It's the 118th birthday of fantasy fiction author J.R.R. Tolkien, which means that losers fantasy lit fanatics worldwide will be raising a cup to the deceased scribe. The Tolkien Society's website instructs Tolkien-devotees to stand, lift a drink and declare, "The Professor" before taking a swig. Afterwards, participants are instructed to "Sit and enjoy the rest of your drink."

If the forums on the website are any indication, the entire globe is riled up for tonight's bash. Megan Abrahmson of Albuquerque shares, "JRR Tolkien defines who I am today in so many ways." Megan indicates that she will be sipping on Scotch this evening. In Berlin, Marcell Bülles will be drinking "decent beer." "Thank you for bringing us all together," he writes. From Udine, Italy, Sabrina Giuriceo will raise a flute of Prosecco as she declares, "Al Professore!!!"

Sorry, but seriously, are there not other more glamorous dead celeb birthdays to commemorate? We've done the hard work for you, scouring the world's cemeteries for notable names. All you have to do is pick up the party hats.

Anna Nicole Smith

The screening of her train wreck reality show is optional, but you'll want to get on TrimSpa stat if you aim to get her look by her Nov. 28 birthday. A pilgrimage to her hometown of Mexia makes for a well-rounded Anna Nicole tribute.

Tupac Shakur

Say what you will about Pac's ambiguous mortality: he was shot four times and died in Las Vegas from internal bleeding 15 years ago. Commemorate the Harlem native's birth on June 16 with a trip back East and Machiavelli audio books. Or, if you're a member of Outlawz, you can roll a joint and smoke Tupac's ashes mixed with marijuana.

Julia Child

Mark your calendar for a gastronomic delight on Aug. 15. Wigs are encouraged, and as the French wine pours, the accent impressions will only get better. P.S., Amy Adams: You're not invited.

Kurt Cobain

Flannel: It is time. Grunge attire is requisite on April 15, but CultureMap discourages heroin overdoses. Any mention of Courtney Love will result in your dismissal.

Edie Sedgwick

Once again, we discourage heroin usage, but that doesn't mean you can't pretend to be a Factory girl for the night, especially since Sedgwick's celebration falls on April 20. That means black leotards, mini dresses and chandelier earrings. Your 15 minutes has arrived.

Jesus

Finally, an excuse to bring out the gladiator sandals that went out of style in 2009. It's also a chance to not shave for at least a week and show off your sexy lower ab muscles, or, lacking them, your 1,000-thread count Egyptian cotton sheets-turned toga.

Oscar Wilde

Here's your reason to take a jaunt to Paris. In autumn (he was born on Oct. 16), the air is crisp and all of the leaves have fallen near Wilde's grave in Père Lachaise. Ascots and Earnest-ness are key. Perk: Unless the celebration really gets out of hand, nobody will convict you of gross indecency.

Michael Jackson

The dancing. The Jheri curl. The porcelain white makeup. On August 29, make it happen. Screening Free Willy is ultimately your call.

Liberace

He was born on May 16, 1919, in West Allis, Wis., but all you need to know is that he would have loved Ke$ha. You have a little over four months to stock up on sequins.

Virginia Woolf

Who's afraid of January 25? Inaugurating a modernist Bloomsbury book club is an obvious method of celebration, but if you're short on time, just stream The Hours on Netflix.