Who says celebrities never wear the same thing twice?
Lindsay Lohan, for one, is recycling one of her most famous fashions. The alcohol-monitoring SCRAM bracelet she was court-ordered to wear this week is actually an old favorite. She was first outfitted with the device in 2007, although this time around she's at least got the latest design — this version is said to be slightly less bulky than last season's model.
Even funnier than the purported ways to beat the bracelet (the Daily News suggests stuffing a slice of baloney in between the sensor and your ankle, or doing your drinking with one foot in an ice bath) are the overbearing parents apparently asking if they can slap one on their kids.
Um, no. Get a grip, people. And please ignore spokesperson for the maker Kathleen Brown, who all-too-eagerly tells the Associated Press, "that might be a market down the road."
To the parents who want to put a device designed for repeat offenders in the justice system on their teenagers (probably the types of parents who leashed those kids in their toddler years): Are you for real?
That's up there with installing GPS trackers in their cars, listening in on their phone calls and stalking their social media accounts. Oh, God — I'm giving them ideas.
An equally effective method might be to do what Dina and Michael Lohan obviously didn't — parent. Try it, it's all the rage.
Sarah Pidgeon, Madelyn Cline and Chase Sui Wonders in I Know What You Did Last Summer.
When the original I Know What You Did Last Summer came out in 1997, it was riding the coattails of Scream, which came out in 1996. Like that film, it featured hot young actors of the time, albeit with a story that was much more standard than the inventive Scream. Still, it made enough of an impact for some studio executive to think it was worth reviving nearly 30 years later with its own legacy-quel.
In the new I Know What You Did Last Summer, a group of five high school friends — Danica (Madelyn Cline), Ava (Chase Sui Wonders), Milo (Jonah Hauer-King), Teddy (Tyriq Withers), and Stevie (Sarah Pidgeon) — have reunited at the engagement party for Danica and Teddy on the 4th of July. While on an impromptu trip to watch fireworks on a twisty road in the nearby hills, Teddy goofs off in the middle of the road, causing a truck to swerve and drive off the cliff.
A year later, having sworn to each other to not speak of the accident to anybody, they start getting stalked by a mysterious person in a fisherman’s slicker carrying a hook. With Teddy’s rich father, Grant (Billy Campbell), actively trying to cover up what his son did (as well as the fallout), it’s up to the group to figure out who is coming after them and how to stop that person.
Written and directed by Jennifer Kaytin Robinson, and co-written by Sam Lansky, the film doesn’t try to reinvent the wheel; in fact, it barely builds something that can roll. It might just be the laziest and most incompetent attempt to capitalize on an existing piece of intellectual property. There is almost zero effort put into establishing a connection between the members of the friend group, making them feel like strangers for the entire film.
It doesn’t help that the young male actors in the film — which grows to include Wyatt (Joshua Orpin), a new fiance for Danica — serve no purpose other than to be generically good-looking. The most impactful of the men in the film is the returning Freddie Prinze, Jr., who — along with Jennifer Love Hewitt — has his old character from the first two films shoehorned into the new story. The filmmakers undercut any good feelings from their return by giving them hardly anything to do and then having Hewitt deliver the line, “Nostalgia is overrated.”
The film as a whole never has a sense of momentum. The inciting incident is so tame — they even attempt to save the driver before the truck goes off the cliff — that the guilt they feel and the anger of the person going after them doesn’t feel warranted. Once the attacks start, it is shocking at how low-energy the sequences are, providing no sense of suspense or thrills. The filmmakers resort to the lamest of horror movie tropes, turning the film into a paint-by-numbers affair.
Cline (one of the stars of Netflix’s Outer Banks) and Wonders (The Studio on Apple TV+, Bodies Bodies Bodies) are the clear stars of the film, but their characters are made into inert scream queens, negating any acting talent they possess. Hauer-King, Withers, and Pidgeon don’t bring anything interesting to their characters, existing merely to have someone else for the killer to go after.
Even the worst films can have some kind of redeeming value if you look hard enough, but the only thing I Know What You Did Last Summer has to offer is that it becomes so comically bad by the end that you can’t help but laugh at its ineptitude. Both fans of the original and fans of horror movies in general will feel cheated by the experience.
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I Know What You Did Last Summer opens in theaters on July 18.
