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    Letter from LA

    Signs of Life: Widowed with a child at 25, my sister-in-law survived throughstrong family ties

    Ellie Knaus
    Apr 17, 2011 | 9:50 am
    • Natalie Taylor and son, Kai Taylor
      Photo by Brett Mountain
    • Josh and Natalie Taylor
    • Natalie with her newborn, Kai Taylor

    I joke that I married my husband for his family. They’re remarkable characters as illustrated in my sister-in-law Natalie Taylor's new memoir Signs of Life (Broadway Books, $24). Natalie was a 24-year-old high school English teacher and expecting her first child when her husband passed away. Her memoir is an inspiring, honest, and laugh out loud funny account of her nearly simultaneous crash-courses in widowhood and motherhood.

    It takes a village to raise a child. Natalie assembles a stellar cast. Her parents, siblings, in-laws, and friends help her cope and raise her son. This is how I was inducted into that village before Natalie knew she'd need one.

    I met a boy in a bar in L.A. in May. He took me to meet his family in Michigan in June. Dad/Vito is a burly man with a thick mustache (to hide hockey scars) and punishing bear hugs. Mom/Lynn is a natural beauty with enthusiasm to spare, who keeps her figure by mowing the lawn while rocking out to her iPod.They were college sweethearts, and after raising four kids, they're still crazy for each other.

    The moment I first stepped into their home, I thought: So, this is what Dorothy was prattling on about! Fridge photos were proof of all the happy moments: Homecoming dances, college graduations, his sister Natalie and brother-in-law Josh dancing at their wedding the December before. It was clear this was a magic family. I wanted to be adopted immediately. A month later, we were engaged.

    Over the next year, we planned our wedding. I asked my husband's three sisters to be my bridesmaids. We chose baby-bump friendly empire-waist bridesmaid dresses as Natalie, the middle sister, was expecting her first child. Adam asked his sisters' husbands to be his co-best men. The ceremony would be a family affair on top of Aspen Mountain.

    And then, our lives came to a halt. Josh fell and hit his head while carveboarding (a modified skateboard used to practice snowboarding and surfing). He was pronounced dead at age 27 on Father’s Day with a baby boy on the way. With six weeks until our wedding, my new family was broken.

    Natalie addressed over a thousand people at Josh's memorial. She stood in a black maternity dress and read the following:

    …My older brother Adam is getting married this July. A few months ago Adam and his fiancée Ellie created a website featuring all of the wedding party with small, concise biographies. Josh’s biography reads as follows:

    QUESTION: If Superman and the Flash raced to the end of the Universe, who would win? ANSWER: Josh Taylor. Yes, the groom’s Brother from Another Mother is a superhero. If Lance Armstrong, Indiana Jones, Jack Bauer, Emeril, and the cast of Jackass had a baby—a blond barrel-chested baby who was addicted to Moomer’s ice cream—it would be Josh or Diz (or “Dizzle” if you’re addressing him formally).

    Anytime our wedding came up, all I could think was who wants to toast to love and eat cake? Happily ever after? What a joke.

    I thought maybe we should postpone the wedding. I didn’t have cold feet. I felt the opposite of cold feet. Natalie mentioned building a family compound. That wasn't radical enough for me. I wanted to build a commune where we would not only live together, but where I could monitor where everyone was at all times. The Sztykiel's basement would do. Walls could be padded. All risk would be averted. Not even driving would be allowed.

    But then, one evening, I logged onto our wedding website for the first time since the accident. There was one single new comment on the guest page. From Josh. He had posted it just days before he passed. For the first time, I read about how he couldn't wait for our wedding. He wrote how he planned to rent a bike to screech down the mountain after the ceremony. He signed the post “Dizzle.” Josh believed in love and family and living big. He did not believe in padded walls and safety nets.

    The note was his blessing. It was a sign.

