Who Dat

Now with video: We know why you really tune in - CultureMap covers the SuperBowl commercials

I love a good underdog story, but I'll be tuning in to the Super Bowl tonight for the same reason I do every year: The commercials. So keep your computer nearby, trained on CultureMap and your finger at the refresh-button ready to read along with me as I watch and rate the ads here.

Several spots are already generating buzz (the ad geniuses at Budweiser have managed to find a fresh take on office nudity, and Tim Tebow is stealing some more time in the spotlight as a crusader for Focus on the Family). Come back at kickoff and let's see what nearly $3 million will get you. (Hint: 30 seconds to make your brand go viral).

You can find all the ads and commentary here tonight in real time.

Here are my favorites, in no particular order: The rest can be found here.

And a heartfelt congratulations to the New Orleans Saints for their first-ever Super Bowl trip and win. Wish I were on Bourbon!

8:28 p.m. - If I see one more advertisement for a CBS show... I'll probably keep blogging. But I'll be ticked!

8:22 p.m. - Mr. Barkley does not have a future in the music bizz.

8:14 p.m. - I know we're not at commercial, but I must say... WHO DAT.

8:10 p.m. - Hmm, not how I remembered Dante. And Budweiser Clydesdales are some of the most beautiful animals I've ever seen.

8:01 p.m. - Found the Vizio ad utterly terrifying. The Emerald nuts spot? Makes me want to lose weight — I think it's probably the Shamu association.

7:45 p.m. - Okay, screenshots of Google searches are only funny when they're inappropriate.

7:38 p.m. - Am I the only one totally creeped out by the talking e-trade babies?? I don't care if they're hilarious, they're freaky! Milka-what?

7:34 p.m. - Anyone else heard the rumor they're making another movie about the Griswolds?

7:24 p.m. - Loved the VW punch buggie commercial. Brings back fond childhood memories and fonder memories of my junior-year roadtrip to Panama City for Spring Break. Ah, what a way to pass the time.

7:14 p.m. - I know my parents don't agree, but I'm ready for some more current half-time entertainment. Also, CBS bought all of its own ad space, evidently. A final note... J.Lo is giving movies another go? Le sigh.

6:46 p.m. - I want to watch FloTV with my iPad. Can't help myself.

6:41 p.m. - Alert PETA, Polamalu abuse.

6:37 p.m - I was expecting the Dodge Charger commercial to be another installment of the Dove for men campaign. Great ad, although a questionable ultimate vehicle.

6:26 p.m. - As one who never made it onto the LOST bandwagon, I think I might've tuned in it were more like that Bud Light commercial. Logan says of the Dove for men commercial, "Wow. I think I just saw most of my friends' lives flash before my eyes."

6:22 p.m. - Whoever decided to follow up CareerBuilder's pants-less commercial with another no-pants bit should've reconsidered. So much pasty skin, so fast.

6:20 p.m. - Conan didn't get an invite to the Leno, Letterman and Winfrey shindig?

6:10 p.m. - Hi, I'm Joe Montana, and I've never worn these shoes in my life.

6:06 p.m. - Budweiser, I can always count on you. Currently playing with my host's autotune iPhone app. I'm feeling inspired. Also, kudos to Doritos for taking calling in sick to a new level.

6:03 p.m. - GoDaddy? Go away.

5:50 p.m. - And so it begins. Nothing has left a lasting impression so far, but I will say this: I love Betty White. She can do no wrong in my eyes and always such a good sport (no pun intended). Doritos? This is physical humor fail. Perhaps look to Budweiser for inspiration; they always manage to play it well.

We also saw the first of Tim Tebow's Focus on the Family ad, and I get the feeling we'll be seeing more. How many spots did they buy, I wonder?

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Movie Review

Action-packed Kraven the Hunter showcases gritty Marvel antihero

Photo by Jay Maidment

Aaron Taylor-Johnson in Kraven the Hunter.

One of the oddest things about the blockbuster era we live in is that while Disney owns the rights to the majority of Marvel comic book characters, Sony Pictures owns the rights to Spider-Man and any affiliated characters. Since they’re sharing Spider-Man himself with Disney, Sony has been trying to capitalize on those rights by making stand-alone films using niche characters that only comic book fanatics would know.

Having exhausted Venom and whiffed on attempts with Morbius and Madame Web, they’re trying again with Kraven the Hunter. Also known as Sergei Kravinoff, Kraven (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) is a self-styled vigilante who, as the film tells it, travels the world exacting vengeance on the truly bad people of the world. He’s the son of Nikolai (Russell Crowe), a hard-edged Russian oligarch, and brother to Dmitri (Fred Hechinger), who is relatively weak compared to the rest of his family.

The origin story has Kraven gaining his animal-like powers - including super-strength, speed, and jumping abilities - as a teenager from a mysterious serum given to him by a girl named Calypso (played as an adult by Ariana DeBose) after he was mauled by a lion. The two maintain a tenuous partnership as adults, with Calypso helping him hunt down other villains like Aleksei Sytsevich (Alessandro Nivola) and The Foreigner (Christopher Abbott).

Directed by J.C. Chandor and written by Richard Wenk, Art Marcum, and Matt Holloway, the film looks and feels enormously lazy, something made merely to hold on to potentially valuable intellectual property. Other than the tense family dynamic between the Kravinovs, little makes sense in the story. Kraven has an indecipherable moral code that has him going after poachers - because he’s part lion? - in addition to other high-powered criminals, with no clear goal except to … get back at his father?

The laziness extends to the action scenes, which feature Kraven being mostly impervious to any damage, whether it’s hand-to-hand combat, knives, or guns. The CGI-heavy scenes don’t even allow moviegoers to enjoy an R-rated bloody free-for-all, as all of the blood splatter is computer-generated, too. Since apparently one Spider-Man villain is not enough, three others make appearances with abilities that are under-explained and CGI that is poorly done.

That’s not even counting Calypso, another Spider-Man villain whose purpose in this film is nebulous at best. Her early connection with Kraven is so coincidental as to be laughable, and her continued reasons for helping him as an adult strain credulity as well. The only saving grace of her presence is that the filmmakers don’t try to shoehorn romance into the plot; perhaps they’re saving that for the (inevitable?) sequel.

Taylor-Johnson has had one of the most prolific-yet-anonymous careers in modern Hollywood, with appearances in big films like The Fall Guy, Bullet Train, and Tenet that have made very little impact. Even as the star here, he fails to hold your attention, with the story and visuals doing him no favors. DeBose has followed up her Oscar win for West Side Story with schlock like I.S.S., Argylle, and this, which doesn’t bode well for her career. At least Crowe gets to chew the scenery.

With a contractual inability to mention the name “Spider-Man,” movies like Kraven the Hunter exist in a weird area that forces filmmakers to make up stories for characters to which most people have no attachment. And just like Sony’s previous efforts, it is a very poor way to spend two hours in a movie theater; avoid at all costs.

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Kraven the Hunter opens in theaters on December 13.

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