This Week in Loving
Don't call it a guilty pleasure: the life lessons of Teen Mom
On my 20th birthday, I drank a toast to never being a teenage mother. Seriously. It was up there with being sold into white slavery and having an accidental frontal lobotomy as things that could immediately and irrevocably ruin my life.
I’m now in my mid-twenties and still happily childless, but between Juno, Jamie-Lynn Spears and the media circus surrounding the so-called pregnancy pact of a handful of girls in Massachusetts, teen motherhood is bigger than ever. Last year the teen pregnancy rate rose for the first time in a decade—who would have thought that undermining the value of contraception and telling kids to just wait until they got married would be less than a sparkling success!
Never one to miss a trend, MTV debuted 16 and Pregnant in the summer of 2009, following six girls from middle America in a documentary format as they deal with pregnancy, birth and raising a baby.
I first tuned in to see what a train wreck it would be. While a couple of the girls come from stable, middle-class families, more are from the lower side of the economic spectrum, and the trashy mannerisms and arguments provide for plenty of unintended comedy, particularly when one boyfriend goes to Wal-Mart to buy an engagement ring, spending $20.64 before asking about the return policy.
But for every laughable moment there is more than enough pathos. Far from glamorizing teenage motherhood, the girls struggle to continue their education, fight with their parents, accept the limitations inherent to their situations and make decisions about their new families far beyond their maturity levels. In one episode, 17-year-old Ebony and her boyfriend go to an Air Force recruiting office and she learns that only one parent in a family can join the military. As her lifelong dream of service is yanked away in a moment in favor of her loser boyfriend who barely managed to graduate high school, she sits there in silent acceptance. On my couch, I wept.
Needless to say, I was hooked. By the time MTV followed with Teen Mom, which followed four of the same girls in their first year of motherhood, I dropped any pretense of being judgmental. Their lives are difficult in part because of choices they made, but I see their struggles and know that there but for the grace of God go I. They are flawed, but I am in their corner, watching as they learn and grow and overcome their obstacles.
There’s Maci, a former honors student who matures virtually overnight into a spectacular, loving mom, only to deal with Ryan, her unemployed fiancé who acts like a child himself, going out every night, making no effort to get a job and offering no help or support—did I mention he’s five years her senior? Maci eventually defies the pressure from their parents to get married and decides she’d rather make it on her own than suffer in Ryan’s neglect and contempt. Hopefully the show will serve as a permanent warning for every woman to stay as far away from this toolbag as possible.
Amber, also engaged and living with her fiancé, has a misery that is palpable. Her fiancé seems at his selfish worst whenever she attempts to improve her situation, trying to get her G.E.D. and a job so that she isn’t forever dependent on him. A job and government programs give Amber extra help to move out and improve their relationship, ending a painful cycle of verbal abuse.
Couple Catelynn and Tyler look younger than the other parents, but their maturity is unparalleled. Their episode of 16 and Pregnant was among the most heart-wrenching, as they decided to give their baby up for adoption against the wishes of their parents. Teen Mom shows that their magnanimous decision was not without its own consequences and mental anguish, but in their strong and open relationship they find the support they need.
Then there’s controversial former cheerleader Farrah, villified by Internet commenters for daring to attempt to maintain a social life while a mother and for fighting with her parents, who support her as she works and completes culinary school. (Although the episode where her parents find her birth control and tell her she doesn’t need any because she’s not allowed to have sex is especially horrifying.) In exchange for not bearing the full weight of her single motherhood, Farrah is followed around by her mother, who criticizes her every move, insults her parenting, and then wonders why Farrah is upset.
By the end of the series, Farrah has improved as a mom but her relationship with her mother seems to worsen. After slapping Farrah on 16 and Pregnant (and calling her “antichrist-like”), last month she was arrested in a domestic dispute and charged with assault for allegedly choking and hitting Farrah, brandishing two knives she refused to put down when police arrived on the scene.
When the second season of 16 and Pregnant premieres tomorrow, it’ll be hard to trade this quartet of young adults for 10 new petulant, unprepared teens. But as much as Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant are symbols of a societal problem not often addressed rationally and thoughtfully, their determination to succeed gives me hope.
After all, if these girls can grow into strong, loving mothers, than maybe, someday, so can I.