    Six weeks later, I married the Sztykiels on top of a mountain. I was just beginning my marriage and Natalie was seven months pregnant and a widow. She wore her plum chiffon bridesmaid dress, gripped a bouquet of poppies, and forced herself to smile in the wedding portraits. She did it for us. You could feel our family's raw love for one another. I took a vow that I would cherish these people as dearly as Josh had.

    Over the next year, Natalie kept a journal as a means of dealing with her grief. Her memoir Signs of Life emerged from these entries.It overflows with wonderful characters from literature, pop culture, and the suburbs of Detroit. It’s a window into the world of my magic family and a testament to their resilience. You will laugh and cry with them and wish they were your family too.

    It's true: I totally married my husband for his family.

    You can follow former Houstonian Ellie Knaus' adventures at EllieinLA.com.

    See the video about the book, SIgns of Life, which is available at Amazon and bookstores.

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    Movie Review

    Over-the-top acting and incoherent plot drag down Her Private Hell

    Alex Bentley
    Jul 23, 2026 | 3:00 pm
    Sophie Thatcher in Her Private Hell
    Photo courtesy of Neon
    Sophie Thatcher in Her Private Hell.

    Danish filmmaker Nicolas Winding Refn is not someone who plays nice with the general film world. His 2011 film Drive introduced him to American audiences in a big way, but that pulsating thriller was followed up with artier films like Only God Forgives and The Neon Demon that eschewed coherent plots in favor of moody, atmospheric pieces.

    Winding Refn, who hasn’t made a feature film in 10 years, has gone fully down the rabbit hole with Her Private Hell. Taking place in a liminal space that kind of resembles Earth but also feels like someone’s dreams/nightmares, the film focuses on Elle (Sophie Thatcher), an actor currently starring in a sci-fi film. Staying at a hotel with newcomer Hunter (Kristine Froseth), the two bond over their shared passion and the legend of Elle’s father, Johnny Thunders (Dougray Scott), who’s now married to Elle’s friend Dominique (Havana Rose Liu).

    After spending a good amount of (mostly incomprehensible) time with that group, Refn introduces Private K (Charles Melton), who seems to be living in post-World War II Japan. He is looking for his daughter, who might have been taken by a mysterious figure known as “Leatherman,” and he will stop at nothing to find her, fighting whoever stands in his way.

    It becomes clear almost right away that Winding Refn has no desire to engage in traditional storytelling in this film. The main characters wander through neon-drenched streets and buildings, which are often surrounded by a mist that is referred to on multiple occasions but never explained. Everyone speaks as if in a constant state of wonderment, and there are many moments where it’s unclear if events are actually happening, part of a movie-within-a-movie, or something else entirely.

    Unlike his previous films, Winding Refn has taken the characters in this film completely out of the real world, with every scene taking place in a sparsely decorated room or street that is obviously a movie set. While there are moments where this decision really works, especially the striking first shot of a human-like figure mixed in with a cityscape and clouds, most of the time it only adds to the stilted nature of the film as a whole.

    In fact, the entire movie has the feel of an avant-garde theater exercise. Every actor seems to be trying to outdo the others with awkward performances and out-sized reactions. Two very specific characters make appearances in both sides of the story for seemingly no reason other than to inject their weirdness into both spaces. The shocking violence that crops up on occasion would have more of an impact if it was related to anything intelligible.

    Thatcher (Companion) and Liu (Tuner) are among the young stars who have had breakout moments in recent years, but neither of them is served well by this hot mess of a movie. They, along with Melton, still demonstrate the talent they possess, but the oddity of the film weighs them down. Scott makes an impression for all the wrong reasons, while Froseth is called upon to play a character who might as well not be there at all.

    If there’s any kind of message that Winding Refn was trying to convey with Her Private Hell, it’s lost among the flashing lights, overload of pink, and jewel-like structures. Filmmakers who try to make art for art’s sake have a place in the world, but this film too often feels like people are making things up as they go, with no real goal in mind.

    ---

    Her Private Hell opens in theaters on July 24.

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