Disney's Secretariat is the talk of the box office weekend (not that all the talk is good, this horse was running a disappointing third in weekend earnings through Saturday despite heavy expectations). Based on William Nack's book of the same name, the biopic stars Diane Lane as Secretariat's owner with John Malkovich portraying the horse's trainer.

As with all great horse movies, an unlikely hero rises to the top against all odds, thanks to a trusty stead.

Secretariat's plot seems all to close to that of 2003 drama Seabiscuit. But instead of the Great Depression the film is set in the disco disaster of the '70s and Diane Lane replaces a sprightly Tobey Maguire. However, you can't have too much of a good thing, and horse movies are certainly a very good thing.

I present the top five horse movies of all time:

5. Wild Heart Can't Be Broken

Orphan Sonora Webster (Gabrielle Anwar) learns to jump off a high-dive on horseback. Wild hearts might not break, but unfortunately retinas do. In a freak accident she destroys her retinas and loses her vision. Miraculously (horse movies are all about miracles) she continues her equestrian spectacle without flaw. Mostly I just like the vintage swimsuits.

4. Hidalgo

In this 2004 action-adventure a distance-rider (Viggo Mortensen) outmaneuvers Bedouin horsemen, riding his mustang across the desert. I know they're the enemy in the story but, my god, Bedouins are scary sexy.

3. Dreamer

I only watched this movie because I confused it with the sexy Italian film Dreamers on my Netflix queue. But I still like it. Inspired by a true story, Kurt Russell and Dakota Fanning star as a father and daughter who rescue a wild stallion. Every horse-film aficionado will tell you that the intergenerational dynamic of Dreamer made great strides for the horse film genre. Plus Dakota Fanning is adorbs.

2. My Little Pony: The Movie

This powerful tearjerker puts a spin on the traditional horse film with the introduction of marine-dwelling calvary. Tough but elegant sea-ponies defeat the witch's plague of purple "schmooze." Danny Devito peaked in his career as the voice of the ponies' feared enemy, Grundle King.

1. Legend

None can hold a candle to this '80s fantasy classic. Horse film purists might argue that this doesn't fit the genre since it features unicorns. However, scientific taxonomists have reported to CultureMap that unicorns are classified as a sub-species of e ferus. This movie isn't about a silly race or defeating grundles and Bedouins. The fate of the entire world literally depends upon saving a unicorn, making it the ultimate horse film.

(Little known fact: Legend foreshadows Tom Cruise's conversion to scientology. Consider this: he entertains delusions of saving the world and insists on isolating himself and his loved ones from the evil outsiders. He even believes humans have lost their "true nature.")

From the review of horse films, I have developed a fail-proof horse screenplay: Dakota Fanning races a blind sea-unicorn against an animated version of a Bedouin Danny Devito, based on a true story.