When Cyber Monday becomes Cyber Sex Monday: It was inevitable
Remember "a/s/l"? Well, it's back.
Cyber Monday is here, bringing with it a wave of cyber sex. We know, the original marketing campaign is geared toward consumers devoting hours to prowling online shopping sites for good deals, but we now know it's all about sealing the deal and slipping that someone special the virtual sausage.
There are multiple methods of navigating Cyber Sex Monday. The most common strategy is to corner live customer service reps. A bored paper pusher in Bangalore will be completely open to a distraction. Some time-proven online come-ons:
- How do I get inside your operating system?
- Is your webcam broken, or are you just absolutely gorgeous?
- May I tap your "Enter" key?
- I'd love to slam you at 1 million kpbs.
- You've got my underpants set to caps lock.
- If you were a virtual pet, would you be a Tamagotchi, Giga Pet or Nano Baby — and why?
- On a scale of 1 to 10, how bothered are you by me right now?
Who's to say where role playing with an employee from Piperlime or Boutiques.com will get you? If you can avoid the tantalizing typos, maybe a discount coupon, lifetime rewards program or a warrant for sexual harassment are in your future. Either way, you're in for a good time.
And don't worry if your Internet times out — it happens to everyone.