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    Spoiler alert

    A bloody good, bad & WTF mess: Mopping up True Blood's explosive finale

    Tarra Gaines
    Aug 27, 2012 | 7:48 am
    • In the season finale, Stephen Moyer goes all Carrie on us.
    • Season five of True Blood was a bloody mess for stars, from left, Stephen Moyer,Anna Pacquin and Alexander Skarsgard
      Photo courtesy of HBO

    As season five of HBO’s gothic southern soap opera, True Blood, drew to a close Sunday night, I was reminded of the old adage about storytelling: Content must dictate form. So perhaps it’s appropriate that True Blood’s fifth season was filled with so much bloody goo, staining the rugs and furniture in every episode, that the plots became such a formless mess.

    When it’s good, True Blood works on several levels: as satisfying soap opera, as cultural satire, and as dark comedy. To achieve this balance the show always has several different plots running but usually manages to weave the majority together by the end of the season. This year the overabundance of supernatural beings, characters and themes seemed to reach a critical mass that exploded and left everyone, pretty much literally, with bloody gunk on their faces.

    Was the season about faith, fanaticism, group hierarchies, assimilation, or supernatural niche bars and nightclubs? The True Blood writers never seemed able to decide.

    Was the season about faith, fanaticism, group hierarchies, assimilation, or supernatural niche bars and nightclubs? The True Blood writers never seemed able to decide. There were many incomprehensible storylines, yet there were also moments of very funny black comedy.

    So as Bill, Eric, Sookie and Lafayette did in the first episode, let’s get our mops out and try to clean up this mess of a season.

    The Good

    Baby Vamps

    Vampire youth culture had its day, or night in their cases, as Jessica, Tara, and Reverend Steve brought the fun and poignancy this season so desperately needed.

    After years of feisty victimhood, Tara Thornton came into her own as a vampire. Once she went through some tough love therapy from maker Pam, Tara settled into vampire life with surly grace. With the exception of the slutty wardrobe, her personality has not changed much at all.

    Yes, Rev. Newlin is a vicious killer, but he has such enthusiasm for his new undead life and such a sporty sweater collection, it’s hard to stay mad at him.

    Jessica grew up on her own while her vampire daddy (Bill Compton) was stuck in the Byzantine and sometimes Bore-antine Vampire Authority plot. She started off as a party girl, was kidnapped by a vigilante hate group, and late in the season she managed to find some peace by letting her first love Hoyt go.

    Rev. Steve Newlin came out of the closet and coffin and became a cable news star for the Vampire Authority. Yes, he’s a vicious killer, but he has such enthusiasm for his new undead life and such a sporty sweater collection, it’s hard to stay mad at him. His May/December (times a thousand) romance with the 3000-year-old Russell Edgington was strangely sweet and innocent.

    Bon Temp’s new cultural critic Lafayette Reynolds
    After playing a pivotal role in several major plots in season four, Lafayette got shoved to the background this summer. Yet whether he was making Ghost jokes while cashing in on his medium skills or providing running commentary to a live faerie birth, Lafayette somehow always managed to bring some much needed snarky sanity to a crazy season.
    Jason and Sookie Stackhouse
    Since the siblings Stackhouse usually spend seasons getting into or out of romantic entanglements, it was refreshing for the two to band together to search for meaning in their faerie ancestry. However, when Jason is the voice of reason and intellect throughout the season, which he was, we know Bon Temps is in trouble.
    Russell Edgington
    The former king of Mississippi, and forever king of bad puns, got back in the game after being dug from his cement tomb. He stacked up some impressive kills and never fell under the thrall of the big villain of the season, whatever the hell the bloody apparition Lilith was supposed to be.
    While it was fitting Russell finally met the true death at Eric’s stake, I am disappointed I’ll never get to see a Russell and Steve HBO comedy spin off where Russell owes 3,000 years of back taxes, has to get a real job, and Steve stays home to raise their adopted werewolf/shapeshifter daughter. I would have totally watched that instead of Girls.

