white linen night is back

13 hottest White Linen Night events in the Heights, from pub crawls to pup parties

White Linen Night is back and promises to be packed.

White Linen Nights/Facebook and Monica Kressman

One of Houston's most popular weekend events in arguably the city's buzziest 'hoods is back. White Linen Night returns to the Heights and promises to be white-hot. Taking over a small strip in the Heights, the party starts early and goes late, with folks donning their coolest white looks as they sip, shop, and shake it on Saturday, August 6.

Founded in 2006 (post-Katrina) by New Orleans transplants Chris and Kay Thayer, the night draws thousands of Heights locals and revelers from all over town. The smart play is to ride share in, as street and neighborhood parking on even a regular Saturday is a challenge — let alone White Linen Night.

With that in mind, we've rounded up a list of best White Linen Night events, listed by start time. Dress cool, drink responsibly (if applicable), and expect a jam-packed night.

Houston Young Professionals will host its official — and appropriately titled — White Linen Night Pub Crawl in The Heights. Open to the public, the event takes place in the pavilion between Tacos a Go-Go and Christian's Tailgate. Party band Mango Punch headlines, with a DJ spinning tunes. Participating watering holes include Bobcat Teddy's, Christian's Tailgate, Little Woodrow's, Onion Creek, Permission Whiskey and Public House. 11 am.

Heights Antiques on Yale, LLC will have a White Linen Night in the Heights sale and party. Shoppers can look for a 20-to-50-percent off sale on storewide items, as well as a sidewalk sale and a complimentary buffet. 10 am.

Moonshine Deck will throw a White Linen bash, complete with a selfie booth and backdrop, white linen-inspired cocktails and more. Bryan Rhymez, DJ Nonstopp and DJ Ebonix will be on hand providing the grooves. 11 am.

Benny Thunders, the self-pour wine/craft beer tavern, will have both a grand opening and a White Linen soiree. Artista Elisabet will be around to show off her murals, which celebrates the beauty and diversity of Houston. Noon.

Little Woodrow's Heights will get florescent with its shindig, also known as the White Linen Glow Party. Come light up the night at the biggest party in the Heights. They will have DJ sets all day and night, drink specials and more. Noon.

Tikila's White Linen jam will include a live set from Yacht Rock USA. That's right — listen to covers of Christopher Cross and Michael McDonald classics white rocking your white threads. There will also be a photo booth and drink specials all night. Noon.

Heights Bier Garten's White Linen gathering will include live performances from Step Rideau & the Zydeco Outlaws and Mykawa. In the middle of those sets, there will be a best-dressed contest. 4 pm.

Railway Heights Market will have its first-annual Doggy White Linen Party, presented by dog park Sit Bar. Expect live music, doggie adoption, and drinks and shopping, while supporting your local Houston businesses. Fur babies and their white-clad parents are invited to come party. 4 pm.

BB's Tex-Orleans (Houston Heights) will be turning all the way up for its White Linen night. Amin Safari will be on the main stage providing live music, and you can get a Saint Arnold H-Town Pils with any full-size po' boy. 5 pm.

Casa Ramirez FOLKART Gallery will get hella artistic for its White Linen get-together. Jesus and Maria Lozano of BOSSA ll will provide the music, while Lizbeth Ortiz and other local artists will provide the artwork. 5 pm.

Cedar Creek Bar & Grill promises a rockin' White Linen party, complete with food and drink specials, swag, dancing, and more. DJ Dayta will get the party going and warm you up for The Moment HTX to rock all through the night. 6 pm.

Onion Creek Cafe will also be rocking hard for its White Linen festivities. We're talking about a parking-lot party, complete with an air-conditioned VIP tent. Shotgun Sally will be on the main stage and DJ Fredster will drop the all-night beats. 6 pm.

La Coqueta and dance school Two to Tango will host their first White Linen party. Celebrate art, culture, and community in the Heights — and, maybe, learn how to get your tango on. 7 pm.

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Movie Review

Meta-comedy remake Anaconda coils itself into an unfunny mess

Photo by Matt Grace

Jack Black and Paul Rudd in Anaconda.

In Hollywood’s never-ending quest to take advantage of existing intellectual property, seemingly no older movie is off limits, even if the original was not well-regarded. That’s certainly the case with 1997’s Anaconda, which is best known for being a lesser entry on the filmography of Ice Cube and Jennifer Lopez, as well as some horrendous accent work by Jon Voight.

The idea behind the new meta-sequel Anaconda is arguably a good one. Four friends — Doug (Jack Black), Griff (Paul Rudd), Claire (Thandiwe Newton), and Kenny (Steve Zahn) — who made homemade movies when they were teenagers decide to remake Anaconda on a shoestring budget. Egged on by Griff, an actor who can’t catch a break, the four of them pull together enough money to fly down to Brazil, hire a boat, and film a script written by Doug.

Naturally, almost nothing goes as planned in the Amazon, including losing their trained snake and running headlong into a criminal enterprise. Soon enough, everything else takes second place to the presence of a giant anaconda that is stalking them and anyone else who crosses its path.

Written and directed by Tom Gormican, with help from co-writer Kevin Etten, the film is designed to be an outrageous comedy peppered with laugh-out-loud moments that cover up the fact that there’s really no story. That would be all well and good … if anything the film had to offer was truly funny. Only a few scenes elicit any honest laughter, and so instead the audience is fed half-baked jokes, a story with no focus, and actors who ham it up to get any kind of reaction.

The biggest problem is that the meta-ness of the film goes too far. None of the core four characters possess any interesting traits, and their blandness is transferred over to the actors playing them. And so even as they face some harrowing situations or ones that could be funny, it’s difficult to care about anything they do since the filmmakers never make the basic effort of making the audience care about them.

It’s weird to say in a movie called Anaconda, but it becomes much too focused on the snake in the second half of the film. If the goal is to be a straight-up comedy, then everything up to and including the snake attacks should be serving that objective. But most of the time the attacks are either random or moments when the characters are already scared, and so any humor that could be mined all but disappears.

Black and Rudd are comedy all-stars who can typically be counted on to elevate even subpar material. That’s not the case here, as each only scores on a few occasions, with Black’s physicality being the funniest thing in the movie. Newton is not a good fit with this type of movie, and she isn’t done any favors by some seriously bad wigs. Zahn used to be the go-to guy for funny sidekicks, but he brings little to the table in this role.

Any attempt at rebooting/remaking an old piece of IP should make a concerted effort to differentiate itself from the original, and in that way, the new Anaconda succeeds. Unfortunately, that’s its only success, as the filmmakers can never find the right balance to turn it into the bawdy comedy they seemed to want.

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Anaconda is now playing in theaters.

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