edgier superheroes, the ones who had to fight to prove they could protect the world. (Plus, they have the better cinematic universe.) Super Happy Incredible Toys and War'Hous Visual Artists have teamed up for this event, which will feature artwork from local artists, an eclectic vendor market, cosplay contests, and a brand-new beer garden and restaurant at Saint Arnold. Noon.

Merel and Tony at Cactus Music
For Small Business Saturday, Cactus Music will have a live performance from this alt/indie duo, who has released several EPs and composed music for such podcasts as This American Life. The pair will be performing selections from A Record Of Deported Persons, a collection of songs adapted from interviews with people who have been deported from the United States. (Tony received a grant from the city of Houston, through Houston Arts Alliance, to develop these songs.) 1 pm.

Chris D'Elia at Revention Music Center
Here's a little secret: We have some guys around the office who are big fans of Chris D'Elia. More specifically, they are big fans of his weekly podcast Congratulations with Chris D'Elia, one of many comedy podcasts where an LA-based comic rants and riffs on the world around him. But he's also a very popular comic, especially on Netflix. He's shot three specials for them, and he just shot another one in Minneapolis that's gonna drop next year. And he also has a killer Eminem impersonation. 7 and 10 pm.

Sunday, December 1

Big E's Lone Star Record Swap Meet at The Continental Club
Big E's Lone Star Record Hop Records is a local label that has given Houstonians such releases as The Ghost Storys' Subliminal Messages, Los Benders' El Mexican Custom Rackinrol and Tomcat y El Rock & Roll Combo's Grandes Bolas de Fuego. But this label is also around to hold record swap meets for thirsty vinylheads out there. For all the sellers and collectors around these parts who can't wait for another record convention to pop up, just bring a table and your records. No cover on table fees. 2-6 pm.

event-planner

Movie Review

Meta-comedy remake Anaconda coils itself into an unfunny mess

Photo by Matt Grace

Jack Black and Paul Rudd in Anaconda.

In Hollywood’s never-ending quest to take advantage of existing intellectual property, seemingly no older movie is off limits, even if the original was not well-regarded. That’s certainly the case with 1997’s Anaconda, which is best known for being a lesser entry on the filmography of Ice Cube and Jennifer Lopez, as well as some horrendous accent work by Jon Voight.

The idea behind the new meta-sequel Anaconda is arguably a good one. Four friends — Doug (Jack Black), Griff (Paul Rudd), Claire (Thandiwe Newton), and Kenny (Steve Zahn) — who made homemade movies when they were teenagers decide to remake Anaconda on a shoestring budget. Egged on by Griff, an actor who can’t catch a break, the four of them pull together enough money to fly down to Brazil, hire a boat, and film a script written by Doug.

Naturally, almost nothing goes as planned in the Amazon, including losing their trained snake and running headlong into a criminal enterprise. Soon enough, everything else takes second place to the presence of a giant anaconda that is stalking them and anyone else who crosses its path.

Written and directed by Tom Gormican, with help from co-writer Kevin Etten, the film is designed to be an outrageous comedy peppered with laugh-out-loud moments that cover up the fact that there’s really no story. That would be all well and good … if anything the film had to offer was truly funny. Only a few scenes elicit any honest laughter, and so instead the audience is fed half-baked jokes, a story with no focus, and actors who ham it up to get any kind of reaction.

The biggest problem is that the meta-ness of the film goes too far. None of the core four characters possess any interesting traits, and their blandness is transferred over to the actors playing them. And so even as they face some harrowing situations or ones that could be funny, it’s difficult to care about anything they do since the filmmakers never make the basic effort of making the audience care about them.

It’s weird to say in a movie called Anaconda, but it becomes much too focused on the snake in the second half of the film. If the goal is to be a straight-up comedy, then everything up to and including the snake attacks should be serving that objective. But most of the time the attacks are either random or moments when the characters are already scared, and so any humor that could be mined all but disappears.

Black and Rudd are comedy all-stars who can typically be counted on to elevate even subpar material. That’s not the case here, as each only scores on a few occasions, with Black’s physicality being the funniest thing in the movie. Newton is not a good fit with this type of movie, and she isn’t done any favors by some seriously bad wigs. Zahn used to be the go-to guy for funny sidekicks, but he brings little to the table in this role.

Any attempt at rebooting/remaking an old piece of IP should make a concerted effort to differentiate itself from the original, and in that way, the new Anaconda succeeds. Unfortunately, that’s its only success, as the filmmakers can never find the right balance to turn it into the bawdy comedy they seemed to want.

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Anaconda is now playing in theaters.

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