I ran into Travis Herzog, Channel 13’s chief meteorologist (don’t worry, nobody was hurt) last week when I covered the ceremony naming a street outside the station for Dave Ward, the legendary news anchor. (More on that monumental event here.)

Last year, I put Herzog on the hot seat about this whole “feels like” vs. actual temperature thing. At the Dave Ward event, Herzog told me, “I remember when you promised to stop poking fun at weather forecasters after Hurricane Harvey and you really did stop.”

I did? Well, I take it back.

When “history” is no weather indicator

Why am I back to poking fun at weather forecaster, Travis? I just read a story by the staff meteorologist at the San Antonio Express-News telling us — historically speaking — this is the week when the average high temperature starts to dip in Southeast Texas, degree by degree over the next few months until Houston’s “fall” sets in.

I’m sure the meteorologist is “historically” (key word) accurate on his timetable, but why bluff us about the temperature starting to go down ... when the 7-day forecast for Houston calls for 100-plus degrees with no letup in sight?

According to National Weather Service data, the normal average high should (another key word) be 95 for the next week or two, then drop a degree, then another and another, as we wind toward football season.

By November, our average high should be a cool, comfortable 77 degrees. Good one, Shecky Weather Service.

Words matter

That’s the problem with “should” and “historically speaking.” That was then and this is now. And now is scorching hot in Houston: 15 consecutive 100-plus days and counting. The record books may say that temperatures should start declining this week, but like when Army plays Navy — or, the summer of 2023 — you throw out the record books.

I lived in Phoenix before moving to Houston. Phoenix is the hottest major city in the U.S.

But I swear: I never felt heat in Phoenix like I’m feeling in Houston this summer.

The meteorologist says a weak cold front may approach Southeast Texas this week bringing a chance of rain. That’s another thing, you must stop saying “cold front” when the temperature is going to be 100 degrees. Say “less record-breaking insanely hot front.”

It’s not a “cold front” when you sweat through your socks, your eye balls are burning, and you don’t know if you’re going to make it walking from the parking lot into Target.

Does this look like a "cold front?"Screenshot via ABC13

You know how the heat blasts you when you open the oven door to check on your Thanksgiving turkey? It’s the same thing opening your front door and stepping outside in Houston this summer. My electric bill was $650 in July and I set the house thermostat on 75. My dog barely makes it to the corner before giving me that “I’ll hold it in until the sun goes down” look.

It’s not just Houston on the hot seat. July 4 was Earth’s hottest day in more than 100,000 years — the average worldwide temperature, including the North Pole and Antarctica, was 63 degrees. The previous world record was 62.4 degrees set on August 14, 2016 and tied on July 24, 2022.

According to data compiled at George Bush Intercontinental Airport, the hottest stretch in Houston is from July 29 to August 12. That’s when Houston’s average high typically is 96 degrees.

You remember 96 degrees, right? Practically brrr.

Shady temperature readings

The whole temperature thing is a phony, anyway. Why?

As Travis Herzog reminded me, The National Weather Service takes the official temperature in Houston inside a ventilated box, a few feet off the ground, in the shade, in a grassy field at Bush Intercontinental Airport. That's far from concrete, asphalt, buildings, cars, and sweaty people.

So yeah, the weather forecaster is right — it’s only 102 degrees … if you’re a squirrel who enjoys the country life.

-----

Contact Ken Hoffman at ken@culturemap.com or on Twitter.