There is an endless fascination with contract riders for good reason. This is how we find out what type of private jet Sarah Palin prefers — and get confirmation that Mariah Carey really is a loon.
You always wanted to believe that music star Rihanna was normal. That's how she came across. Even with all the glitz and sudden success, she seemed somewhat grounded. She even fell in with an charismatic abusive boyfriend, a situation a lot of young women find themselves in.
But anytime you think you know someone in the public eye, you don't.
Rihanna's tour rider has come out though — and it mostly confirms that she's no diva. The 22-year-old multi-millionaire's "demands" center on a couch big enough to take a nap on, animal print pillows with no sequins (sequins aren't exactly good for snoozing), a clean rug and a thoroughly scrubbed toilet. Like, you wouldn't want your work toilet spotless if you could require it?
Considering some of the concert acts that frequent the rooms where Rihanna relaxes before a show, these are mild, extremely practical demands.
That hasn't stopped some less-than-sophisticated publications from running blaring headlines like, "Rihanna's bizarre backstage requests" and Rihanna's "Demanding Tour Rider." Even the Wall Street Journal focuses on Rihanna's Deep Clean toilet provision as if that's some outrageous request.
Sorry, nothing crazy to see here. Just a refreshingly normal young star.
In Hollywood’s never-ending quest to take advantage of existing intellectual property, seemingly no older movie is off limits, even if the original was not well-regarded. That’s certainly the case with 1997’s Anaconda, which is best known for being a lesser entry on the filmography of Ice Cube and Jennifer Lopez, as well as some horrendous accent work by Jon Voight.
The idea behind the new meta-sequel Anaconda is arguably a good one. Four friends — Doug (Jack Black), Griff (Paul Rudd), Claire (Thandiwe Newton), and Kenny (Steve Zahn) — who made homemade movies when they were teenagers decide to remake Anaconda on a shoestring budget. Egged on by Griff, an actor who can’t catch a break, the four of them pull together enough money to fly down to Brazil, hire a boat, and film a script written by Doug.
Naturally, almost nothing goes as planned in the Amazon, including losing their trained snake and running headlong into a criminal enterprise. Soon enough, everything else takes second place to the presence of a giant anaconda that is stalking them and anyone else who crosses its path.
Written and directed by Tom Gormican, with help from co-writer Kevin Etten, the film is designed to be an outrageous comedy peppered with laugh-out-loud moments that cover up the fact that there’s really no story. That would be all well and good … if anything the film had to offer was truly funny. Only a few scenes elicit any honest laughter, and so instead the audience is fed half-baked jokes, a story with no focus, and actors who ham it up to get any kind of reaction.
The biggest problem is that the meta-ness of the film goes too far. None of the core four characters possess any interesting traits, and their blandness is transferred over to the actors playing them. And so even as they face some harrowing situations or ones that could be funny, it’s difficult to care about anything they do since the filmmakers never make the basic effort of making the audience care about them.
It’s weird to say in a movie called Anaconda, but it becomes much too focused on the snake in the second half of the film. If the goal is to be a straight-up comedy, then everything up to and including the snake attacks should be serving that objective. But most of the time the attacks are either random or moments when the characters are already scared, and so any humor that could be mined all but disappears.
Black and Rudd are comedy all-stars who can typically be counted on to elevate even subpar material. That’s not the case here, as each only scores on a few occasions, with Black’s physicality being the funniest thing in the movie. Newton is not a good fit with this type of movie, and she isn’t done any favors by some seriously bad wigs. Zahn used to be the go-to guy for funny sidekicks, but he brings little to the table in this role.
Any attempt at rebooting/remaking an old piece of IP should make a concerted effort to differentiate itself from the original, and in that way, the new Anaconda succeeds. Unfortunately, that’s its only success, as the filmmakers can never find the right balance to turn it into the bawdy comedy they seemed to want.
