Pethouse Pet of the Week:
Name: Choco, short for Chocolate. Just a suggestion: someone once told me, never give a dog a name that has an "o" sound at the end. It will confuse the dog when you say "no!" So feel free to change Choco's name.
Birthdate: Nov. 26, 2016, right around Thanksgiving. You know what that means: turkey for my birthday dinner.
Ethnicity: I'm little bit Labrador Retriever, a little bit dachshund. Sort of like Donny and Marie were a little country, a little bit rock 'n' roll. (Except I'm listenable.) I weigh 37 pounds and I'm fixed, fisky 'n' fun.
Come and get me: I'm available for adoption at 11 am Friday at Citizens for Animal Protection (17555 Katy Freeway; 281-497-0591). Tell them, "Ken sent me."
Choco's chatter: Reportedly lots of liberals are canceling their SiriusXM subscriptions because the satellite radio service has hired controversial conservative Steve Bannon to host a show. I get it, completely understand. But conservatives should call and say they're canceling, too. Because if you threaten to quit, SiriusXM will offer to take 40 percent off your monthly bill. Conservatives are all about cutting spending, right? This sometimes works with your cable TV provider, too.
Who plays Ken in his movie?
A new movie called The Post is getting excellent reviews. It's about the inner workings of the Washington Post newspaper in 1971. Meryl Streep plays publisher Katharine Graham and Tom Hanks is editor Ben Bradlee. You know what would make a more interesting movie? The Houston Chronicle in 2017. I'm hiring myself as casting director. So far, I've signed Wilford Brimley as John "The General" McClain (that's a slam dunk), and Amy Adams as columnist Lisa Falkenberg. Next week the Pethouse Pet will reveal my picks to play the rest of Chronicle editors and columnists. I'm so confident that The Chronicle will be a hit, I'm already casting a sequel called Channel 13. I'm thinking Kerry Washington to play Gina Gaston (Gina owes me for that one).
Papa John's is making money on losses
Papa John's has a deal this NFL season: all pizzas are half-off the day after a Houston Texans win. So far, Papa John's is out $37.
This smells like a scam
I visited a friend's house last week. The house smelled wonderful, like sugar cookies baking in the oven. My friend said, "It's a Nest candle - they're incredible, but expensive. This candle cost $64." I thought, that's stupid. You can buy Pillsbury sugar cookie dough for $2 in the supermarket. That way, your house will smell like sugar cookies...and you've got cookies for later.
My No. 1 takeaway from the Senate election in Alabama
Again, the pollsters and pundits on CNN, Fox, MSNBC were dead wrong. They're worthless. They all predicted that Roy Moore would win by 4 points. He lost. Last year, they predicted Hillary over Trump. She lost, too. These political experts have a worse batting average than TV weathercasters. Drain the swamp!
Kickin' it with Jack Johnson
Hawaiian pop singer Jack Johnson will perform April 26 at the Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion. Tickets on sale now at the usual Ticketmaster suspects. Johnson happens to be former Dynamo star Brian Ching's favorite singer. In 2010, Johnson's hit, "You and Your Heart," was the Little League World Series' theme song. I know that because Pearland made it to the U.S. championship game that year, and I covered the team in South Williamsport, Pa. I couldn't get that song out of my head for two years.