    The Bad

    The Iraqi Ifrit Plot

    Terry Bellefleur, who has been struggling with PTSD since the beginning of the show, was cursed with his own big plot line this year. Long backstory short, after Terry’s army unit killed unarmed Iraqi civilians during the war they were killed one by one by an ancient fire jinn. Not even bringing Lafayette in for an episode could save this monster of a tonal misstep they should have staked in the writers’ room.

    Too Many Naked People

    Unlike some HBO shows (looking at you Game of Thrones), True Blood is is an equal opportunity depicter of naked people, but after a while even naked people become redundant, especially if said naked people are about to be eaten by vampires or are covered in buckets of blood.

    Lame Faeries

    Back in season three Sookie came to the realization that she’s part faerie and faeries are lame. This still holds true today. Sure they shoot a kind of taser light from their fingertips, can read minds and they throw a decent rave, but when it comes to dancing and strategizing they fail miserably. Obviously the only way they’ve survived this long is their amazing ability to give birth to litters of faerie/human babies on pool tables.

    The WTF Did I Just Watch

    For many years, the show has given hints about vampire culture’s secret ruling body, so season five seemed to hold much promise that we would finally get to see the inner sanctum of the mysterious Vampire Authority.

    Unfortunately, that government storyline turned into a religion plot turned into some commentary about cults, ambition, and mindless faith before finally becoming a kind of slasher movie where one by one all the nubile vamps get offed by the crazy serial killer, who turned out to be Bill.

    Perhaps the worse aspect of this goopy plot was that we were never told what or who Lilith actually was. She was presented as that optical illusion where from one point of view we see a vase of blood and another a naked lady covered in blood but what she really wanted or why she was making appearance now was never explained.

    The final scene of this final episode was of Bill drinking the alleged blood of Lilith, dissolving into a pool of blood and then reforming as a bloody Bill.

    Though True Blood creator, Oscar-winning screenwriter Alan Ball will remain with the show as executive producer, this was his final season as showrunner, so here’s hoping that last image of a newly formed villain Bill was his promise the plots of season six will have some actual form.

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    The Holidays Are Brutal

    Free holiday rage room lets Houstonians smash the stress of the season

    Lindsey Wilson
    Dec 8, 2025 | 4:00 pm
    Pluto TV holiday rage room
    Photo courtesy of Pluto TV
    Get ready to drop-kick that pile of presents.

    Be honest: Are the holidays getting to you yet? Does the stress of shopping, wrapping, traveling, visiting, cooking, baking, decorating, and moving that darn Elf around have you ready to break something?

    Instead of attacking your lawn decorations like Clark Griswold, channel that festive frustration into a safe and controlled catharsis. For one day only, Pluto TV, the free streaming service from Paramount, is bringing a free pop-up rage room experience to Houston. Yes, free (though you do have to RSVP).

    On Thursday, December 11, from 4-10 pm, visitors can step into a holiday-themed rage room and unleash their inner action star by smashing ornaments, drop-kicking wrapping-paper disasters, and “decking” the halls.

    The tie-in is Pluto TV’s new “Holidays Are Brutal” collection, an assembly of 70-plus action films including Charlie’s Angels, Bad Boys, Rush Hour, The Expendables, Gladiator, and others that are featured all December long.

    It's all going down at Break Life, a year-round rage room located at 5805 Centralcrest St., Houston.

    Four rage rooms are available for the holiday experience on December 11. Each session is 30 minutes and accommodates up to four people, who must all be 18 and over. Reserve your slot here.

    Rage rooms were invented in Japan in 2008, first as art installations before opening as commercial endeavors worldwide in the mid-2010s.

    They really had a moment pre-pandemic, with The Real Housewives of Dallas even visiting one in 2018 (season 3, episode 6, in case you're interested) and The Bachelorette's Becca and Blake smashing it up in season 14 with some help from rapper Lil Jon.

    The Houston holiday rage room is one of several that Pluto TV is hosting around the country this season; they're also popping up in Chicago, New York, Atlanta, Washington, D.C., Fort Worth, Phoenix, Philadelphia, and Raleigh-Durham. Find out more on their website.

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